The blade slid easily through my porcelain skin, as it had done so many times before. The sharp pain was overpowering, drawing tears from my eyes and a growl from my clenched teeth but i still dug it in more, relishing in the crimson blood that soaked out. This pain, i could control. The room began spinning, colours blurring together and i knew i had reached my limit for today. I filled the basin in my bathroom with warm water and dropped the razor in, watching with dull facination as the fresh blood swirled around, tinting the water pink.
Allow me to explain. My name is Ariana McKannagh and I'm what most of you call an 'emo'. I'm also a problem kid. Anorexic, bulimic, a cutter, messed-up family, you name it. Maybe i could've been a normal kid if that day hadn't happened when i was 6 years old. Maybe.
Still confused? I'll enlighten you, but to do this i must skip back exactly 7 years before, on my 6th birthday, to be exact.
It started off normally, as any birthday would. I woke up, squinting a little at the sudden light from the sun pouring in from the window. My parents stood at the foot of my bed, holding a single cupcake which substitued for my birthday cake with one blue candle on the top, the flame flickered beautifully.
'Hurry up, Ariana! I'm going to be late for work.' My father snapped in anoyance, effectivaly ending my few minutes of bliss. My mother looked at me sympathetically, but didn't dare retort. I closed my eyes obediantly, my mind forming a wish as i let out a breath of air, ending the flames' reign. I wish I could have a normal family. This was -as you must of guessed- an extremely weird wish from an infant. A wish for a pony, or a puppy, perhaps would've been more acceptable, but with an abusive father, a weak-willed mother and a helpless baby brother, it was all i ever dreamed of. I opened my present from my parents and smiled wanly at the familiar rag doll that had mysteriously disappeared a couple of days ago. 'Thank you mummy, thank you daddy.' I beamed greatfully, hugging my old doll to my breast affectionately. I had been recieving Isabelle for my birthdays and christmas' for as long as i could remember, and i hated having to part with her for a couple of days while my parents wrapped her up and presented her to me yet again. From my parents, i also recieved a chocolate bar which i gobbled up (along with the cupcake) almost immediately, the taste making me grin. I was only allowed sweets on my birthday and i did not hesitate to munch them up before my dad decided he was hungry and ate them himself, as i discovered he did from experience last year.
Soon my birthday dinner was served, a piece of bread with butter and jam spread on spearingly, and half a cup of water to go with it. Yummy. I had soon ate it and grew bored, as i was not allowed to leave the table untill my parents had finished and Kian had either knocked his over or ate his. Dad deliiberately took small forkfulls of his huge fryup, letting out satisfied moans every now and then to taunt me maliciously, while my mom scarfed hers up quickly, guilt clouding her smoky-grey eyes as my stomach rumbled for food. Kian giggled at the sound and threw his baby-food covered spoon onto dad's dinner. Silence immediately occured, even Kian had shut up gurgling and chuckling. Then dad stood up abruptly and threw his dinner at the wall and stormed into the hall. The table shaked a second later as the vibrations of a slamming door reached it.
Mom seemed pertrified and sent me -with baby Kian in my arms, his wide blue eyes gazing at me in fear- upstairs. She told me to lock us in the bathroom but before we went, she gave us a bag filled with food and some juice boxes. My own green eyes looked at her, puzzled. She shook her head at me and gestured that i move on. Naturally, i did a detour while i was up there, grabbing my Isabelle doll, before i enetered the bathroom. I was right on time i suppose, as just then dad's angry voice bounced off the walls. 'WHERE ARE THEY?' He yelled, at my mother, i presumed. mumbling came from my mother.
'WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SENT THEM TO YOUR MOTHERS?' More mumbling followed.
'YOU STUPID SLAG!' My dad growled, and a loud banging noise echoed around the house, a woman shrieking came exactly after and Kian sobbed quietly at the noise. My arms formed a cradle for him and i rocked him,.murmuring meaningless but soothing words in his ear. After he relaxed, i strained my ears, but no sign of my dad was available. My stomach noisily reminded me of the food and i opened the bag up, helping myself to a packet of cookies which was soon devoured. Soon after sleep tugged at my eyelids, and deciding not to go to the luxury of my room, i simply made a bed from the fresh towels for me and Kian to rest in.
I had gotten awakened by loud thumps at the door, and the police barged in, looking surprised at the sight of me and kian, wrapped up together. They spoke to me quietly but words had lost all meaning, for when the took us downstairs, they hurried to block our line of sight but not untill i had viewed the sight of my mother, blood oozing down her temple, her eyes wide and bloodshot, losing the friendly twinkle that it usually had, and her mouth open in a soundless scream. She had been murdered by my own father. I was scarred after that, the mental image haunting my dreams untill I finally ended my misery with another cut, this one directly on my wrist. Before i did so however, at the age of fifteen, I took Kians sleeping body to my grandmothers and planted a light kiss on his head, brushing his hair away from his closed eyes. His eyes fluttered open, and his 9 year old body looked so angelic like that.
'Ariana, what are you doing?' He breathed, tears welling up. He knew full well what I was doing, he just didn't want to believe it.
'I'm going to join mom. Now shushh baby, sleep.' I murmured to him, hugging him tightly as he threw himself at me.
'I love you, Ariana.' He whispered quietly.
'I love you too, baby.' I returned, giving him one last hug and kiss before turning into the night. Part of my heart stayed with with my baby brother that night, and i still come back sometimes, everytime he tries to join me and mother, i go to stop him. He listens to me, cries and when he died at the age of 87 with a wife, three children and 5 grandchildren, the part of me died with him, and that is when i truly died.