Well, my first one shot on fictionpress. Sorry if it's not that good.

The Twilight saga. The extreme example that virtually every brain-missing teenage girl bases her life on. Such angst! Such hopeless romance! No wonder it captured the hearts of girls around the world.

Well, it didn't capture mine. Want to take a wild guess why? Bella Swan, and her perfect vampire boyfriend Edward Cullen. Bella is super intelligent, amazingly pretty, and so selfless and brave. Edward is the perfect guy, with his perfect body which Bella compliments at least 150 times in Twilight alone, and such a selfless, kind, sparkly Romeo. They both have a single, but tragic flaw. That basically wraps up Bella Swan and Edward Cullen, who I prefer to call Mary-Sue and Gary-stu.

Oh, and they have to go through 80 billion problems to get to their true love! Most of them are caused by Mary-Sue, who clings to Gary-Stu in a way that most psychologists would deem unnatural. Yet at the same time he wants to kill her. This only makes Mary-Sue want him even more. And at the height of it all, they get married and have their perfect child, Renesmee. Or should I call her Mary-Stu?

Yeah, it's basically a load of crap. But one vital plot element may have been the key in keeping sane people interested in Twilight.

Jacob Black.

At first, I was confident he was going to be another perfect person. But Gary-Stu was already perfect, so Meyer had to change her vision of Jacob.

Jacob is a Quileute Indian. He's got tan, silghtly russet skin, black hair that he cuts sometimes and not others, and blackish-brown eyes. Mary-Sue told him he was "sort of beautiful." He's not perfect, just ruggedly handsome. Then there is his personality. He's really happy-go-lucky, mechanically minded, has some common sense but not nearly enough. When Mary-Sue tells him he's sort of beautiful, his response is " How hard did you hit your head?" After he joins the wolf pack, he lapses into a Mary-Sueish state of " you're not good for me" and yada yada yada. But then the secret is out, and Jacob is back. ( Not to Mary-Sue though. She just has to delusion herself into thinking he's different.) He's kind of accepted the wolf thing, except for certain times when he's around Mary-Sue. He's superhumanly strong and fast, but does Meyer continuously point toward this in a worshipping tone? No.

Jacob is just the natural guy. He doesn't have a single tragic flaw like Mary-sue and Gary-Stu, he has natural flaws. He holds a permanent grudge against the Cullens, (until Book 4, below.) is impetuous, and very snappish in a bad mood. Natural flaws, unlike Mary-Sue's tragic addition to all things dangerous and Gary-Stu's tragic habit to stalk Mary-sue.

In Eclipse, things rise to their breaking point. Jacob force-kisses Mary-Sue, and his normality completely repulses Mary-Sue, leading her to punch him in the face and call for Gary-Stu. Of course, the fact that her arm is bloody and Gary-Stu will want to kill her even more is a coincidence. Then she falls in love with Jacob just before he goes to kill himself. Typical Mary-Sue, he's worth nothing until he's about to kill himself. But, lo and behold, Jacob survives. Why? That raised many eyebrows.

Then the horrible final book of the saga, Breaking Dawn, rolled in with the answer.

Jacob is officially, and nonsensically, transformed into a Gary-Stu. Everything he does hurts him even more. He does what normal Jacob would never have done: rebel against Sam and become the alpha of a small pack of vampire guard dogs. Of course, one of his pack members is a Mary-sue and the other is almost a Gary-Stu, and the barely mentioned concept of the imprint comes up.

Ah, the imprint. If a werewolf looks into a certain girl's eyes, he falls in love with her at first sight. And it's not ordinary love. It's imprint love. Nothing else matters but her, and they'd do anything for the imprinted one. If the imprinted one's idea of fun if to cage the werewolf and charge money to see it, they love every moment of it. What an instantaneous way to turn a normal werewolf into a Gary-Stu.

And in the midst of all of this, Jacob imprints on Mary-Stu. Now he'll die for the perfect one. We see flashes of normality, but they are covered up and hidden away by Mary-Stu, and of course Jacob loves it.

Now that is the most unjust ending I've ever heard. Jacob mysteriously turns into a Gary-Stu, and imprints on Mary-Sue's and Gary-Stu's freakishly perfect offspring. And everything turns out perfect, with Jacob.... the only connection to the normal world in this Sue-land... disappearing in a poof of light and becoming Jacob-Stu.

Now, in conclusion, I want to say what I wish had happened in Breaking Dawn.

Jacob dumps Mary-Sue, leaving her and Gary-Stu to spawn their perfect daughter, Mary-Stu. The imprint doesn't exist, and Jacob is so sick of the Cullens that he storms down there and announces to Gary-Stu that he'd better leave Forks. Gary-Stu, of course, throws a perfect fit over that. Then the rest of the werewolves stomp down there and have a talk. Of course, Mary-Sue doesn't want anyone to be hurt and leaves, saving the whole town of Forks from the vampire-werewolf war. Mary-Sue, once outside of the boundaries of Forks, is transformed into a vampire. ( Somehow, miraculously, she survived the birthing.)

Meanwhile, Sam and Emily marry and Jacob finds the girl he found in Breaking Dawn, the nice one who knew cars. The book ends with him inviting her to a party down on the Quileute reservation.

Re-reading this, I know it was one big rant. But very few Twilight rants mention that Jacob was essentially the most non-Sue character for such a long time. Please review with opinions.