No One Can Ever Replace Your Memory

To Emily

She took the baton from me
her hair pulled back,
her cold ice blue eyes drifted
past me why would she
know the misfit me?

How could she know
that her face appeared in my
dreams after that?
A foriegn comfort in my
nights of hidden pain.

Why was this loser
invited to my birthday party?

She whined to her mom.
Not caring that I heard her,
that the other girls erupted in giggles
stared at me like I was a circus freak.
I was frozen- a statue.

This angel didn't realize
that her smiles that
were never directed at me
saved my sanity like a lifesaver.

I must have grown on her
she gave me smiles that
I didn't have to steal,

we sat together in
church or on the
playground and
held hands like only
our hands fit right.

She whispered her secrets
with cupped hands into my ear
a giggle and a promise to never tell,

I would never betray
the one I held more
sacred than God himself.

She must have known
the power that radiated
from her fingertips,
that she was my saviour
from the abyss of my night terrors,

maybe that's why
she pullsed her hand
away from mine
like it caused her
fingers to burn
like she touched something hot.

Caused the fear
to twinkle in her eyes
as the jealous girls
whispered giggled
that I was gay
and she must be too.

She dated one boy
than another
never satisfied
maybe her hand
didn't fit right with theirs?

The storms that crossed
her eyes when she
saw I didn't care,

I knew that they
couldn't touch our bond
she couldn't replace me
even if she tried.

Even as she fought
her inner chaos
it didn't stop her
from holding me
like a teddy bear
when we were
hidden from prying eyes,

we layed there in silence
my head rested on her stomach
her fingers traced my cheek
and smoothed my hair.

I told her
I was moving far away
she burst into a rainstorm of tears,

and pulled me to her
face against my shoulder
as she grieved for our coming loss.

The one time
she took my face
between her palms
almost let our lips touch

for a fleeting second,
before drifting on my
left cheek her face
flushed cherry red.

She whispered:
Come back for me
and marry me
I'll be waiting.