I can't pretend anymore. How can I be such a hypocrite to my child? I don't want her around me or my baby. The influence, the essence she has corrupting the very core of my existence. She is everything I cannot accept. I cannot stand the thought.
Yet I make believe its fine. I walk on egg shells to please. I put up with her because for some reason she is important to the people I love. I can't do it anymore. My child is more important than anything she gilts these people in to believing or thinking. Her habits are abhorred her moral is more than just questionable, but still they make excuses for her. 'She'll make our lives miserable.' 'She will never learn so why bother?' 'It's just easier to put up with her.'
She's not a baby! She is a grown woman, about to be a grandmother. If it were up to me I would tell her to shove off! If she pulls herself together bravo, if not, well it's not my problem. If I can care for my husband, my future child and myself I do believe that a woman twice my age should be able to at least keep her act together.
I feel like all of these justifications people make for her give her a reason not to try. They enable her habits and she uses that to make everyone else feel bad for her. She twists and blames and begs and pleads till they all give into her again. And when they give her another chance she blows it all again. I just do not understand it at all. However when I express myself I somehow come out feeling like I was the horrible person who twisted arms and blamed someone else. I feel as if I was the bad guy and everyone was against me.
'The baby will be too young to remember.' 'If she wants to come she will find a way to, high or not.' 'She is the grandmother she at least deserves to be around the baby.'
I cannot, no will not let that happen! What kind of example will I be setting for my child? To me it's like saying, 'The kind of people your grandmother happens to be is not the kind of people you should be around if you want to lead a prosperous life, but hey she's your grandma go say hi.' Or, 'that's a bad thing to do and also illegal and if you don't want to go to jail don't do it or even be around it, but because she's your grandmother it ok for her.'
Am I truly in the wrong here? Am I getting all worked up over nothing? I mean she's only broken my husband's sprit, lied, cheated, and stolen to get what she wants. Not to mention threatened me before as well as the family that protects her and she supposedly loves. Oh and also done this a million and one times. But still there is always a reason, good or not, for everyone but me to forgive her.
I do not like excuses; they are just reasons around the truth. There is no place for them in my life. If I lived by excuses I would probably be wallowing in self pity because of the thing I've done in my past. I would not have my husband, my home, my car, my pets, my reasons for living. I take away the excuses and find the reasons behind my problems and I fix them. I cannot stand those who do otherwise. Get off your good for nothing lazy ass stop making those unacceptable and intolerable excuses and do something for a change, or get out of my way and my life. I don't have time to baby you! I have my own baby to take care of and this one actually needs my help and none of your excuses!