& they say if you wish upon a star, your dreams will come true...
so I'm sitting here gazing at the moonlit sky with mascara stained eyes and tear-stained
cheeks wishing upon every star I see that someday you'll love me as much as I love you,
but then the stars fade and the tears they fall like waterfalls and I'm left to wonder how I could have ever fallen in love with something like you
& I think this is karma's cruel way of getting back at me... making me love you from the moment I saw you and every moment since
& I gave you my heart and that was all I could give you,
but it wasn't enough was it? it wasn't good enough for you...was it?
And even as my heart breaks into thousands of pieces, I still can't help but think of all the ways in which I love you…
You, with your beautiful dark brown eyes, your gorgeous smile that lights up my whole world, and your hugs that make me feel like I'm in heaven and leave me breathless, and the way you make everything luminous and illuminated when I'm around you
So tell me how can I possibly think of you without breaking when you leave me wanting nothing more than wanting more of you?
And I don't think I'm ever going to get over you because without you, I can't see at all
and if only I had caught this months ago, I could have saved myself from this disease
because currently, The pain is just too real and I can feel my heart breaking
My throat is clenching and tingling and my heart is racing and my stomach is feeling those unforgiving butterflies
& even though you don't, never did, and still don't deserve it, I gave you and still give you very piece of me
and I can't help but be mad at myself...myself for always being nice and apologizing for not being good enough, for getting attached to you, for making you a huge part of my life, for wasting my time on you, thinking about you, wishing for you, changing for you, loving you...
but most of all I'm mad at myself for not hating you when I know I should
and you still mean everything in the world to me, but I don't think I can fight for you anymore, even though you are still all I could ever want, All I could ever need
But I'm starting to realize I can't change your mind
I can't be your dream girl
I can't be beautiful in your eyes
I can't be a sweet girl that everyone would approve of you being with
I can't be something I'm not
& I realize now that it doesn't matter what color I dye my hair, how much weight I lose, how much I change myself, I can't make you feel the same
But someday, you're going to wish you had someone like me, because after all, tell me a girl that would try so hard to be perfect for you and to make you happy
A girl who would believe the small pieces and scraps you give her were worth it, because they would be something and something was better than nothing to her?
A girl who would truly just want to make you happy, and be there for you and love you with every fiber of their being
A girl who would value your flaws as much as your strengths and would treasure parts of you no one else saw in you
A girl who could see past your act and fake smile
A girl who has already bled so much for you, but would still take a bullet for you and sacrifice her life if it meant yours would be saved
A girl who just wants you happy, even if it means being with someone other than her
A girl who realizes she will never have your heart, but realizes you'll always be etched on hers forever
A girl who sees this and still loves you more than anything
A girl who should have you, but doesn't because she's made up entirely of flaws that are sown in place with her good intentions.
And a girl, this girl, who realizes that not loving you anymore will be the hardest thing she's ever gone through
But she'll get through it
It'll take many tears and many nights of them, of still wishing you were beside her telling her all the things she wanted to hear for so long, but one day she'll wake up and you won't be the first thought on her mind anymore
Cause she's starting realize now that no matter how much she doesn't want it to be true, you are not part of her fairytale, nor is she in yours
And she's done fighting this kind of war.
& you can only run for so long before you have to come to terms with what you feel in your heart.
A/n: So it's around 3am and I was in a writing mood, so this is the product of that. I know it isn't perfect, but I think the idea is there.