dedication: to sonya + les + my mommy.
notes: I despise sickness. so much.
notes2: this is fairly old; did a little bit of re-vamp work, and I'm honestly surprised at how much I still like it. Huh.


Oh. Hello there. You probably haven't met me, but I'm alright with that. We'll meet now.

Now? Why now?

Because we're here? Hush, anyways, you're scaring them! Look, they're backing away! What did I tell you about randomly talking to people! They don't like talking to things they can't see!

Huff. You're mean.

Shoo. …Oh, er, anyways…

Hi. Welcome to my world. The empty hallways and corridors don't really lead anywhere you've ever been, so you're probably lost. I don't blame you.

I got lost the first time I came here.

No, you didn't. You created this place.

Hush! They don't like what they can't see! You're scaring them!

Both of you, why are you even here?! I thought you, Mr. Dark-Scary-and-Black, were locked up in the Shimmer Room with the pedophile-voice.

I got out, obviously. The pedophile is annoying. I do not appreciate him.

Oh, go die. I'm trying to show this new person around, stupid. We don't want to scare them off!

I kinda think you've already done that, silly… Giggle.

Did you just say 'giggle'? Wait, no, never mind. Argh, forget it. How about we try this over? Hi. I'm ---, and I'll be your Guide. If you're wondering about the voices, well… Mr. Dark-Scary-and-Black is over there. Say hello, Mr. Dark-Scary-and-Black.

You're annoying.

So are you. And the little sparkly thing next to your head-


-That's Pinky. She's not very scary at all. Unlike some people.

I am not scary.

Are too! Look at the customer, they're shaking! You're scary! ---, I think we need a new name for Mr. Dark-Scary-and-Black. It's too long to say.

Well, I guess we could call him Chicken-head.

Smile. That works!

That does not work.

Does too!

Would the both of you quit it? You're being childish. Anyways.

If you look to your right, you'll see the Glass Room. We try not to put people in there, not unless they've gone ghost. You shouldn't worry about it. No, don't go towards it, it's like going to the light. You'll die.

In this place, the only place you're supposed to go is where you're supposed to go. Not where you want to go. If you go where you want, you might get lost.

Or, rather, you'll get more lost then you already are. This place is a maze meant for people who have regrets to get lost in.

Every one of the Rooms is built for a specific person, and since you're here… I guess there's a Room for you. We'll just have to find it.

You're going to die.

Chicken-head, they're only going to die if they get separated from me or Pinky. Actually, technically, they can't die; not anymore, anyways. They'll just turn whisper-dream.

Oh, I'm sorry, you're probably confused as to why you're here…

Welcome to the Asylum for the Clinically Insane. We have a Room for you, where, for the rest of eternity, you'll be able to create as you wish.

You can call me ---, or Boss, or God, or whatever you feel like. I'm just the supervisor for this level.

Not just this level! For the whole world. --- is special. Special, special, specia-

Pinky, stop it. Too much information. We don't even know if this person is going to stay. Oh, wait, you are going to stay, aren't you? We don't charge anything, and really, it's here, or the Death-Courts.

We can't have people like you on the streets.

What do I mean, people like you? Oh, I mean people who dream. You're the kind of people who create, even if it's only in your own head. The Leaders needed somewhere to put all the people that create somewhere safe; somewhere they couldn't hurt anyone else with their ideas.

Even though --- likes ideas. Yes, yes, lots and lots of pretty ideas to drink!

People don't drink ideas. They drink water.

Water, ideas, they both flow, right? Like a river!

Pinky, I think it's time for us to go.

I owe you, Chicken-head.

Stop calling me that.

Sure, whatever you say, Cockatrice. Just take Pinky and get out of here.


Finally, they're gone. If we're lucky, those two are the only ones you'll have to meet. If we're not lucky… Well, you'll see when we meet them.

Anyways, just past here is the Bubble Room. Yes, you see, if you look in the window, all you see is bubbles.

The girl who lives in there came here as a child. She's still fairly young, hasn't aged a bit, even though it's been almost a hundred years. All of those bubbles -every last one!- in that room are her ideas, her dreams. She lives in them.

I think it would be wonderful, don't you? To live forever in bubbles?

Oh, you don't like that thought, do you? Oh. Well, I guess it's not going to be a bubble-land, not for you. Maybe you'll live under the ocean, or maybe on a prairie made of purple grass.

You never know, really, what you're going to end up with. Not until you actually get there. Just, please, try not to leave my side. If you get lost, you'll end up becoming like Pinky or Cockatrice.

And having more half-imaginings will get bothersome. They require so much time and effort, just so that they don't fade away.

Down here- Oh, is there a problem?

You're worried about Pinky and Cockatrice? Oh, those two will be fine. They had a Feeding yesterday; they got their fill of broken dreams. They'll be fine for a few days without my guidance.

And really, there are always more then enough broken dreams to go around, when you live in a place like this.

As I was saying: Down here is the Heat Corridor. Yes, I know it looks like all the others. Just like a hospital. You know, I never really liked hospitals all that much, when I lived in the human world. They scared me.

Er, right. The Heat Corridor.

This is the hallway that houses our angry occupants. You're not angry at anything, are you? Being angry here is acceptable, I suppose, it's just a little bit… umm, how to say… socially awkward. It makes getting along with your neighbours very hard.

You spend much time around those people; hundreds of years, in fact! So it's best that you get along with them.

---! ---! We have a problem!

Pinky, how did you get away from Cockatrice?

He let me go! We have a big, big problem!

I'm sorry; this may require my immediate attention. Just stay here, and don't move. Whatever you do, do not move. Your mental existence may just very well depend on it.

Er… Hello? You didn't move, did you? Oh, good, you didn't. Obviously, you know what's good for you. I'm sorry I took so long, although it probably didn't feel all that long to you at all, did it?

Not even a full half-second? Hmm, that's a very short amount of time… Normally, it feels at least a full minute. But, to tell you the truth, I was gone for almost a full day. I had to deal with a rabid Glimmer; it got out of its room.

You are a fail, ---.

I am not! How dare you say that about me?!

The Glim-Glim is safe now, ---. She was angry 'acoz her owner wouldn't play with her.

I thought that might have been the case.

You see, the Glimmers tend to have very fiery emotions. The Shimmers, on the other hand, tend to be a little more… hmm, I suppose the word is cool-headed. They are the kind to keep their head in a fight.

We got very lucky, though. Only a single Glimmer got out. Any more could have been disastrous.

But, anyways, it doesn't matter. What does matter is finding you a Room! I suppose I should ask you some questions about yourself, but, considering I already know all the answers, I know where you're going to end up.

Why can't I just take you there? That's silly! This place was made a maze for a reason. Sometimes, you don't stumble on to what you want your life to be, not unless it's on accident.

If I were to simply take you there, it would kill the purpose of the journey. And often, the journey is more then half the battle.

Snort. Half the battle? That's a good one.

Oh, shush, or I'll start calling you Rat. You do prefer Cockatrice, I take it?


That is what I thought.

Now, come along. We're off to find that Room of yours! Pinky and Rat will be with us, for a bit, I suppose.

I thought you were gonna stick to callin' him Cockatrice?

It lasted for more then a day. And Rat is shorter.


Only sometimes.

Now, down this hallways, yes, I know it looks exactly like every other one, this is where the true monsters reside. Dracula, Frankenstein, the Invisible Man… they're all here to rest, or at least, their creators are.

But those same creators have been taken over by their creations. A pity, really, because they were all such brilliant minds. I don't think you belong here at all.

And dow- Er, you want to know why it's so deserted?

That's, er, somewhat hard to answer. There are multiple reasons for it. But I suppose the biggest one is the fact that, well, this place is of my fabrication. I'm the only one who stays sane in here.

It is, after all, the Asylum for the Clinically Insane.

We house those who dream.

Have I told you this? I tend to forget. After all, I'm not just here with you. I'm dealing with the Fire-Breather down on the Third Floor who has stopped breathing fire, and I'm also dealing with a very angry Bluu Energy Blur, on the Fifth Floor.

You see, there are many versions of me. On Fourth Floor, where we are now, I rarely have problems to deal with. Most of the inhabitants of this Floor are fairly mellow, even though they may not look so.

Yeah, and --- is special! She can do that kinda stuff, an' not everyone can!

And yes, I do spend a lot of my time gathering broken dreams for my little half-imaginings to keep surviving. That's the other reason I've invited you to live here. I need another reason to patrol this Floor.

Rolls eyes. Because you don't patrol this Floor enough? It's your entire existence!

And so it is.

But, come along, come along, there must be a Room for you somewhere in this place… After all, it's a never ending world of euphoric bliss. That's what it was created to be.

Because why would anyone with eternal bliss want to go back out into the world? The world is ugly.

And eternal bliss is not.

Eternal bliss keeps the dreamers and the thinkers and the writers and the artists and the musicians and the laughers and the intelligents busy. As long as all those people are busy, there's no one out in the world to question whether or not the world is a good thing.

And those in power get to keep their power.

It's why they allow my little world to continue to exist.

And it's 'acoz they don't even really know it exists! Why should they? They don' want it, and they don' need it.

Pinky has a very good point.

Oh, here we are, the Hallway to Now-Here. This place… is a never-ending dream. No one has managed a permanent residence in this hallway yet, so there's only one room.

If you want, you can go take a peek in the window, although, I'm not at all sure what you'll see. I try not to look in the Rooms… They might be influenced by my presence. And we don't want that, because then it's not the imagination of the inhabitant, but it's my imagination.

And my imagination runs forever.

After all, I'm not even really sure you exist, although I'm fairly sure you do… You never really know. Existence is a tricky thing, most of the time.

Except that, y'know, you don't really exist anymore. Not like --- or me, or even Rat. You're not really real.

Pinky, that's a horrible thing to say! Rat, take her out of here. Beat some manners into her, or something.


I don't know! Just do it! Bring her to Sparky or Swirl. They'll snap her out of it.

Anyways, what do you see?

White walls? White ceiling? Empty-ness? And you obviously have the urge to change it. Well then, open the door.

And create. Splatter the walls with paint, make fountains out of chocolate, sleep on a bed of grass, dance in the moonlight. Whatever your imagination can come up with, you'll start to feel.

I'm sure that when I see this room next, it will be beautiful.

In you go, in you go! There are others in need of Rooms, you know. But I must say; I do hope you'll stay. It's a sad, lonely world out there. And dreamers like you - we need dreamers like you.

So dream. Create. Dance. Feel.

But don't forget to close the door behind you.


Rat, lemme go.

No. And do not call me Rat. It is undignified.

But that's what --- calls you.

--- is a Creator. She made this place. She may call me what she likes.

Awww, but what about me? I love you! Giggle.

--- is right. You are very strange. … And you do not love me. We do not love.

That's what you think! I love! I do!

You also think that Gloss and Lazorith ought to be together.

Gloss and Lazorith should be together! Everyone should have someone to love. I have you, Rat, and Swirl has Sparky. Why shouldn't Gloss have Lazorith?

Lazorith hates Gloss.

No, he doesn't. He doesn't like the fact that she doesn't pay attention to him, but he really likes her best.

You are insane.

Is it really so wrong? To love someone? It shouldn't be. Why can't we?

Sigh. Because we are not allowed, I guess.

You don't try hard enough, Rat.

I know.


Hi there! Welcome to the Asylum for the Clinically Insane. We take crazies, floozies, nut jobs, and, once in a while, the odd almond or two.

I'm ---, and I'll be your Guide for today.

We're on the Tenth Floor. I'm not sure how you got so high up, but I guess that's just the way it goes.

You know, this one looks a little… um, weird.

-Because you're one to talk?-

Hey, I'm pretty. That's what matters.

Actually, it really doesn't matter. What are you two doing here?! I thought you were off with Pinky and Rat!

-Naw, Rat, oh Great Ruler that he is, decided that we weren't fit to talk to him-

Not me, Shark-bait. Just you. And it wasn't him he was talking about, it was Pinky. He thinks you like her.

-Pinky? But she's… weirder then you.-

You're mean. ---, make him stop being mean!

I think I'm getting a headache. Okay, look, Gloss, Lazorith, you two have to go. We have a customer.

-It's not like they can leave. Why are you worried?-

Just go!

I apologize for that. You're probably feeling a littler unnerved right now, right? I'm sure you are. I did, when I first came here.

You didn't have a choice!

Gloss, go, or I'll change your name!

Tongue out. Fine.

There, she's gone. Oh, don't worry about Gloss, she's normally not so talkative. But she doesn't get along all that well with Lazorith, so I pair them up a lot.

What were they? They're the same as Pinky and Rat. They're the left-over bits of wishes. Half-imaginings, I call them.

They need broken dreams to survive, but there are lots of them, here. It's safe here, for them and me. And you too, now, I guess. Everything here is unbreakable. It's totally open to change, the Rooms are, but it's nothing you can break.


Oh, no, Pinky, why are you here? I just sent Gloss and Lazorith away!

I'm here 'acoz I'm bored. And Rat's off talking to Sparky. And that's boring.

Well, I guess I'll introduce you to our newest recruit. Pinky, say hello!

Okay, I guess that works. Pinky, say hello!

Hello! I'm Pinky.

Well, now that introductions are complete, I guess we'll take this one to their new Room. I'm certain you'll like it. It's something that will be entirely yours, any way you want to create.

That's what we do.

We protect those that can't protect themselves.

That's a lie, ---. Lies are boring.

But often necessary. And it's not a lie.

Well, I guess it's not really a lie… But it's still boring.

Everything to you is boring, Pinky. Sigh. Go find Rat and the others. I'll finish my job, remember?

Oh, yeah.

She's gone. I try not to talk about the Rooms in front of the little ones. It's something they should have had. They were all inhabitants, once. But then they wandered out of their rooms and got lost.

I didn't manage to find them until they were completely converted to the whisper-dreams they are, now. It's quite sad.

So try to stay in your Room, once we get there, yes?

If you look to your left, you'll see the Rave Room. We're in the Light Corridor right now… Most of the Rooms here reflect some aspect of that. The Rave Room is all bright-hot flashes of colour.

I have to say, it's one of my favourite Rooms.

Ah, if you would just care to turn in here… This is the Sound Corridor. Please try not to make much noise; the inhabitants of this Corridor are very picky about the noise that is made right outside their doors.

They like beautiful sounds, but very few consider the sound of footfalls 'beautiful'. You'll have to excuse me a moment, I must decide quite where to put you.

On your Application, it said that you like to write, yes?

Yes, that's what I thought. I know you didn't send in a formal Application for Residence -no one ever sends in a formal Application; it's a little dangerous, you know?-, but it got here all the same. It always does.

I suppose I'll take you to the Ink Corridor. I'm sure you'll fit in just fine. It's a very whimsy place. We have to go up a half-flight of stairs; it's on Floor Ten-and-A-Half.

The half-Floors? Yes, we have half-Floors. Please don't ask how that came to be; I'm not quite sure, myself. But I do know that they're my favorite places of all. They actually have special walls! Push that door open, wouldn't you? I can't quite touch the thing; it's not my Floor. Out of my district, you know.

Thanks ever so much. And here we are. The Ink Corridor. It's one of the longest Corridors in this place; it houses the most inhabitants.

Both we and they -the inhabitants, I mean- take great pride in this place; especially the writing on the walls which, if you look close enough actually moves. It's one of the few places where I allow graffiti. It's a rather special place.

Yes, your Room should be down near the end of the hallway. Just look in all the windows until you find a Room that suits your taste. Of course, the only Room that is empty right now is the one for you.

You can't have someone else's Room; that's just rude!

That one? Yes, that's the one that will work for you, I should think. Now, enter it. The door? Just touch the wall; one will appear if this is the right Room for you.

See? There it is. Turn the knob, and enter.

Just remember to close the door after you. You do know what will happen if you get out and start to wander. I may never find you!


You know, Gloss, this is boring.

I agree. But there's nothing to do! --- already sent us away.

It's 'acoz she's a Creator. She's allowed. At least, that's what Rat says.

You looooove him.

You looooove Lazorith!

Blush. I do not!

You do, too! You're blushing!

-What are you two talking about?-

Why am I strangely worried?

Nothing, we're talking about nothing!

Giggle. She's ly-ing!

Deadpan. Pinky, you are a terror.

I know. Smile.

Eye roll. Come along. You and I going to find something to eat.

Bigger smile. Mmkay!

-Okay, now this is awkward. What were you talking about?-

None of your business!

-You're blushing. That's a lie.-

Blush. Rat is rubbing off on you.

-I'm not sure if that's a good thing.-

It's totally not.

-That's what I thought. …Are you hungry?-

And if I am?

-You wanna grab something to eat? I heard the dreams on Floor Seven are pretty good…-

Shrug, small smile. Sure. Why not?


Hi there. You've reached the Asylum for the Clinically Insane hotline. An Agent will be with you in just a moment.

… Be-ee-ee-ep … Be-ee-ee-ep … Be-ee-ee-ep …

Hello? Is this thing on? Hel-loh? Oh, there you are! Hi! I'm ---, and I'll be your Agent/Guide today. How may I help you?