SHELLSHOCK

stale black coffee and smeared black ink
and i am reeling, my mind is screaming,
tryin' not to think.

i don't want to remember
last night's fight...
three long hours before we said goodnight:
you said "tomorrow", but
it meant "goodbye".

i leave my coffee and buy some wine
stay and watch some bar-room fights
i go back, i go back
drink until im numb inside.

later, shaking hands and smeared black ink
and my pillow can't protect me
from all the memories.

i don't want to remember
im tryin' not to think

damn pillow useless, suicide note unfinished
...because of what's buried underneath.

(below the hate, below the pain,
i'm pretending you
decided to stay.)