I want to cry

I want to rage

I want to know why you hurt me so much

Then decided it wasn't enough

I want to know why the pain won't go away

Why I have to feel this each and every day

When I wake up

I hope the day will bring something new

A different feeling

A breath of fresh air

Or a glimpse that today might be a happy day

When I fall asleep

I wonder why this has to be

Why can I not give in?

Why can I not be with the one I love?

Then I remember

There is no hope

Just a future of pain

Of fighting

Of looking around every day and seeing surroundings you hate

Seeing things that you never wanted to be a part of

Seeing my life, my job, my sacrifice for a country we both love

And thinking that you never signed on for this

You didn't want to be an Army spouse

I remember why I must hold to my convictions

No matter how much I don't like your new girlfriend

No matter how unhappy I am

No matter how much I miss your family

No matter how much I miss us

No matter how much I miss you

Because I don't want you to have to live in a world you hate

A world you don't want to fit in with

I need you to be happy, to have what you want in life without resentment

So I love you Cameron

I do

I love you enough to know that you wouldn't be happy

With my future in the Army

You made the hard choice

You left me

And now I make the hard choice every day

Trying to leave you be