I woke up Monday at 10:30 feeling a whole lot better. I was going to school but for only half the day. I chose the second half of the day, so I would show up when lunch started.
Getting out of bed I picked up my phone to check for any messages. There were three messages, one from Layla, Sav, and the last from Peter. Seeing Peter's name made my heart stop for a minute. Everything from Saturday and overhearing what Layla and Peter said came back to me, and I couldn't help but wonder about it all. I mean all this time he was in love with me too? When he made it so clear he was not into me that way…I didn't get it, and at this point I probably never would. I just wish that I could talk it out with him but I can't, because I'm not supposed to know.
It drove me crazy and every time I thought about it I lost track of thoughts. Such as now, I got off track of needing to read my messages. The first was from Layla.
Heyy hunn, I'm coming to pick you up at 11:45 sharp. Be ready, or die…dun dun DUN…
Oh how she made me laugh. She made me laugh in my darkest hours and for that I loved her more than anybody in the world. I quickly replied to her.
Alright, I'll be ready wouldn't want to die or anything
I sent her the message then moved onto the message from Savannah.
I hope that you're feeling better when you wake up. As soon as you get to school I expect to see you!
I smiled at my caring sister, and replied telling her I would come see her straight away. All weekend she slept with me, making sure I didn't get up in the middle of the night for anything other than a washroom break.
I dreaded having to read the text from Peter but I came to the realization that I had to. So I took a deep breath and opened the message.
Hey Mel…I know I'm not supposed to talk to you…but I just hope that you're feeling better…don't reply, I know you aren't allowed.
At least he understood that I wasn't supposed to be talking to him; however he wasn't supposed to be talking to me either. But he's a boy, and he wasn't good at understanding what he should or shouldn't be doing. Such as dating and making out with other girls what he was supposedly in love with me. The thought of that suddenly made me extremely angry and I started to grit my teeth and squeeze my phone. I felt a headache coming on and I knew I had to stop thinking about him. It would just put me back in the hospital in worse condition than I was in before.
I got out of my bed, slowly. I only got up to go to the washroom all weekend, and it felt weird to actually be up and walking around. But I have to take a shower and get dressed before Layla got here in 45 minutes.
After I showered I found some clothes to wear. I picked out a pair of blue shorts, and a pink tank-top with white flip-flops, I wasn't in the mood to try and dress cute, I didn't even feel like putting on make-up, so all I did was put on some lip gloss.
I walked downstairs to have something to eat. I was on strict orders to eat enough. So I toasted some bread for peanut butter toast, poured myself a glass of orange juice, and got out an apple to eat.
I finished eating and went to brush my teeth, which ruined my lip gloss, I honestly don't know why I bother putting anything on my lips before I brush my teeth. So I went to my room and reapplied my lip gloss, I noticed the time on my clock read 11:40. Layla would be here soon, so I grabbed my phone and walked downstairs to wait for her.
Her car pulled up into the driveway so I grabbed my bag and walked out of the house and towards her. She has a convertible and the top was down, good, I won't feel stuffed in it.
"Hey there Mel, how are you feeling today?" she asked once I got into the car, I looked at her and smiled.
"Small headache, but I feel a lot better than I felt before," I told her honestly, as she was backing out of my driveway.
"Do you have some pills?" she asked, I narrowed my eyes at her.
"You make me sound like I do drugs," she looked at me and started laughing.
"I know, but seriously."
"Yes I have the medicine, don't worry so much you'll get wrinkles," I told her, she was terrified of getting wrinkles even though she was only 17.
"Shut up," she said sticking her tongue out at me, I smiled back at her.
We got to school and suddenly I felt a knot begin to tie in my stomach. I didn't want to be back at school, I didn't want to see any of these people. Everyone would know about what happened on Friday, and ask me if I was okay, just like they had done right after my brother died. Thinking about that made me want to run away; far from here, just be free of all the stress I've had over the past month and a bit. It's just been too much of it. To be free, and be without stress, is what I dream for.
"Hellooooo!" Layla said, breaking me out of my thoughts. I was still sitting in her car and she was outside waiting for me.
"Oh sorry, lost in thought," I said forcing a smile onto my face as I got out of the car and went to walk with her towards the school.
"Good I broke you out of them, I don't like your thoughts," she said looking at me in concern, I didn't want her concern, so I put my hand to my heart and acted like I was offended.
"Some best friend you are," I said to her, and she glared at me and slapped me gently on the arm. We were walking the empty halls-everyone was eating-to the cafeteria. I knew that Sav would be there, and as soon as we got there I looked for her.
I spotted her sitting with Madison and Derek. I could definitely see them together; they'd be cute together, definitely. Derek was looking at her in a way I recognized from the way Nathan had looked at Layla, or the way she had looked at him, what I'm sure you could see in my eyes when I looked at Peter, and that was that he liked her, a lot. I smiled for my little sister, she may not know it, but the boy she has a crush on felt the same way, and I was happy for her.
"I'm going to go see Sav," I told Layla, she nodded and headed off to buy her lunch I assume. I walked over to Sav and her friends, the instant she saw me she broke into a huge grin and got up from her seat to come give me a hug.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, and I thought about how Layla asked me the exact same thing when she picked me up, I couldn't help but smile, even though i felt a flicker of annoyance at the question. I don't like being constantly asked the same question by multiple people.
"Good, a little headache," I said sitting down with her at the table she had just gotten up from.
"Hey Mel, good to see you," Madison said to me, at least she didn't ask me how I was. Derek nodded his head at me which I assume was his way of saying hi? I don't know, boys are weird.
"You too," I said smiling at her and as inconspicuously as I could made a gesture as to say 'sooo they like each other' she responded with a barely noticeable nod and roll of the eyes as if to say 'yep, they're both oblivious' I nodded in understanding.
After a few minutes of talking with them all I decided to go see Layla. I said my goodbyes to them, then got up to go find Layla she was sitting with Andy at our usual table.
"Nice to see you in better condition," Andy said with a smile when I reached the table where they were sitting, I smiled back at him.
"Oh yeah, it's a nice feeling too!" I said laughing a little. It was nice to not feel as shitty, even if I had a small headache threatening to become a big one if I wasn't careful; which is why I was going to be careful about my thoughts.
"You know what!" Layla exclaimed out of nowhere, it kind of startled me, slightly. Oh fine, I jumped and they both laughed at me.
"What?" I asked ignoring their laughing.
"We should all do something this weekend," she said.
"Aren't I supposed to be taking it easy?" I asked, even though I really did want to get out and do something, anything would be better than being stuck in my house.
"You're at school; there is no taking it easy at school. Unless you're a slacker…I mean you're no overachiever but you're no underachiever either…" she was pondering all this, she was completely off topic so I snapped my fingers in front of her face and she started to laugh, I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Sorry! Anyway, going out to the beach? Maybe, or anything, fun isn't stressful, therefore you are taking it easy by having a fun non-stressful time with your friends!"
"I'll have to ask my mom," I was pretty sure my mom would say yes, but I had to be sure. Andy said he'd love it for all of us to hang out.
"So just so we're clear we ARE going to go to the beach…right?" Layla said I smiled at her.
"You know Lay, I get the idea that you want to go to the movies. So I'm going to take the hint and say yes we can go to the movies," I told her, she glared at me, and Andy smiled at us.
"You know that I feel anyone who thinks going to the movies to supposedly 'hang' out with friends is stupid. I mean honestly, tell me how is watching a movie hanging out? You don't talk through it, because that would be very rude, you're just sitting there, staring at a screen, isn't it kind of…a lame thing? And don't even get me started on movie dates!" she said, haha she's funny. But I suppose she has point, needless to say she and I don't go see movies, and not once did she and Nathan have a movie date.
"I know Layyy! Chillax," I told her patting her shoulder.
"Sorry, you know how stupid I find it."
"I do, and I'm never bringing it up again, well…maybe, I don't know I do enjoy the reactions you give. But anyway I'm good with the beach if my mom is, so I'll ask tonight," I told her, she smiled at me.
"Alrighty! I've gotta go to talk to my chemistry teacher about some problems I had with the homework today, I really should have asked during class…" she told me getting up.
"I had some problems too," Andy said, and he got up to leave. I suddenly wished I had taken chemistry too bad I hate science.
"Byee!" I said to them, they waved to me then walked out of the cafeteria together, and I was left sitting alone. Joy. And sadly stupid dumbass Peter and his stupid hoe Lindsay walked in holding hands; my eyes narrowed at them on their own accord, my brain had no choice in the matter.
I was trying to hide…I ducked my head and let my hair cover my face. However I had no one to hide behind and sadly they both know what my hair looks like.
"Oh hey Melanie, so glad to see you're doing better!" Lindsay said giving me a fake smile, stupid bitch.
"Oh hey Lindsay, so glad you could take your tongue out of Peter's mouth long enough to come up to me! You're so sweet," I said fake sweetness in my voice. I'll admit I wanted to hurt him, if I could. I doubted I could though.
"Trust me neither of us wanted to stop, but you know, I wanted to make sure you were doing better. I was concerned," she said emphasizing the fact that both of them wanted to keep sticking their tongues down each other's throats. They honestly disgusted me.
"Your concern is quite appreciated, no matter how fake it is. Now excuse me I should be going to my teachers and getting notes that I've missed," I said getting up from my seat and brushing past them, making sure I bumped into her shoulder, hard. I made sure to not even look at Peter's face the entire conversation, I was happy I had actually succeeded.
"She's such a bitch! I'm just trying to make things right with us! Peter! Can you tell her to lay off the attitude?" I heard her whine as I walked away, I couldn't stop the smirk from happening, I knew how much he hated girls who whined.
"I can't Lindsay, grow up," he said, he sounded tired but I refused to give a shit about his shitty relationship.
Since I hadn't actually planned to get notes I decided to just go to the cooking room to find my aunt, at least I couldn't run into assholes there.
"Hey aunty," I said walking into the classroom, she looked up from her lunch and smiled at me.
"Hey, how are you feeling today?" she asked, my eyes narrowed slightly but oh well.
"I'm good," I didn't bother mentioning my small headache that I'll admit grew a bit after talking to Lindsay.
"That's good, a thought struck me today during the time your class was in here," my aunt said, I was curious as to what the thought was.
"Hmm? What was the thought?" I asked her.
"Your cooking partner. You're not supposed to really be talking to him, since he's part of the stress. And I don't want you to wind up in the hospital again, for longer this time," she told me, I could hear the worry in her voice, and I bit my lip. I hated all the worry I've caused among people. Even my dad called-several times-to see how I was doing. I refused to talk to him each and every time.
"Oh, I don't know," I honestly didn't, I felt a little ache thinking about not having Peter as a partner anymore, but at the same time, I knew it was probably best…
"I'm going to have to look over the partners and figure this out," she said giving me a small sad smile, probably knowing along the lines of how I was feeling.
"Do what you have to do, I guess," I said, I didn't want to admit I didn't want the change, because people would assume I like the hurt. Which I don't, I'm just used to it.
"I'm sorry that you have to go through so much pain sweetie," my aunt said coming over to where I was sitting and gave me a tight hug.
"I know it's okay."
"No it isn't, I just wish we could make you feel better. Your mom hates seeing you so…"
"Broken?" I supplied the word; I knew that she didn't want to say it, in case I got defensive. But I can admit that in a lot of ways I am broken.
"Not broken just hurt, we hate seeing you hurting. It's taken a toll on your sister too, she's good at hiding it," my aunt said, and I thought Savannah must be good at hiding it, since I never even thought about how my situation affects the people I love. I feel so much like a spoiled brat who should take what she has and live with it.
"I'm so sorry aunty! I didn't think about how you guys felt…" I said feeling tears start to come to my eyes, and my headache coming on stronger. I had to get out of here; I needed fresh air and my pills. I hastily got up and told my aunt I needed to go talk to someone. I knew she didn't believe me, but I also knew she felt it was unwise to follow me.
I ran to my locker to get my pills, once I had them I ran outside the school to an area not many people were so I could be alone. I sat under a tree swallowed a pill then laid my head back waiting for the pain to go away.
The bell rang a few minutes later and I wasn't ready to get up. I didn't want to go to class. Even though I loved my creative writing class, I just didn't feel up to being in a crowded full of smelly teens classroom.
But I knew I had to go, so I got up off the ground and made my way into the school. I stopped at my locker to get my notebook and a pen, and then I was on my way to class.
Sadly Peter was in that class. He's in all but one of my classes, the one class I had with Layla.
I got to the classroom I had to walk by Lindsay and Peter making out outside the classroom-talk about nasty-and quickly went to sit in my desk, it was in the back, I wasn't much for being close to people. Peter normally sat beside me…I don't know what he's going to do today.
I didn't have to wonder long because he walked into the classroom right before the bell rang and came close to me, but still far enough away, at least he understood I wasn't going to break the rules and talk to him.
All through class I was trying to concentrate on my assignment, we had to write a short story about whatever we chose as our topic. Mine was about a girl who lost her best friend to a popular group of people. We had two weeks to work on it. But I couldn't concentrate whatsoever, probably because Peter kept glancing back at me, I tried to ignore him, even tried to glare his head off, but he still kept looking back at me.
When I finally got tired of the staring I decided to put an end to it.
"What do you want?" I spat, I don't really know why, I mean I was hurt and angry with him…but still. He was obviously taken aback from my tone of voice.
"Sorry, nothing," he said before turning back to his work, I swear I could see a flash of pain in those eyes before he turned around. My cold attitude to him shouldn't really come as a surprise to him.
I was so relieved when the bell finally rang, I ran out of the classroom like there was no tomorrow.
One class left to go and I have it with Layla. Thank goodness. It was drama class, and I could live with it.
"Hey there babe, how was class?" Layla said as I dropped into my normal seat beside her, I looked at her with a frown.
"Aww what happened?"
"Peter," when I said his name her eyes narrowed into thin little slits that said 'I'm going to kill that asshole.'
"What did he do?" she asked through gritted teeth, I knew she was worried about my health.
"Nothing really…he just kept staring at me, then when ignoring and glaring at him didn't stop him I asked him what he wanted, he said nothing went back to his work and didn't look at me again, also I thought I saw some hurt in his eyes," I told her, it kind of confused me, I wanted to know why he kept looking at me.
"Oh, he's a dumbass," she said, but I could tell she was in deep thought; I looked at her curiously wondering why she would be in thought over what I said.
"Whatcha thinking about?" I asked her after a couple minutes, she seemed to snap out of it and smiled at me.
"Nothing important," she said, I couldn't say anything else because the teacher was starting to tell us about our homework, and I actually needed to pay attention so I wouldn't get behind on my schoolwork.
But I still couldn't concentrate on class, my mind kept wondering which isn't good. I knew my headache would come back and I'd need to take some more pills if it did. So I tried my hardest to push my thoughts away from Peter and Layla seeming so in thought about what happened in my class.
Needless to say I was relieved when the bell to go home rang.
When I got home from school mom wasn't home, she was probably working so I started trying to get some more of my short story written up in my room. It didn't work out very well.
"Mel," Sav said knocking on my door, I looked up from my story and told her she could come in.
"What's up Sav?" I asked when she walked into my room and went to sit on my bed. I was at my computer desk so I got up and sat with her.
"Nothing much, just its…I was kind of lonely being…well alone in my room, so I decided I wanted to talk to you, or at least be in here with you while you do your homework," she said pointing to the papers on my desk, I rolled my eyes at it and waved it away as if it was unimportant.
"Doesn't matter, it's due in two weeks. Want to talk about anything specific maybe?" I asked her, I was always suspicious when she came into my room, normally there was a reason, and then it became just hanging out after we were finished the main topic.
"Actually no, this time I really was just lonely. The house isn't the same when mom isn't home; she used to always be home. Now it's just us two mostly, Aunt Emma isn't here that often, since she does have a life outside of us, and dad I guess has officially moved out?" I knew what she meant; it was the two of us for a little while most days until my mom and aunt got home. And dad as far as I knew was living in a hotel at the moment. And the person I knew she purposely didn't mention wasn't here either, Nathan. It sucked.
"I know how you feel. It sucks; do you want to go out to eat? Maybe where mom's working?" I asked her; maybe she'd feel better then.
"We don't exactly have the money for that, I think I'll go have some frozen pizza," she said getting up sadly and leaving my room, I looked down at my hands and felt like crying. I compose myself then I followed her downstairs so I could help her with the frozen pizza.
"Alrighty, let's get this started," I said taking some pizza out of the freezer while she pre-heated the oven. I put the pizza in and we waited for the timer to go off. My thoughts were on Nathan, and how I haven't been to his grave since the funeral. I wanted to go, but it would hurt so badly.
"Savannah…" I started while we were silently eating our pizza, she looked up at me curiously and worriedly since I said her full name.
"Do you…think that maybe…after we eat and clean up…" I swallowed not sure if wanted to say what I was going to say. "That we could go to see Nathan…?" She looked at me, and for a minute I thought she was going to cry but eventually she slowly nodded her head.
"Okay, I think that would be nice," she said smiling at me and taking my hand in hers and squeezed.
We ate and cleaned up quickly and headed to the graveyard. I wrote a note for whoever came home telling them we went out for a little while and that we would be back soon.
We got to his grave and we both sat down on the grass in front of it, I wish I had thought to stop somewhere and get flowers.
"Hey Nate…I've never really believed in talking to a grave before…but maybe it'll help. So I'm sorry we haven't come to visit. It isn't because we don't love you, it's because it's really hard; we miss you so much. And everything is just getting so messed up," I said, I felt the tears coming, but I didn't try to stop them. This was a place where you could let your tears come without feeling like you had to hide them. I noticed Sav was on the verge of tears too, so I pulled into a hug.
"Nathan, I wish you didn't have to exit my life so fast. I…miss…everything," Sav said while she choking on all her words. But I still felt like this was a good idea.
"When you died…I thought, I thought life would stop. That I would stop. But it didn't, everything keeps moving, life keeps going. But we're all just here numb, and hurting and we're moving so slowly and everything is moving so fast, and we can't seem to catch up to life. It won't give us a break," I said, I wish I could say all this to a counsellor, but no the only time I can open up is at Nathan's gave, which makes sense.
"There's no break for us, we're out of breath and it's hard for us to keep moving forward, but to stop, is to give up. And we can't give up, you always taught me to never give up. But everything is breaking apart. Our family is breaking apart. We need you, if mom and dad were getting a divorced while you were alive, you'd be able to tell us, everything is going to be for the best, but you're not here, and Mel and I are having a hard time thinking that anything is for the best anymore. It feels...like something is out to get us, a force that wants us to break down and feel nothing," Sav said, like she was reading my mind. I never realized how much she and I thought alike.
"Sorry it took so long for us to get here," I said to my brother's grave. I suddenly realized that even though we didn't have flowers, I had something I could give, I took a picture out of my pocket and put the picture on his gravestone. It was a picture of him, Sav and me. And I used tape-I know why do I randomly have tape?-and taped it to his stone, and knew the next time I visited, it would still be there.
"That's nice," Sav said leaning into me a bit; we stayed for a few minutes longer before we decided it was time to get home.
When we got home mom was home and so was Aunt Emma and they were talking in the kitchen and drinking some hot chocolate.
"Hey girls, where have you been?" my mom asked looking up at us, I was glad I didn't see complete exhaustion on her face.
"Visiting someone we haven't visited in much too long," I said giving my mom a smile, and she looked at me curiously, I bet she could guess who, but she let it go.
"Alright then," she said taking a sip of hot chocolate.
"Mom? Do you think I could go to the beach this weekend with Layla?" I asked I left out Andy since my mom didn't really like that we were friends again.
"Only if you feel up to it, and don't lie to me about how you're feeling," she told me sternly, and I nodded at her.
"Thanks I'm going to go get some homework done, see you later," I said I didn't want my aunt to mention today at lunch when i ran out of the room.
I felt a little better than I had before, I was glad that Sav and I went to go visit Nathan's grave.
author's note: wow...so it's been waaay too long. I wonder if people still care for this story...or even remember it's existence. Well i hope people like this chapter...and read it for that matter. I've missed it. I wanted to stop writing it so I could finish my other one, and a year and half later I'm still not finished it, but i missed writing this one. So i got off my lazy butt went to my old computer-since I got a new one since I last put up a chapter-and put this story on a flash stick, and well.. wrote. It made me happy. Took me quite a long time to remember everything that I've written and get the flow going, but I did it.
Some interesting news, I'm not a high school graduate. Last time i wrote a chapter i was in the first few week of grade 11, now i'm done grade 12, and off to college in September. Time goes by faster than you want it to.
soo read, review, i'll love you forever, and i'm sorry for anyone who actually cared about this and was sad it stopped for a while-probably no one-I;m getting back into whether I;m done the other one or not.