Its ironic to see the smile on the outside and feel the rage inside

People can see all the emotions on my face

They think they know what I am feeling

They think they understand what I am going through

Everyone gives advise

Do this Do that, be careful, listen to me don't listen to him

Don't do anything you would regret

You need to take time.. you're young you don't know what you want

Give it a couple years, you'll have plenty of time

Well all the time is gone and I didn't have years

It was only months and the floor finally fell through

The time I was supposed to take to thing, to figure things out, to talk

Was thrown away by someone else, He didn't want to try anymore

He had nothing to work for; I was not worth anything anymore

If he was the one to let go am I supposed to be the one to fight?

No, I am the one who is supposed to stand by and hope that the feelings will fade

The feelings of pain and anger, hurt and distrust

feelings of being used and abused and wasted

Until I can fall back into the forever, into the love, into the trust

But that all crashed before the fade could finish, there was no time left, no time given

What happened to forever, why did forever end up being cut short?

The feeling of rage pervades everything

I want to scream and yell and hit things

I want to beat someone up until I can't feel anything anymore

Until I fall to the floor empty and renewed

Clean and free from the pent up emotions

People can see the emotions on my face

But they don't know the turmoil inside

They don't see the confusion, the disaster, the failure, the misery

There is no room for anything to make sense

There is no room for anything new yet

Though the old emotions have been washed out,

The surfaces that have been cleaned off want to stay uncluttered for a while

They want to know what freedom is like

Freedom from having to constantly take in another's emotions and give up what is wanted for them

Freedom from the pressing fears of a relationship, the second guessing, the scrutinizing of others on everything I do

I don't want to hurt anyone with my surge of shifting feelings

I don't want to let my fears and confusion push someone else into the realms of heartache

I know what I don't want but I can't figure out what I do want

The emotions of competing sides throw all actions off

Until I know what I want, until the emotions have been cleared, been sorted out, been separated

From person to person

All that is going to be seen is the smiling exterior

The rage inside will be hidden and cloaked

Cloaked until I find the key that lets it free, free to make room for something else

Anything else, anyone else