In the land of Archazia, where stones are powerful, and good and evil are locked in an eternal struggle, there lived a young shaggy haired boy named Zalbek. He lived in a small log cabin within Warship Woods, with his parents, Faldizeek and Maltoola. Faldizeek, Zalbek's father, was a silversmith, and weapon crafter, he designed weapons, so the townspeople could defend themselves against monsters. Maltoola, Zalbek's mother, was a good sorceress who assigned magical attributes to the weapons that Faldizeek crafted. She was considered unusual, as Archazia was a world that had very little magic in it. One cold winter night, Faldizeek had just whipped out a beautiful axe, and was hoping to use it to chop down some trees and get firewood to his family. Maltoola took the axe into her secret lair and conducted a ritual to make sure the axe was swift and powerful. Then without further delay, Maltoola handed it to her husband and wished him luck, as he set out into the cold winter night. Two hours later, Zalbek was in the middle of a deep sleep, dreaming about dragons and sacred gems, when suddenly he heard a loud noise. It was a hailstorm, but Zalbek was still dreaming.
"THE DRAGON!!! He's here! He's causing our own roof to cave in on us! Am I the only one aware of this?" shouted Zalbek. Maltoola, who was used to these monologues, reminded Zalbek that he
"Dragons aren't real honey. You're dreaming, that was just hail!" said Maltoola, firmly. "Your father is out collecting firewood, so we can stay warm
throughout the winter! I just hope he doesn't run into any firewood monsters!" Zalbek finally woke up.
"Firewood monsters! Ha! Dragons aren't real, but firewood monsters sure are. Truth is, dragons ARE real, and
you're just shielding me from the dangers of the outside world, because you know firewood monsters are easier to defeat than
dragons!" stated Zalbek.
"Well, okay, they are real. When I think you're responsible enough to deal with dragons, I'll give you a sword for your birthday!" said Maltoola, grimmacing at the
sheer thought of Zalbek wielding a sword.
"I am 16 years old! The only monsters I've ever killed are firewood monsters!" said Zalbek. "All the other kids my age brag to me about all the dragons they've slayed, tamed, and/or
ridden on. And why do I keep dreaming about dragons? I think I have prophetic powers! I think the dragons want me! I need to tame one,
and ride one!" said Zalbek.
"Okay then, Mr. I want to be ride dragons, anyway I'm worried about your father. He should have been back two hours ago!" said Maltoola looking up at the clock. The growls, and
howls of the dark, evil, and quite vociferous creatures of the night could be heard as plain as day. Ravenous and
savage ogres were beating on the windowpanes, and coyotes were running rampant, dining on the flesh of the purple people eaters.
"How old was my father when he was given his first sword?" asked Zalbek in an inquisitive tone. Maltoola stared into space for a while, then turned to see
her frustrated son.
"Well....how do I put this....he was five. I just don't think you're quite ready yet Zalbek!" said Maltoola. Zalbek sighed, and went back to sleep. Another two
hours passed. Zalbek's father had not yet returned. Zalbek himself, was still muttering in his sleep.
"I have the sacred gem of JahoozleGat! I have it Mama! The dragons gave it to me! I know I do!" he said. Doubtful, skeptical, and foolish, but well meaning Matoola once again tried to remind her son that he
was dreaming. Zalbek began screaming. But then, as she was trying to calm him down, a tiny green gem fell out of his shirt pocket. Maltoola picked it up, and then looked at the clock,
then back at her son. She now realized that something had to be done. Her husband had not returned. She had physical evidence that her son was a prophesized
"Wake up Zalbek!!! We're going to go look for your father, and you're going to have to protect me!" said Maltoola. Zalbek woke up, and dashed into his mother's secret lair, and
pulled out a freshly enchanted sword.
"That's right. I'll protect you with THIS! Come on, let's go!" said Zalbek. He dashed out the door, his mother following, and the two of them began marching through the
woods in hopes of finding their beloved Faldizeek. As they ventured down the paths of seemingly no return, the voices of the evil monsters could be heard more
and more clearly. Every living thing in the woods was ready for dinner. They finally came to a dead end, near some bushes and wilting roses as red as elf
blood. When it finally seemed like all hope had been lost, suddenly they heard some rustling in the leaves.
"I wonder what that noise is!" shouted Zalbek. Three seconds after Zalbek spoke, Faldizeek could be seen running from a giant 9 foot tall ogre. The ogre
was demanding a game of shuffleboard, but Faldizeek thought the ogre wanted to eat him.
"WOW!!!! That's the most amazing thing I've ever seen Mama!" said Zalbek. The ogre stopped chasing Faldizeek, who was sitting behind a tall Evergreen tree, shiverring with
fright. Zalbek walked right up to the ogre. The ogre looked down at Zalbek.
"Uhhhh.....who's yer daddy?" asked the ogre. Zalbek pointed to the frightened man behind the tree.
"OHHHH....he no play shuffleboard with me. He also try to steal wood from me. Me eat trees. Me no want dat guy
to steal my trees! You related to dat jerk? Me crush you!" said the ogre. Right before the ogre layed his foot down, Zalbek pulled out his sword and gave
the ogre's big stinky foot a taste of it. The ogre ran off into the woods crying with pain, then Zalbek rushed over to see his frightened and bewildered father.
"The monster's gone now. I saved you!" said Zalbek. Faldizeek realized this was true, after scanning every nook and cranny of the woods.
"Thank you Zalbek. How did you do it?" asked Faldizeek.
"I did it with this sword!" said Zalbek showing off the shimmering green tinted sword.
"Does Mama Maltoola know you ventured out into the wild blue yonder in search of me?" asked Faldizeek, in a demanding tone.
"Umm...yeah, she watched the whole entire thing, she was right here with me!". "HEY MAMA!" shouted Zalbek. Maltoola came running to see her family, her feet crawling with leeches.
"Excellent work Zalbek. I must admit, I misjudged you! I can't wait to tell your father about the gem that appeared inside your pocket!" said Maltoola. So Faldizeek, Maltoola, and Zalbek returned home safely with plenty of firewood and lived happily ever after. Well, actually, this tale islonger than that.