So...*nervous laughter* long time no see, huh?

*dodges flying fruit being thrown at her*

I know, I know. WORST WRITER EVER. I am SO SO SO SO SO sorry! I really am. I know you might have given up on this story but I sincerelly hope you forgive me and give me one last chance. Because after this chapter which I just banged out, there will only be ONE MORE CHAPTER OF LOVING CHARLIE EVANS. That's right, it's gonna be the end very shortly.

I really hope you guys like how I'm ending this. I was going through my head how to and this really just seemed like the truest way to end it. Thanks again for your comments and suggestions guys. Love youu (even though you all prob hate me...)

chapter twenty six

It was six hours before Bonnie was allowed to see Charlie. She knew it, because every minute she checked the clock on the wall above the water fountain to see if an hour had passed or not.

The whole time, Derek sat next to her. They didn't talk to each other once. The only time Bonnie spoke, in fact, was to her mother who had called to check up on her.

When the nurse finally appeared in the waiting room, Bonnie sprang up. She wasn't going to even wait for her to give her permission to go see Charlie.

"How is he?" Bonnie asked, forcing a smile even though she was tearing up slightly. The nurse started to say something but Bonnie didn't wait for an answer. She tried to push past the nurse and head for his room.

"Wait, honey," she said, stepping in front of Bonnie. "You—,"

"I have to see him. Please, I've been waiting all this time." Bonnie pleaded, her eyes full of anxiety. The nurse looked from Bonnie to Derek who was right behind her. Bonnie shook her head, frustrated with waiting, and continued past the nurse.

"Stop!" she called after her. "Please," she looked to Derek. "You've got to stop her."

Bonnie grunted as she felt Derek's hands grip her upper arm, pulling her back down the hall. "We can't go in yet, Bonnie." He said, coaxing her back towards the nurse.

"Why?" Bonnie groaned. She was growing angry. All she wanted to do was see how Charlie was doing. She was tired of waiting. She was tired of being told she couldn't do anything. And she was extremely tired of not getting to just talk to him. That's all she wanted to do; talk. Why couldn't they get that?

"Miss—," the nurse started. But Bonnie didn't let her finish. As soon as Derek relaxed his grip on her, Bonnie dashed down the hallway. It only took her six seconds to reach his room, but as she made her way towards Charlie it seemed like the whole world had stopped and she couldn't stop thinking about him.

Flashes of memories rushed through her veins and into her head; the first time they met, how he saved her at the gas station, their first kiss, driving to school with him, him meeting her family, living with him for those days, seeing her father with him, fighting with him, seeing him again at the party. She remembered everything and every detail that went along with it. It all lead up to the very last "good" memory she had with him. As she started to watch in her head their dance at Downs, she felt her stomach flip flop and butterflies start to flutter all throughout her body. She could almost feel him on her fingertips; see his hand reach for hers.

Finally, she pictured kissing him. She couldn't wait to storm into the room and just kiss him again, knowing that everything was alright. Then, they'd fill out his discharge papers and head back to his house. After his family and they had talked for a while, he'd lead her out into the backyard and they'd lie under the stars. She would rest her head on his chest, her fingers interlocked with his. And then, he'd whisper into her ear how much he loved her and she would kiss him, just as they both had that day in the car.

Bonnie felt her lips turn, forming the hugest smile she had ever had as she finally swung open the door to his room. Then, everything seemed to speed back up to reality. She stopped at the foot of the bed, looking at Charlie. Something was wrong. Something was horribly, horribly wrong. Ms. Evans was kneeling beside Charlie clutching his hands and sobbing into his chest. Two nurses tried their best to comfort her, as they placed their hands on her shoulders. The doctor stood next to all of them, clipboard in his hand, his lips moving slowly. Bonnie couldn't understand any of the words that were coming out of them though. She was just staring at Charlie. He wasn't trying to console his mother, or tell the nurses and doctor to leave, and what upset Bonnie the most, he wasn't looking up to her. He wasn't giving her that famous crooked grin he had with the matching cocky look in his eyes that said, "I told you so." He wasn't smiling at her, his arms outstretched waiting for her to come into them.

"Charlie," she whispered. She looked at him, desperately waiting for him to respond. He didn't move though. He continued to lay underneath Ms. Evans. "Charlie." She said again.

"Charlie…" her voice was now breaking. She clutched her waist, surrounding herself in her own embrace as she leaned against the wall and slowly slid to the floor. "Charlie. Charlie…Charlie!" she was now crying out his name. "Wake up, Charlie! I'm here. Wake up!" She searched his body for any sense of movement. But he remained motionless.

Bonnie felt someone holding her, trying to pull her back to her feet. It was Ms. Evans. She gave up though and instead sat with Bonnie, holding on to her as they both cried. Derek now rushed into the room, stopping short as he saw Bonnie and Ms. Evans. Then, he turned towards Charlie's bed.

"But—he…oh, God. Damnit. No." Derek said to himself, realization striking him. He exhaled in frustration, his hands pulling at his hair as he started pacing back and forth in the room. Then he stopped and he knelt down by Bonnie, joining her and Ms. Evans. He pulled both of them to their feet and held the two sobbing women.

Bonnie couldn't process what was going on. Even as she was being held. Even as she was crying her eyes out, at a time when she thought that she had run out tears. Even as she watched Charlie, his blue skin tight against his bones, his eyes closed and his chest unmoving. Even as the doctor began to explain how the procedure had never guaranteed anything and that everything that could have been done had been done. Even as she felt a part of her heart break off, tearing bits and pieces with it as it floated up and away from her.

Something told her not to, but Bonnie felt herself leave Derek and Ms. Evans and walk towards Charlie. She made slow, cautious steps, as if he was asleep and she feared to wake him. When she reached him, she slowly knelt down and looked at him. Her hands drifted up towards him, caressing his head and touching him; his eyes, his nose, his lips. She touched his neck and gulped back more tears when she didn't feel the blood pumping through is veins. Her hands made their way down his neck, past his shoulders, and finally to his chest. She pressed down on the spot where she should have felt his heart beating. The place where she should be resting her head now in relief that he was alright and could be with her again. This was when her lower lip began to tremble violently until she was crying so hard, screams escaped her throat, erupting in the room. Ms. Evans and Derek jumped, startled.

"You promised you wouldn't leave, this time!" she cried out, beating his chest with her fists. She struck at him with all her might at the hallow body that now lay on the gurney, free of breath, free of life—free of Charlie.

Even as she was being dragged away from him by Derek, she still lashed out at him. She knew what she was saying was a lie. Charlie had told her; in fact he had preparedher for this. He had made sure she knew that he wouldn't make it. And she didn't believe him. She truly had faith everything would be fine. She now lashed out, not at him, but at herself for being so stupid.

Finally, Derek got her to stop hitting Charlie and herself. She exhaled, breathing heavily as she looked at Charlie's body. She felt her body shake all over. Then, she spun around, faced Derek, and slapped him across the face.

"This is your fault!" she cried out. "You should have help him sooner! We could have saved him! He could be alive right now. None of this would have happened if you had just been quicker."

Even as she said these words, full of hatred and anger, Bonnie knew she was wrong. What was worse though was that she didn't care. Because she knew deep down that she had no one to blame. Not even herself. It was no one's fault that Charlie had died. Nobody was to blame for this tragedy. But she felt the want, the need, to blame someone. And Derek was the first person to come to mind. And now, as Derek clutched the side of his face where Bonnie had hit him and looked back at her, Bonnie saw how horrible he felt. She saw the guilt escaping his eyes as tears streamed down with them. She saw his mouth open up to say something, anything, but close only to be defeated.

Ms. Evans had now walked over and grabbed Bonnie, engulfing her into her body.

"I'm so sorry," she cried into Bonnie's shoulder. They both held onto each other as if life depended on it. "I'm sorry."

Bonnie had no clue why Ms. Evans was apologizing to her, but she let her. She didn't know if it was because she wanted someone to apologize for what had happened to Charlie or if she just didn't have the strength to stop her. All she knew was that everything felt wrong. Everything in the room felt…disgusting. Her body felt like leeches were sucking her skin and the blood rushing through her veins felt like it had turned ice-cold and now frozen.

Charlie was gone. The car had come and crashed into him, killing him. Charlie was gone and wasn't ever going to come back. No matter how much Bonnie wished he would. And as everyone tried to console her in some way and tell her that everything would be fine, she wanted nothing more than to punch all of them. He was gone. Charlie was dead. Didn't they understand? She could not fathom a life, no matter what anyone did to make her feel better, without him. There was absolutely no world for her without Charlie. Everything was cold, and dark, and evil. And it was all because there was no more Charlie.

. . .

"Are you sure you don't want anything to drink?"

Bonnie was sitting at her kitchen table, her arms crossed over her chest. Her mom had been trying for about an hour to convince her to eat breakfast. But she wasn't hungry. She hadn't been hungry or thirsty for the last week. She hadn't been tired either. Ever since she had seen that horrible sight of Charlie's body lying…dead in the hospital, everything had changed.

"Bonnie, please," Ms. Jones insisted, sliding a coffee mug towards her daughter. "You have to drink something. You haven't eaten or drank in at least six days."

Bonnie looked at the cup and then back at her mother.

"I'm not hungry," She said, her voice trembling. "I'm not thirsty. And for the ten hundredth time, can't you just leave me alone?"

Even as the words spilled out of her mouth, Bonnie wished she could take them back. She could feel the hurt in her mother's heart as she said them. But she was just so hurt. And her mom was the person who seemed to keep getting to brunt of her anger.

"Mom," Bonnie started, stuttering slightly. "I'm sorry. I didn't—I didn't mean to. It's just that—,"

Ms. Jones sighed, walking over to her. She pulled her into her arms and rubbed her back as she spoke. "I know, sweetie, I know. And I know you don't believe me, but you've got to have faith that this is going to pass. You willfeel better. Everything really is going to be okay."

Bonnie nodded against her mother. She didn't cry though. Crying had been useless she had found. It didn't do anything to make her feel better and it certainly did not bring Charlie back.

"I know this is the last thing you want to talk about," her mom began a few minutes later, quietly. "But we really need to figure out school for you."

"Mom, I—," Bonnie started.

"I know you don't want to go back," Ms. Jones interrupted her. "But, Bonnie…you have to. And I'm not just saying that because I'm your mother or because you need to get your grades up, although that is a very big factor. I'm saying it because you got to continue with your life. You can't just stop living."

"I can't go back, Mom." Bonnie whispered.

"Yes, you can," Ms. Jones said grinning. "I know you, Bonnie. You can do anything you want to do. It's going to be hard, yes, but you will be able to do it."

And she was right. The next day, it had been hard. In fact, Bonnie had gone to the bathroom crying three times that day. And when lunch came around, she couldn't look at any of her friends. Instead, she took her sandwich and ate with Paige in the library. The worst part was when she passed that spot in the hallway. It was where she would meet up with Charlie every day on her way to class. It was as if she could still see him standing there, waiting for her. She even laughed, remembering all his corny pick-up lines he'd say because he knew they'd make her smile. That, he said, was his favorite thing about her. Her smile.

The next few days continued the same way. Go to school, cry a few times, eat with Paige, and laugh to herself at that one spot in the hallway. But then, Art came around. When she got into the room, she had walked to her cubby to pull out some supplies when she noticed a paper folded in the back. She stuck her hand in and pulled it out. When she unfolded it, she restrained herself was dropping the paper. It was the sketch she had started of Charlie. She had been frustrated with the one in her book and started over on this paper. It was only halfway done, but she could still not get over the striking resemblance of Charlie on that paper. It was as if it was really him looking up at her.

And suddenly, it dawned on Bonnie what she really had to do if she wanted to start getting on with her life. Part of her was screaming to stop and just forget about the idea, but another part was practically begging her to just do it. She took a deep breath and smiled slightly to herself. She would do it. And why? Because she knew if Charlie had been there he wouldn't stop pestering her until she did.