okay this is a oneshot sort of...just a lil thing to help me through somestuff...

my heart skipped a beat tht first time you turned around to see me walk into the room.

it stopped for about three whole seconds when u actually said hi to me.

the pain tht tht 3 second stop caused was unbearable for me.

but as u walked away i realized tht i would go through tht kindof pain a million and one times a day just to hear you say my name.

after class u walked up to me again.

you didnt just say hi this time you actually smiled and took my hand.

i dont kno why but i didnt pull away like i wouldof wit anyother guy.

at tht point i knew i didnt want to let you go.

tht time was 12 and a half months ago. u still say hi to me and take my hand all the while unknowingly makin my heart stop and takin my breath away wit the simple things you thoughtlessly do.

but u dont hold my hand for long when some other cute girl walks by.

you just drop it and walk over and take her's.

ive noticed tht you cant go up to five mins without a hand in yours.

sadly ive noticed tht it aint always mine you seem to want to hold either.

i cry myself to sleep at nite wit tht picture you took of our hands intertwinded together reachin for the early summer sun held securly in my hands.

i have dreams.

no i wouldnt call them dreams.

id call them slideshow nightmares where the only pictures i can see is of your hand and someother cute girls in the exact same pose as our hand picture.

tht picture has went through so many frames tht i lost count after 20 cause each time i have those slideshow nightmares tht picture is chucked across my room only to crash into my wall and the frame brake

into a tiny million pieces.

i realized about 6 months ago tht i had fallen in love wit you.

no i didnt do it on purpose if thts wat ur thinking i didnt even want to really since youve caused me so much pain no i dont hold the pain you caused agaist you because you dont even kno wat your doin to me.

i had made up my mind tht i was goin to tell you how i feel the next day at skol during the study hour tht we have together

i went to bed (yes tht picture was still held firmly in my hands)

but thankfully god blessed me wit a dreamless sleep

i woke up and went through my normal morning rutine

once i got to school i didnt noctice that u werent there since i had been runin late but i did start to notice you werent around when my hand started gettin cold on my lonely way to lunch

since you usally walked wit me i just pushed the thoughts tht you had for some odd reason ditched me outof my head and went to sit by myself for the first time since i had come to this school

after lunch was the study hour we had together

so once i was done with my food i went and dumped my tray and made my way to doors tht lead outside to the court yard on the other side of the lunchroom

once out there i made my way to the far corner where two sides of the fence meet wit the large oak firmly plated in the ground

i laid down my binder and books then sat up against the tree as i wiated for you

25 mins had pasted and still you hadnt shown

reasons raced through my mind tht i didnt even want to think about

i started to cry once the study hour started to come to an end and you still hadnt shown

i picked up my binder and books and jumped the short fence tht was supposed to keep us students into the skol grounds

once i was over the fence i made i way to the student parkin lot over near where i always parked 7 spaces to the left of you.

i looked over and noticed your car wasnt even there

i was happy sad and worried all at the same time

happy because i realized tht you hadnt blown me off since you werent even at skol

sad because u didnt call or txt me to tell me you wouldnt be at skol

worried because i didnt kno the reason you werent there

i jumped into my car and flew my way outof the skol parking lot

once out of the lot i doubled my speed to get to your house 15 mins away in the littlest time i could

9 mins later i pulled in to ur driveway between ur own car and ur mothers

id been here every monday wenesday and friday after skol

i had spent a couple of weekends over at your house

all the while havin to sleep in ur guest room so there wasnt a need for me to knocked since i was practicaly concidered family so i justed walked right on in

i made my way through the livin room and up the stairs without hearing a sound

but once i made it half way down the hallway to ur room i could hear ur mothers moufulled sobs comin from behind ur closed door

i ran to ur room and opened the door only to realize tht you where the reason she was crying

u where layin on ur bed with ur eyes closed and ur breathing very shollow looking very ill

sick enough to not even live the next few mins

i walked fastly over to the opposite side of ur mother and took ur hand in my own this time

the contact from my hand made you open ur blue eyes and look into my green eyes blood shot from cryin earlier

i could fill the confussion and sadness filling my eyes as i felt myself start to cry again

i reached up and pushed ur long blonde hair from ur eyes only to have the pieces fall back into place

like usaul a small smile came on your face when my eyebrows came together in the agravastion i always felt when your bangs didnt behave for me

whats wrong i asked looking around and noticeing ur mother had walked out sometime after i came in

you didnt say anything as u reached over and grabed a purple envelop off of ur night stand

u handed tht purple colored envelope to me wit sad eyes and a small frown on ur face

i leaned down to kiss ur cheek just like i always did to make ur frown go away but u turned ur head right before my lips meet ur cheeck makin my lips connect to your own

i didnt pull away and u didnt make a move to stop me

u kissed me gently for a couple of mins as a fire spred throught my body makin me fell things i had never felt before

but once i felt tht frown come bac on ur beatiful face i pulled bac to ask what was wrong once more but the only thing tht came out was...iloveyou.

once those words left my mouth the frown deppended as you looked straight into my tearfilled eyes and softly repiled...as iloveyou.

u took ur last four breaths after you said those word to me as ur body layed completely still and my hand still holdin urs

i got up and layed beside you and cryed like i had never had before

10 mins later a person came into ur room to take ur body away

i wanted to put up a fight but i knew it wouldnt be of use instead i waited till they took ur body away and sat up againt ur headboard

i broght the purple envelope up to my face and turned it to see what you had written on the front

mybestfriend was scribblled neatly in your own personal hand writin in the very center

tears filled my eyes once more as i turned it over and pulled the note out of the envelope

i unfolded the note and began to read


i hope i was able to give this to you myself before i pasted

i kno to you my death was sudden and also unpredictable

but the truth is tht i was diagnosed wit cancer about 13 months ago.

i didnt tell you or anyone eles cause i didnt want to be pitied if the time came tht the cancer had won and killed me

sadly since you are reading this the day seems to have come

for the past 12 and a half months you have been mybestfriend

since the first time i seen you i feel in love wit you

the first time you said my name in your sleep when you stayed the night for the first time and feel asleep on the couch wit ur head on my shoulder

while not even finishin the notebook u had made me watch wit you

i kne i wanted to be together wit you forever

also i wanted to wake u up rite tht second and tell you everything

but my mind own the battle against my heart tht night

u might have noticed how i always have to hold someones hand most of the time also

i started doing tht unintinually about two weeks after i found out i had cancer

im pretty sure i do it so ill always have someone wit me

angel...iloveyou and hope youll forgive me one day for leavin you

but dont worry we will be together once again when god says its time for us to be

i promise ill wait but its alrite if you dont want to

ill understand cause i dont want you to be sad for ur whole life or miserable for ur whole life either just because of me

well angel i guess thts it

once again im sorry but dont grive for me please

you kno tht i dont want you to


your bestfriend (Austin)

once i got done reading the note tht he had personaly wrote to me my body moved on its own accord out of his house to my car and drove its way to my own empty house.

i got out of the car walked to my bedroom and grabbed the picture of our hands and slide to note tht i had put bac into the purple envelope in the bottom of the frame

i then walked into my conjoined bathroom filled up myself a glass of water and grabbed my sleeping pills from the bathroom counter

i made my way bac to my bed wit the frame water and pills and placed them on my bedside table

i then made my way to the small desk in my room and took a piece of blue paper and wrote in red pen on it

...i did it to be wit him...

and folded and took the little note back wit me over to my bed

i opened my bottle of sleeping pills and poured about half the bottle in my hand

i poured the ones in my hand into my mouth and chased them down wit half of my water

i did the same wit the other half of the water and pills

then grabbed my picture frame wit our hand picture and the purple envvelope into the left hand you always held

and held the blue folded note in my right hand

then i rolled onto my right side and closed my eyes as i started to fill myself drift off into my bodies forever sleep

the last thing i seen before i took my last breath was Austin's beautiful face behind my closed eyelids.

welp there you go...remember reviews are always nice...and as for YNTOO...im working on the next chaoter so hopefully i will have it put on here in about three to four days since i have skol work to checkup on...