Ah, romance, my least favoirite genre of literture. Nobody point out that I have a romance story posted. Now, normally I wouldn't write a guide on this, as all the icky mushy stuff makes me feel sick. But it's the school holidays and I'm bored. Please note, I do not know what I'm talking about right now. But then again, when do I ever?

Once again, Mary-sues

I don't think I can not put this in a guide any more. Romance is acknowledged as being the most 'sue infested genre of them all. I still do not see what the problem with them is. I mean, if the guy was some ugly, stupid jerk, why would the chick want to date him? And yes, of course she will see him as perfect, and will not notice the flaws. I've never been in love, but I'm pretty sure you don't think of people as being stupid, ugly jerks when you love them. So, that means your protagonist can describe their love interest as perfect, because that's just how they look to them. Love blinds people, which means you can also make the love interest act like a jerk and still not get dumped. Which, kind of makes the whole 'sue argument irrelivent. Also, yes, he guys can all ne super-sexy and get there clothes off every other chapter. Do that, and I will probably read your story.

High-school romance

Everybody's been to high-school. Well, everybody over eleven and not living in a thirdworld country. So these should be easy to write, right? Wrong, because they are old and getting dull. Until you make them different. And no, random slash does not count as making it different. Now, something interesting, such as blackmail, conspiracies, or vampires would count. Okay, so vampires isn't different, but all the same... The simple fact is, get a decent plot, or just don't do it. Please.

Vampire romance

Note, if you are reading this, I assume you are not Stephany Meyer. And that means you shall never be her, no matter how much you may or may not want to be. All the people trying to copy twilight are beginning to annoy even me, but I'm going to shut up and assume some of them write pretty good stories, even though evidence suggests otherwise. Now, again, you actually do need a plot. Is the human related to vamire hunters? Or was the human's parents murdered by vampires, and it later turns out the vampire they're dating is the one responsible? Now that would be a plot. Not 'pity me I'm in love with a vampire and he's awesome'. Okay, so Meyer pulled it off, but she had fight scenes and people trying to kill the human, so clearly there was something happening. But, seriously, pay attention to the plot, people.

And DON'T catagoise it as horror!!!

Other random mytholgical creatures

As a general, these seem to be done by people trying too hard to be orriginal, but hey, at least they're trying. All I will say, is PLOT PLOT PLOT PLOT PLOT!!!!!!!!!!!! Did I say it enough time yet? Yes, by all means, make them love some random freak, and then make something interesting happen. Throw in random annoying jurnalists and writers if you want, it works for me. Basically, do what I told you to do with vampires.

Random smut

The only place where I will let people off with this (or sometime occasionally in comedy), just because it at least fits with romance. But please just let it make sense. Two people don't just hate each other one minute and start screwing the next. If they are a couple, then fine, let there be smut. Mortal enemies, just so long as it's sensible. And, oddly, random smut can occasionally make a plot, and I believe that's called erotica.


Read what I wrote about this in my plot guide. At least, I think it was in my plot guide. It was a very long section and I can't be bothered to type it out again. Or copy and paste. Both take too much effort.

Not listening to the idiot

No, I actually don't mean me. There is likely to be someone who says "no, she should be with the other guy". They are called fangirls, and they should stick to . Just because a couple of readers prefer one pairing, doesn't mean that's the right one. A lot of readers of series' or trilogies stop supporting a particular pairing after it becomes cannon. Why? I do not know. Personally, I tend to dislike pairings that mess with tha cannon, but I find I'm often an exception. How many people would have prefered Bella to choose Jacob? And how different would twilight have been if she had? The author picks the cannon, and the fangirls get to whine and screw with it on fanfiction.

And now, for the other meaning of don't listen to the idiot. Yes, after you read all of that, I am telling you that I don't know what I'm talking about. Wait? I told you at the beginning? D'oh!