Almost Eighteen And Not Eight

I sit here in almost an unbelievable trance, in almost silence which is a good environment for this sort of thing. Yet, I seem to regret it all, I don't really know. but then, again I worry. so, I'll lay these out for you out here.

I am currently 17 and I've focused on ethics and politics for a year now. And, five months ago now, when I first turned seventeen I realized in about a year I'd be eighteen and an official adult. I really don't know what to think. I'll be part of society being able to vote and play a part in what I want for my nation. This is an uncommon side of me to show, I know, as I usually pretty tough skinned and will fight back under any circumstance but this sadness doesn't come out too often. However, I do have it and I do think deeply. so now five months in to my 17th years of existence on this planet earth, and after five months of pondering I really am concerned as both my senior year and adulthood loom nearer. Thinking of all the responsibilities worry me especially my political involvement. so, what if I made the wrong decision. I know a bit but I don't claim to be the cleverest at all. I do but don't know how to play these games. Now, I think about it I'd also have to follow my states politics more as well as I follow DC but rarely my local politics.

I sometimes wish I was eight again and not eighteen. when I was the carefree goofball that worries about how I'd create more trouble at school, whether I had enough paper to invent more of my stories, and if my friends would call tonight. When I need not care about grades and college acceptance and what my parents and teacher thought as I could blow my grades off like gusts of wind and not worry about how I was acting because I didn't know it mattered. When I could not take P.E, seriously because I knew it was going to just make the teacher upset, but nothing else. When I could shrug off and just giggle when the teacher scolded me, because I didn't know better. When I didn't have to care how many laughed at me because I didn't know it matter. When I could read harry potter all day and let my profession be fangirl, as there is nothing to worry about. When I could fake myself that Remus Lupin could be real and a friend, because I didn't know better. When I could write and make up stories all day long because I had nothing better to do. When I could be abnoxious and run around the house because I liked annoying people. When I didn't have to know the world because no one would tell me because I wasn't ready. And, lastly.... When I didn't have to be informed and worry about politics, because I just didn't see how it mattered.

Gone are the carefree days and I now must face the world. In seven months or so, it will be the real thing.