They were freed by the hand of G-d with the help of Moses, they left Egypt, and now, the Hebrew people was facing a new challenge, and by challenge I mean walk in circles for 40 freaking years in the middle of the desert.

—I'm so tired! —Eloy, an old man whined

—yeah darling, I heard you the first time…40 years ago; 40 of the sandiest, driest and…"desertiest" years of my life— his wife, Ruth answered him.

Moses knew this situation was getting out of control: the people were losing their patience, and no one could blame them; this (supposedly) was a short walk to the Promised Land, but now, there was even a whole new generation of Hebrews who don't knew nothing but walk and walk.

—Moses! Why can't you just ask for the address? —A young girl exclaimed —I bet those Hyksian guys would help us.

—Because we're not lost! I know where we're going to!

—Jeez, chill out…Why men don't like to ask for orientation?

And she was not the only one: everybody in the group had something to complain or whine about; of course, they all knew since day one that this wouldn't be a picnic, but they thought they would be three weeks tops; everybody was murmuring about this failure of a journey

—Would you please shut up! —Moses exclaimed very angry at first, but then, he tried to calm down —don't you remember why are we doing this? We're going to the land of the honey and the milk!

—Excuse me Moses, but about "honey" part… I'm allergic to all "bee" related stuff, and my brother, Ishmael, he can't digest dairies—another man complained

—Oh Hashem, I had a good life back in Egypt…—Moses said to himself

—Moses, excuse me but…—A little shy girl got closer to the prophet, struggling to articulate her speech

—What?! What is this time? Is it the sand? Please, don't make a big deal about that again, I mean, I got sand even in my…

—No!, it's just that…well, I think I see the Promised Land

—I'm sorry, what?

—yeah, it's to our left, you know, the place with that huge billboard: "Welcome to the Promised Land: vacancies"

—Wow Moses: how could you not see the Promised Land? —someone in the crowd asked

—Oh, don't you look at me like that! I'm not the only one with eyes, alright?

—Yeah, but you're our prophet, you know: that kind of makes you responsible…— a female voice said.

—It's the freaking last time I bought a map to a Phoenician: masters of the seas, idiots of the desert…

—Really Moses, when are you going to admit to need to wear glasses? —An old woman questioned the prophet.

—I don't need glasses! And you all could say something!

But after a little argument, the Hebrew people were ready to move to the legendary Promised Land.

—Welcome to the Promised Land! The ideal place to live for the People of the Book, now with accessible credits for the modern errant! —The clerk in the entrance said, passing fliers to the new "costumers" —just remember: don't litter, and if you want to have some pet in the propriety, just talk with the neighbors: come in and enjoy!

—Alright my People! This is the end of our journey, and all I can say is…G-d, you better make things right for our nation this time.

And as we all know, Moses was right: The Hebrew people would never face persecution, genocide, slavery or the lack of dairy-free products. It was the beginning of a new age.



A very "free" version of an old story…Well, a little late, but I hope you had a Happy Eastern / Happy Pesach