A/N : I know I'm a horrible person for doing this while Love and Theft isn't complete yet, but I was reading a blog and was sort of inspired to do something. You should read it too, I think it is a wonderful and a meaningful place for people to express themselves about love. The url is leloveimage . blogspot . com :) Remove the spaces.
- Oneshot -
Someday I'll Find Him.
It's the fifteenth of September, and I'm at my house. Alone for now, watching TV. It's more to staring at the screen without really watching it, rewinding back to 2 years before..
It had been a wonderful 5-month relationship. I thought I had it going with Zack. Well, that's what everyone thought. We met during high school and he chased me for weeks before I finally gave in. He was amazing to me- funny, smart, everything you can ask for in someone. Everyone saw what we had, they were convinced that we were going to make it through everything. No one would have guessed that it all shattered because of one small reason.
"You think I'm not good enough for you, then?" Zack asked coldly.
I flinched, even though we were on the phone and I couldn't see his expression. "Can you calm the hell down? I was only asking why weren't you in college today."
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
I gritted my teeth. "It's supposed to mean exactly why weren't you in college today. I was worried- I thought you were sick or something."
"Sure you did." Harsh and cold once more.
And now my temper burst, bringing the argument to whole new loaded level.
"What's wrong with you nowadays? Every single little thing I say you turn it into a huge argument. Whenever I ask you about you get all touchy and cold. Is there something you need to tell me?"
It was silent for a long moment. I was getting furious by the second.
"Well?" There's still no answer. I checked my phone- two bars were missing. I groaned. "Sorry, I think my line's breaking up. Can we talk tomorrow?"
"No." Came his harsh answer. My heart felt as if it stopped dead beat. "The line's not breaking up- we are. We're done, Lynn."
"..What?" I ran my hand through my hair. "No- you're kidding right? Zack-"
"We're fucking done okay? I can't take this. What happened was fun for the while, yeah, sure, but we're done. I'm done."
I began to feel crushed, angry- disappointed. "So then- what- " Tears fought it's way to my eyes, uninvited as I struggled to find words. "I was just..just a stopgap?"
"You can say that." He answered indifferently. "I was thinking more of a...replacement girlfriend. Look," he said, and it sounded like he was softening. "We don't need to end off like this. We can still be friends."
"Friends," I repeated dully, tears streaming down my cheeks. "Friends. No," I suddenly spat. "You think you can use me for a few months then end it and say lets be friends? No, Zack. You've done enough. Just because you used me doesn't mean I won't find another guy. I will. Someday I'll find him."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Zack sounded uncaring once more, and my heart felt like it was being stabbed. And then he hung up.
My knees gave way and I hit the floor of my bedroom with a thud. I curled into a ball right there and sobbed until my roommate found me.
I deleted Zack from everything. I deleted his number from my phone, I deleted him from my Facebook, I did my best to delete him from my memories. But none of it worked. I'm a person that needs closure, I like clean cut relationships. So I ended everything and moved away after getting a transfer to another college. And I stopped trusting guys. And dating, for that matter. For a few months I was the quiet girl in class who could be brilliant if I opened my mouth to talk.
But all that was so long ago. Actually, its 2 years ago. Now everyone who knows me calls me Jo or Jolynn. And most of all, I think I'm starting to learn to trust again.
I almost jumped when the doorbell rang. I calmed myself down, turned the TV off and went to get it. I opened the door and smiled at the guy standing there. He smiled back at me, his chocolate-brown eyes warm. He leant in and kissed my lips.
Remember when I said someday I'll find him?
Well, I found him.