Well, here we go. I, V.M. Stone, am going to attempt what few mere mortals have ever dared-read the entirety of the notorious rapefic we all know as "My Immortal." For your entertainment, I shall commentate upon said pukefest until you all get bored and stop reading, I finish the story, and/or I go stark raving mad and show up halfway through algebra in a lime-green tutu with a chicken on my head. Whichever comes first.

Into the breach, my friends. Here goes.

*Ahem*

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

V sez: *faceplants into keyboard* I'm doomed.

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'nessDementia Raven Way

V sez: Okay, already I have a question: How in the name of Bruce Banner's underpants do you pronounce an apostrophe? The French don't use that as an accent mark, and they're, well…French.

and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).

V sez: Hold up-she can spell limpid, but not the? Even if "Raven" edited this, I'm assuming the author's notes were present at the time, otherwise there'd be more typos in the actual text. Fellowship, methinks I smell a troll.

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.

V sez: Ah, nothing like good old incest fantasies to get the creative juices flowing.

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.

V sez: Mrs. Meyer, there's a plagiarism lawyer on Line One.

I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

V sez: Dear God, I'm surprised she doesn't give us the barcode numbers while she's at it.

I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

V sez: Whaaaat? People, I have never seen it snow and rain at the same time-sleet, yes, but that's different-and I live in freaking Minnesota, Bipolar Weather Capital of the World.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

V sez: *gasp* Quick, somebody call the Filmmakers Guild-Hitchcock needs to have his Oscars confiscated, because THIS is suspense!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

V sez: *blink* Sorry, guys. It's not the sudden ending that's bugging me. It's just taking me a little while to accept that someone this irritating would have friends.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

V sez: "Please tell me," she says. Meheheheeee.