I lay down at night in the bed of my childhood when I'm not sleeping at Dan's apartment, and times like these, I can really feel my baby grow inside of me. It creates little flutters down between my hips like butterflies' wings and occasionally feels as if it is tumbling down a grassy hill in the spring. Sometimes, I can feel the baby nudge with with it's tiny fist or foot, as if to say "hi momma!". Othertimes I get a sharp jab in my left ribcage or right in my pubic bone, but that's only when I sit a certain way. Like when I lean forward in the when sitting upright when there's something pressing against my tummy, like the edge of my desk at school, it really hates that.
I know I will be a young mother in this world. I have created scandal in my family, my own mother has shunned me more than ever before and I know exactly why. But I will never shun my baby. I reach and place my hands over my swollen tummy where I think my baby is laying nestled inside of me and caress my firm skin where I have lifted my shirt away from my skin and sigh. I know he or she will be beautiful, regardless of its sex, hair color and personality. This one person will entirely belong to me for once, more than Danny. more than my mother and father, Kade and Anne and Kirsten will ever be. I will bring this baby into the world and I will take care of it, more than myself. My baby nudges where my left hand is and I smile. Is it possible to love someone you've never really met before?
You will be like a beautiful Daffodil, baby. Sweet and bright and tall. I tell my baby silently before I drift away into dreams of it's face and its giggles, of rocking it to to sleep and watching it grow and blossom, just like Daffodils. I dream of it's velvet skin and coos and cries. I love you, love you.