The Pain You Take


Loving more than you are loved.

Loving people more than they love you.


Those people that make you cry so often, but never see your tears.

You can't bear the thought of causing them to feel guilty or sad at your pain.

You hope they would be guilty, if they knew.


You sacrifice so many opportunities, you suppress yourself, stay out of their way.

You'll be a martyr for their happiness.

Maybe one day they'll notice. Maybe one day they'll thank you.

Maybe one day it won't be so painful.


But what if they already know?


They just don't care.


It's hard to imagine a person like that.

With that terrible but admirable power,

To use someone,

To murder their dreams,

To push them away,

To watch the happiness drown away in their faces,

To say the words that can tear their heart,

Without guilt.


It was on the train, I remember.

She cut me, with her cold, steel voice


I cried.

That made her smile.


I tried to hide my tears

But her smile wouldn't disappear.


I saw right then, in that sickening smile.

How stupid I was.

How much I needed to get away.

How much I wanted to destroy her.


I would scream everything I knew to take her down.

Unlock every insecurity, cross my line.

I could do it.

I'd never done it before,

But I could do it.


A gasping breath, I pushed my hair back.


Then burst into more tears.


Because I couldn't make myself,

I couldn't cause her that much pain.

And she could do it to me, so consciously, so easily.


Its an inescapable hurt,

Loving someone more than they love you.

There's no cure.

Only you can free yourself,


And you never will.