I once loved you
A small POV from a 14 year old girl whose life is crap. Yes, it's short but all these words conveying emotions are what I'm going through at this time of my life. I just need to put it out there. Review, do whatever just let me get this out of my system. Lots of Love xx
You know what? I once thought I loved you. Thought I couldn't live without you – you know how it is. I've had enough of your anger, your eyeballs, the way you direct it all at me. I give up – give it your best shot. I am so sick of what you do to me and my sisters. I just don't care. I'm so used to being stuck in the cross fire, picking up the pieces. You make me feel that my life is no longer worth it. All my hopes, dreams, plans are now gone down to the dark path of hell. If I'm no use – do what you want to me but not to my sisters, never to them please. They have a bright future in front of them. They will go far and benefit from not having me around. For so long I looked after them and forever I will always look after them.
You cannot say to me I am a bad Christian. Yes I am guilty of mistakes but isn't everyone? I thrive for my faith. Everything I do, I think how I could worship God doing so. The only reason I don't talk to you about anything is because, well I hate you. I know hate is a strong word but I don't care. Get out of my life and I will get out of yours. So many times I have cried myself to sleep because of what you said. So many times I cry and you know, and you do nothing. I know you don't want me here and I am more than happy to go. The one and only reason I am still around? Sisters. That one word is all that is keeping me here. You might not realize but I do love them. Forever I will love them.
I once thought you were my knight in shining armour. Well guess what, I thought wrong, again. I am doing all I can, not to pay attention to you but to get on with my life. My mom passed away two months ago. It is still very fresh. I've got to be the strong one. As you keep saying, I am supposed to be the role model and as you keep saying Edwyna is better than me. Let me remind you she is four. She have no memories of home, but I do – of when I was 7. This is no longer my home. You are not my parents and I will never forgive you. Remember that – never. After I'm gone, I'm never coming back. At the age of seven I was told I was going on a long holiday without my mom and dad.
At the age of 14, I'm ready to check out. Get out of my life and I will remove myself from yours.
All my life all I have ever wanted to do is make people happy. If I make people smile then I've done my job, but you know what – you never smiled, never enjoyed me being near you, you were never proud of me. I had some real parents who did that, no matter what I did they were proud of me. Yes I no longer live with them, yes my mom is dead but no – do they stop believing in me. The reason I do my music? To get away from life, it's the reason I can get on with life. The reason I live on music? To get away from the world, just like how I wanna get away from you. You'll never understand what I am going through. I have been bullied since I was six. I got put into care at seven. My mom died at 14. My life was already crap and you, yes you are making it worse.
I remember once asking for your help, I remember being scared and I hid around you. Well that's all gone. Never forget, as long as I have breathe in my body I will hate you.
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU.
Won't you? Really? :)
Hope you liked. Thanks to Heyella for reading and helping me with some corrections. I love you guys!! God Bless xx