My Mother's Thumb of Death

My mother has the Thumb of Death
Please keep her away from the baby's breath
She's killed so many plants and flowers
A list of them could go on for hours

She's every botanist's nemesis
Cuz she puts plants out of existence
There is nothing green that she can't end
Gardening is so not her friend

We used to give her flowers for Mother's Day
But a swift death met each bouquet
So we tried a cactus, but she found a way
To kill that too, much to our dismay

Now shamrocks are a sturdy breed
She couldn't kill those, oh no, indeed
We're still perplexed about how exactly
One by one, they died, matter-of-factly

My mother is now the only mom
Who gets plastic flowers instead of real ones
But Lord knows we love her anyways
Even though she kills flowers, she's still great


A song I wrote for my mom for Mother's Day. A little early. And yes, it's true. My mom has a truly unfortunate streak when it comes to gardening. She's only heard the first three verses.

Have some Girl Scout Cookies! :)