A/N: Okayyy I'm sorry if I cuss a lot! But I'm still going to cuss a lot haha. This one is in a female point of view which is slightly unusual for me. Despite that I am a female. Well things in this are actually things in my life and is loosely based off of my life. It's more like a one shot that is helping me with current love life through fictional things. If it doesn't make sense well it makes sense to me haha. I would actually name my children Maine and Alaska which is where I got the names. This is really useless besides the first 4 sentences. Those 4 are important. Yeah according to the rules I'm supposed to spell out 4 but I don't want to. SPAZZZ . I'm watching Aladdin and it's been taking me forever to finish this because Tetris and Facebook are distracting me.
I always thought of him as the demon child. He could always find a way to piss me off beyond belief.
It's the way he would call me fat and heavy but then contradict himself by pushing my chair around with only one foot and how I couldn't even manage to hurt his foot by stomping on it because according to him that's how light I was. But then he'd just go right back and say how I wasn't really that skinny. Even at age 14 I wasn't insecure with myself because I'm smart enough to realize who I am and be happy with it. I don't and didn't think that I was fat and knew for a fact I wasn't but still no one likes being called fat.
When in English we would be in the sexism and gender stereotypes unit here he would call me ugly but touch me and tell me how the kid next to him would so do me.
He would poke me and jab my sides nonstop as he sat behind me and whisper my name.
I would tell him how I hate him and that I demoted him to not even friend status.
And he still wouldn't leave me alone.
Even when I would move my desk away from him he'd just shove the desk even closer up to the point he'd breathe down my neck. He would touch my hair and drag his finger down my back.
Stealing my belongings and telling me to shut up when I opened my mouth to say something was a common factor to my day contributed by him.
The one and only Maine Chesterfield ladies and gentlemen.
Of course I've expected him to like me but after while I've given up on that thought. Really I've just become to know that as how he acts with me because if you like someone for that long it'd make sense to tell them. And he may act stupid but he's surprisingly smarter than me and I obsess over my grades. Which pisses my off too because he can so easily get good grades and I try so hard to get the grades he gets. Bitch ass jerk.
The thing is though Maine isn't extraordinarily gorgeous or popular and doesn't sleep around. So as to why he's Maddie Freeman's date to our Senior Prom is beyond me.
Maddie is has long chestnut hair and hazel eyes, with huge boobs and an ass to go with. She's not oddly mean or nice she's just okay and she is kind of boring. But she's good in bed as I hear and is one of the hottest most popular girls. Maine is baseball captain and has way too many freckles. He's got a good body I have to admit, abs, masculine but not overly masculine arms and legs. Light brown eyes and dark dark muddy brown hair that barely passes his eyebrows. He's 6'2 and Maddie is 5'8
I'm Alaska Snively and my hair is medium length platinum blonde hair, natural of course, with an underlay and peek a boo lowlights of black. My eyes are green and I'm normal height of 5'7. My bra size is 34A and I have a pretty big ass. I'm not overly pretty, gorgeous or beautiful. I'm probably a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10 while Maddie is a 9 and Maine is about a 7 or 8. I'm fairly popular but rarely do I date and my social life sucks worse than a bi curious male virgin giving head.
And yeah that translates to my social life is awful, terrible and just really really shitty. But hey what can you do.
My date to Senior Prom is Weston Gillies the local druggie. And to me a major hottie. And please I don't have anything against drugs, sometimes the kids who do them are cool and some aren't. I don't really care but I won't be doing any of that shit any time soon. But God I would so do Weston.
Weston is 5"6 and has that shaggy musician hair and does the flippy thing. It's dark like vacant black and his eyes are green. He wears skinnies and random whatever shirts. He doesn't really care about how he looks he just looks that way. Weston is socially awkward. And when you talk to him he's awkward, and dorky but I think it's adorable. Have you ever heard and seen Chris Drew of Nevershoutnever! talk? Well he's like that. But less sure and confidant and more shy and legit "I don't know what to do or how to handle this situation" awkward. Weston is, in my eyes amazing.
"Chris if states loved another state what states do you think each state loves?" Brendan asks the blonde whose hair is such a mass of curlyness it pretty much covers his eyes and makes him look like like I don't know Goldie locks.
Chris theatrically stokes him chin, "Well Brendan," In a voice you'd hear for Jepardy, "I'd have to say the state of Maine would love Alaska with a deep fiery passion."
"Ding ding ding you are corrrrect sir!" Brendan yells into an imaginary microphone.
As you see they are dramatic and eccentric to say the least. I.E my best friends.
I roll my eyes, "Oh please children that's totally wrong. Maine and Georgia or Carolina or something is far more likely and plausible." I stuff my white bread, lettuce, Nutella, peanut butter sandwich in my mouth. Chris thinks I need more greens.
In some way Chris and Brendan double as my best best friends and parents. I mean I have parents but they don't exactly guide me. They're annoying and repeat the basic things , "don't get pregnant, eat your vegetables, take your vitamins, get good grades and how was school?" but even if they say it they don't exactly enforce it. Unless I do get pregnant then that's a whole new story. I think Chris and Brendan would freak out worse and like kick some ass. Yikes I don't even wanna imagine it.
Maine is one of Brendan's good friends but Brendan never really said anything about Maine revealing his "deep passionate love". Probably because it's nonexistent.
Brendan has quite a few good friends but it's weird. They don't tell each other everything like us three but I guess they're like brothers and trust each other. I guess.
Chris don't really open up much but he's extremely friendly and has a lot of friends. It used to make me jealous and worry of losing him but now I'm assured I have to reason to worry. The history between us both is extensive and complex but I'd save that story for another day.
"Al sweet cheeks have you seen the way he looks at you?" Chris throws in.
"Oh the glowing green eyes of envy as he sees you with Westonnn." Brendan cooes. Moments like these make me question their sexuality.
"Damn he wants in your pants. He undresses you with his eyes. Trust us Brendan does it all the time to girls." Things like that makes me know they're straight.
"I do. I'd love me some Anya Campos that girl-"
"Okay Brendan we've been through this. No more detail please. Yeah they also tell me when they get boners and talk to me as they jack off. And other things. I've once gotten a phone call as Chris was having sex. He also called me when he heard his parents having sex in ninth grade and made me come over to hear. It was a moment like when you eat something and automatically say "this is nasty! Here try it!" but instead it was "this is nasty! You have to hear!".
"Okay well anyway he loves you."
"Oh right he's head over heels in love with you."
"Yep there's a difference." Chris holds a finger up and lifts en eyebrow. Weirdo.
"A huge one." They both concur.
"That's what she said." Brendan yells loudly.
"You just have to say it," I shake my head, "But no he doesn't. And I am a hopeless romantic you both know that. I'd love it for some guy to be hopelessly in love with me for years and we'd live happily ever after. Bitch please that guy is not Maine Chesterfield."
"Bitch please!" Chris sasses making his diva sassy black girl motions and purses his lips together.
I don't have many female friends. Even though I am feminine I just don't like most of the female species. They are too dramatic and whiney, uninteresting and overreact. Not all but many at my school. I like how with guys I can say anything and they won't get mad at me or start rumors or call me a bitch behind my back. They would call me a bitch to my face and I like that. I love honesty. And I like things to be chill and calmer. Yeah I do have girl friends but only a few I trust and really like talking to. The rest are just friends not friend friends.
"Alaska!" It's that husky voice booming down the hallway. It sounds like it's bounding down the hallway fishing through the sea of people. It sounds like Maine.
"Yes?" I try to be somewhat pleasant.
"We need to talk." He looks at me in a silly way like I did something and grabs my hand keeping it between his large calloused rough baseball player hands.
"Are you pregnant? I told you to use protection."
"Oh darn," He rolls his eyes and laughs, "Well there's that and something else."
"And what might that be?"
Ding Ding Ding Ding
There goes the warning bell it's a rapid quick rhythm of quarter, eighth, quarter. Unlike other schools or so I hear we have a warning bell and then five minutes later there is the real bell. It's pretty helpful.
"How 'bout I tell you in class." Maine decides.
Together we walk to class and I'm not sure why but Maine is holding my hand.
"Chesterfield why are you holding my hand?" I inquire with sass.
"Well here's a question why shouldn't I?"
"Because you aren't my boyfriend, you aren't my date and we aren't romantically involved."
"Who says you have to be romantically involved? You can hold the hands of your female friends. And you hold the hand of guys you talk to if you're sitting down."
Damn he has a point.
"Yep see. So just let me hold your hand. " I don't question it further and I just have that what the fuck face on as he walks me down the hallway.
Things like this aren't exactly new for Maine. I'm not sure if it's unusal for him to do to other people but it's normal for him to do with me. But knowing Maine I feel like they way he acts shouldn't make me feel special.
"Alaskaaaa." Maine whispers into my ear more than half way into class.
I don't answer for lack of interest. It'll probably be something stupid like "Hi".
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?" I whisper yell.
"Alaska and Maine!" The teacher scolds.
"Sorry he just-"
"Just stop talking please." The teacher says and returns to the lesson.
I let out an exasperated sigh and hold in my urge to punch Maine.
I whip my head back to face Maine and he smiles a cocky accomplished smile as he holds out a folded up note.
I close my eyes for a brief moment then snatch the note.
Are you dating Weston?
Why does he want to know?
He's my date to prom and if you want to turn it into a verb then I would be dating him
I hand it back.
He scribbles some.
He drops it down my shoulder and I catch it.
Smart ass. I don't think you should
I roll my eyes.
Well he's my date. Deal with it
I toss it back.
I don't ever look at his expression when he reads what I wrote but I wonder what he looks like. I expect some silly expression but at a time like this I think of him being angry and serious. Which is abnormal.
The pattern continues like so.
I don't want to deal with it. I don't like him for you
No one said you had to like him for me
Damn it Alaska why are you going with him?
I like him. He likes me, he asked me
You like him?
I don't need to explain myself to you
But you are. Do you like him?
Kind of. I love him as a person and a friend anything more than a friend I just like. He's never been more than a friend
Don't go with him to prom
The bell rings and I take the note with me.
If only the bell didn't ring. But I'm not sure if I'd write it down. How would Alaska take it?
"Alaska I don't want you to go with him because seeing you with him will kill me?"
Yeah like that will work. Weston isn't a bad guy. He's nice and chill and pretty killer. But it makes no difference to how I feel about him with Alaska.
At some point I loved Alaska so much that it hurt. It was when I first met her in 8th grade and actually I didn't talk to her at first. I barely noticed her I only thought that she was a pretty little thing that at the time I was only slightly taller than, she was the girl who Ryan was close with and Bradley was in love with her. He still is. Then Quinton became close friends with her half way through the year and I was the one who pissed her off and annoyed her. If me and her were close or even friends then it'd be a tight circle we'd have. But no I was an immature jerk. A total douche. I resented Bradley because he and I were both in love with her but he didn't know. Only I knew. No matter how close we all were I never told any of them about it. It was just weird to talk about it.
Then after a while I just got over it and even if I don't love her I don't want to see her with someone else. And I know how weak is that, that we never even dated and I never even told her but there's just something about Alaska. Telling her would be like a death sentence to your heart. You imagine her to reject you harshly and to be bitchy or something. She's rejected Bradley countless times in various ways, mean and nice. She's a heartbreak but she doesn't know it because she discourages guys from revealing their feelings because she's so confident. Damn I sound cheesy but hey if it's true and it's cheesy then just too damn bad.
I only want to stop her from going with Weston in attempt to save myself from pain. Chances are that I'll just end up causing her pain but I've gone through enough seeing her with all the guys she's around.
Why does Maine have to be such a mystery? For all the years I've known him I've ever been able to figure him out. Never. At all. And I thought I was a fucking nutcase to figure out but damn he makes everything so complicated. He's so complicated. There has always been this thing with him whenever he saw me. I'd walk by and just automatically he's stare and give me this creepy smile. At least to others because they never understood it. The smile, well his normal smile is amazing I'll admit it wholeheartedly. His dimples, the perfect white teeth he has acquired from braces, and his freckles and somewhat innocence. The smile isn't something like his usual radiant one. It's a smile Maine gives me when he tries to look serious and to not reveal anything to me, and his lips are in a tight line but you see his teeth and a slight smirk, Maine is trying to hold back a smile, a laugh. To me it looks like he's hiding his feelings, some days the feelings shine through and others I can't tell, I usually laugh or raise an eyebrow and have a face that clearly says "ummm..?".
I can only question Maine Chesterfield.
So why does he not want me to go to Prom with Weston?
"Brendan whyyyyyyy do I always have to be so confused about Maine? I know more about the male species than like 90 percent of our population, so why does Maine have to be so…UGH!?" I whine into the phone falling into my bed.
"Look Laska, it's just that Maine doesn't open up, I've known him for a bit longer then you have and he's been my good friend. He just doesn't express stuff. And it's not like Chris either, he just doesn't open up."
"Ughhhhhalsdalskjdasasdlwpo, I don't want him to open up, I just want him to be less confusing." I groan.
"Why don't you tell him that." Brendan states.
"It's not like he'd give me a straightforward serious answer. It took him like three years to grow up around me."
"Maybe you can just forget about him. Stop trying to figure him out."
"I can't help it! God maybe I will just try and ignore him." I sucks how I can't say it out loud but seeing Maine and talking to him makes my day. He has made my day for years almost every day of school.
As me and Weston walk into Prom we walk and I immediately see Pechta ,Callie and Robyn and I tell Weston I'll be back.
"Oh my god Alaska! You look stunning!" Robyn yells out and hugs me. My dress is a vibrant red dress that's ribbed and hugs my curves. A slinky dress so to speak that I'll be sure to get comments on from Chris, Brendan, Joe, Brian and sigh, Maine.
My silver strappy heels click as I walk after the chit chat with Pech, Cal and Rob is done. We'll probably spazz out later and spill all details once the night is done.
"Alaska!" Joe yells and wraps me up in a hug, picking me off the ground. Maine and Brendan are there behind Joe.
"Joe!" I laugh.
I'm released and Brendan just smiles and hugs me.
He knows how much I hate that the year is ending soon and how much it's killing me.
"Alaska, too revealing darling, you might get raped." Maine jokes. He just stands there with his hands in his pockets. Not looking to awkward or too comfortable.
"Thanks Maine." I take it as a compliment. Like me and Brendan say, "you're pretty enough to get raped".
I never really hugged Maine before only a few times so this one time I go for a hug. He gives in with a shrug of his shoulders and tightly wraps his arms around my waist and my arms go around his neck. I have to stretch to the tips of my toes with the help of my heels.
"Maine, Maddie is looking for you." Charley says as he passes by. Oh Charley he really knows how to look out for people. Maddie would flip if she saw Maine hugging anyone. She flips out a lot.
All Maine does is nod and doesn't seem to be letting go.
"Alaska," He says.
"Yeah?" I look up at him and I remember why I liked him before. It's the way that Maine just is. He pretends to be stupid but shows off, he's immature but it's cute, he's a jerk but his smile makes up for it and his freckles and dimples make me melt. I wish something would happen, something that tells me that I'm not crazy for liking him. Something to tell me that I'm not just imagining that he likes me back.
"I- can we talk? Later though. I guess I need to go and see Maddie."
"Sure." I let go and I wave to them as I go find Weston.
Weston dear amazing Weston, I wish that me and him would just be perfect. But honestly I can't imagine why he'd like me or anything. Weston and Alaska. Such a weird combination. I just wish that it would work out and that it wouldn't be so messed up. And that this wouldn't be some sort of delusion. Everything with Maine I'm just not sure of and I can't believe. Because he just has to be so damn confusing and so damn complicated.
I've never had a good long fulfilling relationship. I dated Brian Sullivan and he's good friends with Charley, Maine, Chris, Brendan, Quinton and Bradley and people of the sort. Him and I made out a lot in front them too. I guess I never realized that IF Maine liked he then he'd be jealous or pissed or something. Sometimes it seemed like it but other times it was like he couldn't give a damn. Bradley, well he's another story. I wish I could be in love with him like he is with me. I REALLY wish so because I know that he'd do anything to make me happy and that I'd be really really happy. It's just that I never liked him in that way and even if I tried to it just wasn't right. Besides Brian though I haven't' had a long relationship. I'm too much of a romantic for the cosmos to actually help my dreams come true. In a way I'm like Becca from Vanity Fair, you know, how when after he husband leaves her.
In my earlier years I've spent quite the amount of time trying to get Maine jealous. As far as I know it hasn't worked. And it's sad, how hard I've tried and the extent I've gone. Then when I stopped liking him and moved onto liking a new guy I guess things were semi better between me and Maine. I didn't care to impress him and things were easier between us. For me at least. But now UGH.
"Mmm?" I mumble as my lips are slowly parting from Weston's. Weston tastes like weed, blueberries and something that I just can't pinpoint. If only I'd continue to think about Weston after our lips broke apart rather than him.
"Mind if I interrupt your horny time to speak you?" Chris sasses.
"Fine fine." I mumble, my lips are still attached to Wes.
"I'll be back." I call out to Weston.
"Alaska…" I feel some kind of lecture to come from Chris.
"God." I shake my head.
"I just ugh damn it Lask! Just ugh!" Rarely is Chris mad but this time he seems frustrated. Sexually frustrated! Haha just kidding.
"Ughhhhh! Okay you know what, just go talk to Maine."
I shrug and walk off to find Maine. Too bad that I did find him. He's making out with Maddie. God. This is shitty. My heart dropped like the first and last time I got on a roller coaster. But instead of hating Maddie I just feel jealous. Jealousy is terrible.
What a bitch I am. But then again Maine never liked me. He's never fallen for me. Great.
"Ahem uhhhh Maine?" I call out to him.
He slowly pulls away and shakes his head looking for me. He knows me voice. Everyone knows my voice.
"Maine you fucktard!" I yell.
His head snaps this way and he hurries over here.
"So?" I say.
"So what?" He seems confused. Serves that bastard right.
"You know what! What did you want to talk about?" I bitch at him.
Okay yeah I'm not being too pleasant with him but Maine is used to me being unpleasant.
"Um…" he scratches the back of his head.
"Look Maine, I don't have time for this. I just want to know."
All Maine does is stare at me and damn how I want to kiss him. But this isn't a Taylor Swift moment or a 10 Things I Hate About you movie scene. I can't go around kissing people and people won't just go around kissing me. We aren't going to go to some secluded romantic spot. And I can't expect it to happen.
"Uh look Alaska. Can was go in the hallway? Too much shouting."
We walk together out to the hall and as people say hi and things I smile and wave and I'm warm and nice to them. I can't help but be mean and cold to Maine.
We both stand there and don't talk. I break the silence.
"So? What the fuck now Maine!"
"Alaska why are you freaking out? What happened?"
"What are you talking about?" I try and deny it.
"God Alaska! Before we tried to be pleasant with each other but now you practically have the look that you want to release all Hell on me! I know you're not normally like this. You're only like this with me! And damn it I'll take it any day. Alaska I love talking to you. I love those pleasant moments where we can smile and talk like friends but soon enough that moment is gone and either I piss you off or you just say something bitchy. But it's worth it for that brief good moment." He sighs and lets out a deep breath. Obviously not finished but wanting to see my reaction.
I never knew this and why is he telling me now?
Maine grabs my hand and holds it as he continues to talk. "I just-ugh I just hate you with Weston because…because well hell I'm jealous. I'm so damn jealous. I'm jealous all the time when you're talking to any guy, like Ryan or Quinton. Hell sometimes even Bradley Especially when he flirts with you and when he talks about you. Damn it Alaska. I hate how you treat everyone so much better than me. With all the shit I take I think I more than deserve to have the amazing side of you. I remember when you told me once "if you can't deal with me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best" and Alaska, I deal with you at your worst a lot. Maybe not like Chris or Brendan but you treat me by far the worst. I want to be treated the best. I don't want High School to end with us like this. I want to be close and I want to be with you."
At this point I'm crying. I don't know why and rarely do I cry. But you see I'm not sure if it's from happiness or sadness. I'm not used to Maine opening up like this. I'm not used to him opening up at all.
Maine takes me in his arms and he just holds me. Close and dear and compassionately. But I'm not sure, when he say be with me does he mean?
"Alaska sweetheart," He whispers, " I want to be your best friend and I want to be close to you."
And there's my answer, he wants friendship and it crushes me a lot more than it should. But I get it. We can't be together and we shouldn't. I've wasted those feelings on Maine and I wish it never happened but well it did. And I have to accept it and get over it.
We both walk back hand in hand and like I expect nothing happened. At least nothing like in the movies. I hug Maine and run into Weston's arms and we kiss and kiss and kiss.
After Prom I'm still dating Weston and Maine isn't dating Maddie. Much to her despise. Having Weston just makes me happy because for once I feel like my feelings are being returned. It feels amazing.
Inside my locker I find a note on the top shelf. It's from Brendan. Chris doesn't bother to remember my combo but he has it and Brendan likes to leave notes or something for me.
So? What did you say?- B
I said a lot- M
I told her everything. Except something- M
FUCKING SERIOUSLY? WHY OH WHY didn't you say that?- B
Of course you know what im talking about. Look I just cant- M
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T? youre such a fool at times. Not telling her is way worse- B
MAYBEEE?? It's not like it'd change anything from before. She treated you like shit before and if she said she doesn't like you then what's worse? That she'd treat you like shit still?- B
You have a point-M
Of course I do. Tell her you love her-B
I can't- M
WHY NOT?- B
I screwed up. She's with Weston. If anything I should've told her when I first started to fall for her-M
You should have fucktard-B
What do you think she'd do if I told her?- M
She'd freak out and avoid you and spend her time with wes and on the inside be dying to be with you-B
Then I can't tell her- M
Because I'll tell her but I can't when she has Weston it'd be fucked up-M
I sigh and close my eyes. I close my locker and I walk away. My heart is beating fast and I shake my head. I can't turn back now.
I don't go and find him. I don't run into his arms or yell at him and we don't have a magical moment and kiss. We don't connect and don't reveal out true feelings. It's just me and him in love with each other. We stay like this. I now knowing how he feels and how I feel. And I let it be.