The life and times of Charity Windsor-Cottenburgh-Flack

By Free the Dancing Llamas


Detention is the most fun a girl can have without setting the room on fire

To say that I was bored would be an understatement in the least.

I wasn't bored. I was absolutely and utterly out of my head. That was how beyond bored I was.

I had counted all the bricks in the room, and then counted them again, got someone else to count them to compare my results. And then after I was sure that I counted the correct number of bricks in the room I went through my whole entire pencil case and came up with a plan of how to use them to escape the hell hole I was trapped in. Then I arranged the contents of my pocket in order of size, colour and shape. I filed my nails into perfect shape. Bit them and then filed them again. I drew a plan of my Utopia on the desk, and then recreated it using the contents of both my pencil case and pocket and my neighbour's pencil case. Then I took out little pieces of it until it collapsed. I counted the wrinkles on the teacher's face, divided them by her age and then tried to estimate when I'd get wrinkles. At this point I took out a mirror and checked for any wrinkles, pimples, grey hairs, white hairs or moles. I obsessed about that for about a good ten minutes. I tried to burn a hole in the desk by using the light filtering in from the window and a mirror. I then realised that I'd need a magnifying glass of some sort. I then spent five minutes exercising my eye muscles by trying to look at my nose.

When I was five minutes in on trying to lick my elbow, (because Matilda Peterson once told me its impossible for a person to lick their elbow), Christiana Belucci came up to me and asked if I wanted some crack. At which point I told her no. She shrugged and stumbled back to her desk. Or at least I'm sure she would have if she hadn't passed out and collapsed on the floor.

I was in the middle of making puppets out of my school jumper, a thread from my pencil case and a hairpin when it happened. The most gorgeous boy I had ever laid eyes on (In real life. I think we have to exclude celebrities and sculptures from this list) fell onto my lap.

Alright, so he didn't fall, per say, he was pushed onto my lap. But it didn't stop me from thanking that(those) supernatural ultimate being(s) above for this sudden good luck. You see, I seemed to be some sort of guy-repellent. They just didn't come to me. I had no clue why, I thought I was pretty hot.

The guy weighed a tonne and he looked to be a good two heads taller than me. Of course this was all guess work, he was sitting on top of me at that very moment so it was kind of difficult to tell. He was like an Adonis (Oh, kill the cliche). All muscled, structured, nice smelling and hunky. From what I could tell he had a nice butt too.

"Well, hello." I smiled, possibly in my sleaziest voice yet. (Yep, no clue why guys just didn't flock to me) It wasn't meant to come out sleazy, neither was the eye brow wiggling but looking back on it I guess it did kind of seem pervy.

"Um." He gulped, running a hand through his gorgeous dark hair, possibly freaked out by my eyes which were devouring his attractive face, "Sorry."

"Why?" I asked, picking a piece of fluff off of his sweater, "I'm not." Suddenly the school bell went off and I pushed him out of my lap and left the detention hall, saluting Ms Gebardosi as I left the room.

"Bye Geebee," I sang, she turned away from the white board and saluted in return, at which point she promptly went back to drawing pictures of penises on the whiteboard. I popped my head back into the door turning to get one last glance of the hottie. I caught him staring at the door, and scratching his head in confusion. He looked up meeting my eyes, a small smile playing on his lips. I wondered what he was so happy about. I looked at his perfect features and wondered why I hadn't noticed him before. He had to have been a new student.

"See ya Mister Hottie." I winked, slipping back out of the detention room and heading down the hall to my locker.

Detention; the best way to meet new people I always thought. I was in there more than I was in class. Always because of the pranks. I didn't necessarily do them, but I figured it was better to own up to something I didn't do than go to a boring class of maths. Life was more fun that way. Besides I didn't have parents to tell me off, just one very persistent and maternal roommate.

Ah school, it's the best years of your life. Don't waste it, kids, don't waste it.

A/N: I shouldn't be doing this....but I couldn't resist. DON'T HURT ME...just review...(You know you've been wanting to, ever since you saw the title.)