So, I thought I'd get some things off my chest. You know, clearance, closure. Whatever the hell you want to call it.
To start things off, I'd like to say that I hate you. Well, I wish that I could hate you. You made my life miserable. With your plastic smile, fake laugh. You expected me to be another you. Well, guess what, Mother Dearest, I'M NOT! Of course, even an idiot like you would have figured that out by now.
I don't want anything to do with you. Whenever you're around, I feel like I'm drowning, suffocating. I'd go as far as to say dying. And I'm not putting on "theatrics" as you so stupidly called them. I swear, I could scream bloody murder and you'd keep right on drinking. Or fucking your dumbass boyfriend.
You're not a good mother. I can hear you now. "Carly, darling, don't talk about your mother that way. You know that I love you." But actually, I don't know that. You've barely spoken a word to me in forever. Just that standard, "how's it going kid? Nice. I'm going out. Don't expect me home." What kind of a person does that?
Yeah, okay. I'll admit, that, at first, I liked you gone. What sixteen-year-old wouldn't? I got the run of the house, a lot of freedom. It was nice. Then it started getting smelly, dirty, COLD! There was no food left. It wasn't so fun anymore. And you didn't seem to care. After all, I'm just your daughter, no one important.
You know what I think bugs me the most? That I'm not a human being in your eyes. I'm a trophy. I'm your smart, little, well-behaved baby girl! Fuck that! I'm done being your play thing, Mother! I will be my own person! I don't need your staged 'praises' and 'cuddles'. I don't need your boyfriend drama. I don't need to smell the liquor on your breath. I don't need any of your shit.
So there you have it, Mom. I think that you are despicable human being. I think that you should be shot. Yeah. I know it's horrible to think things like that. Especially against another human being, and it's not like me at all. But you make me so ANGRY! So FRUSTRATED! You make me hate the world. And I want to see beauty not your ugly. So I won't. I'll leave you in my past. Completely behind me now. That's it. The end. Goodbye! I wish you the best of luck! Don't ever try to contact me again.
But, before I end this letter, you need to know what I can't stand the most about you (besides you yourself. Besides the fact that you make me feel weak and worthless). What I hate the most is that I can't bring myself to completely hate you. Somehow, deep, deep down, under hurt, anger, even fear, weakness, some part of me still wants to love you. Some part of me still wants you to love me. But it can't happen. You were never meant to be a mother, so don't pretend. Just don't.
Do me a favor and forget about me. Because I'm going to forget you.
© Double I 4 My Guyz