Please Read:
Hey, first off thank you for reading my story. This is my first story that I am "putting out there" so plenty of comments and suggestions would be awesome. The reason why everything is in italics is because it is a memory, the rest of the chapters the font will me normal. I've been a member of FanFiction for a while and this site for a couple days and I have always found such good writers on both these sites, so I wanted to give it a try. I hope you like this story, if you have any questions or are confused on anything I write please comment and I will try to answer as best I can. Okay, well now I'm rambling but thanks again for reading.

We were outside at the back of the school, smoking cigarettes because we were so cool back then. But little did we know, just the fact that we were freshman automatically made us lame. We were the low girls on the totem poll, if you will, little freshmen was all we were but at the time, in our minds we were the shit because we were breaking the rules.

The smoke was rising slowly upwards then dissipating into the sky, the end of our cigarettes flaring up into angry embers every time we took another drag. The sun was hot that day, but we were protected by the shade we were in; there was a slight breeze, it was actually pleasant for May. I inhaled again, the cigarette still burned the back of my throat-I wasn't even used to it yet. I remember being nervous, 'What if we get caught?' 'Can I run fast enough?' 'Will she stay with me?' The cigarette was already half-way done, and my head felt light, ah...those were the days, when I still got buzzed from smoking. My hands had that slight shake to them from the nicotine coursing through my veins, my mouth was coated with the taste of tar, but hey, I didn't care. I spit, aiding with the taste that was assaulting my mouth. I heard her clear her throat and I heard her spit like I did. She was acting weird, a little jumpy maybe but I brushed it off to be nothing.

Though in the back of my mind I knew it was something, the way her eyes darted to me then away and how she was flicking her cigarette ever three damn seconds. I could even tell in her voice something was up, she was usually a louder person, with confidence spewing from every statement she uttered but not that afternoon. Her voice was soft, I could tell she was thinking immensely about everything that she said, maybe everything was rehearsed, who knows? She was too good to tell. She threw down her cigarette, damn she smoked fast, she always has. It smoked on the ground for a second before she crushed it underneath her sole. I'll always remember the look in her eyes when she spoke to me,

"Cloie?" she said to make sure I heard.

I made a 'Yah?' sound in my throat.

"I've been kind of bugging out lately" she laughed, but only with a slight humor.

At the time I didn't know how to respond so I just nodded. The look in her eyes: the fire, the confidence but also the uncertainty and the weariness-it unnerved me. The look was something I had never seen before but now I can never forget.

I remember concentrating on my cigarette a lot so I wouldn't have to look into her eyes. It was like I wasn't ready to see the feelings, everyone can feel a feeling obviously, but it is totally different when you see a feeling. The way those feelings are right behind her eyes, they way those eyes could say everything without her speaking a single syllable.

Like it was only yesterday, I remember hearing her push of the wall, the sound of her sneakers scuffing on the poorly paved walkway. She stood in front of me, closer than usual even for her, even though we had known each other since first grade. I can remember how it made me feel, a tad uncomfortable even though it was Jill for Christ sake. The way she was standing should of tipped me off, ha, everything she was doing should of tipped me off but back then I was too naive or too self-absorbed to notice. I had my own thoughts and that was all that mattered right? The way every fourteen going on fifteen year old thought, 'Fuck you, I'm the only one that matters, I know everything about everything...I'm invincible!' But I wasn't, I never was and never will be. Especially when it came to her.

I shake my head at myself when I think back to this moment, how could I have not seen this coming?! It was blatantly obvious. I took my last drag, I could feel the extra heat fly into my throat from the ember being so close to the filter, I felt the extra burn in my chest. But as I looked back I wonder if it was the cigarette that made my chest burn or if it was my heart that was beating a million miles an hour. I dropped my cig and pressed it into the ground with my shoe, still unable or unwilling to look up into her eyes. I had no idea what was going on. Damnit I was so oblivious.

I flipped my hair out of my eyes, a nervous habit I'm sure she noticed. My black, I guess 'skater' hair hung around my face, stopped just above base of my neck and my bangs swooped to the side. I looked up and I was sucked into her gaze, I wasn't able to look anywhere else, she had captured me. She leaned closer to me, I remember that even though I didn't think it was possible my heart started to beat faster my mind went into overdrive. She came closer to me in slow motion, her brown hair slightly falling over her shoulders, she gently moved her bangs to the side. Her bright blue eyes were so intense, I looked at her freckles that decorated her nose and cheeks, although they were so faint you would only be able to see them if you already knew they were there. The part in my brain that separated the rational things and the things that were fictional in life started to short out.

She dropped her gaze, luckily, because I was pretty sure I was about to shrivel beneath it. Still to this day I cannot recall how much time elapsed from her finishing her cigarette to the point were I was now. I am guessing it was about a minute maybe forty-five seconds but in the moment and for a good time after I could of swore it had lasted for ten times that.

She looked back up at me and she bit her bottom lip. This action was something I had never seen her do before this moment or after this moment for that matter. It confused me even more and believe me, I was already really flustered. This action also brought my attention to her lips. I remember thinking how perfect they looked; they were pink, had a nice shape to them, they weren't too full or to thin, she was wearing lip gloss (which was another thing that should of smacked me in the head and said 'get with the program!') and they fit her face perfectly. Then she put her hand on my side, it made my insides jump and I felt my ears turn beat red instantly. The next seconds seemed to pass in slow motion again and with my current state of mind I couldn't figure out what she was doing until it happened.

She leaned forward and the fire in her eyes ragged even bigger, even hotter. I moved my head back instinctually but she didn't stop her advance. My head was pressed against the wall and I could feel her breath wisp across my skin making goose bumps form on my arms and the back of my neck.

She pushed her lips to mine. I gasped with the shock of what just happened but she didn't back away. At the time I didn't appreciate it but when I thought back, her scent was intoxicating. She had on this vanilla sugar perfume and it swirled around me and into my nose, planting it's smell into my brain so even to this day when I smell that type of perfume I can't help but think of her kissing me. I felt her breath in my mouth, my lips were already parted from my cliché jaw drop. Again, I'm ashamed of myself that it took me so long to catch up with the situation but after what seemed like an agonizingly long time I kissed her back.

I relaxed my posture and slowly closed my eyes. I moved my lips against hers and I clearly remember feeling her smile form underneath my lips as we continued to kiss. But I also remember being so conflicted. 'Jill is my friend...You've always loved her...I know, but in this way?...In all ways...This is wrong...Is it?...Should I do this?...God her lips taste good' The kiss got serious kind of fast, I felt her suck on my bottom lip and it sent a chill down my spine and I pressed firmer onto her lips. She cradled the side of my neck, holding me to her, not that I was going anywhere. I regret this a little when I think back, we should of went slower our first kiss should of been sweet. But then at other times it seems like it was perfect, Jill isn't the slow and sweet kind of girl and neither am I.

The feelings I always, in the back of my head, knew I had came erupting to the surface. The kiss was so urgent, it was hungry and it was the best thing I had ever felt at this point. Little did I know the other amazing things she would make me feel, not only with my body but emotionally.

This wasn't my first time being kissed but sometimes I wished it had. There was a boy that I liked in seventh grade (before I came to terms with being gay) and we had kissed but it was nothing compared to this. I remember feeling her lightly touch her tongue to my lip, asking for entrance. I hesitated, but parted my lips more and our tongues started to dance and float together. I could taste the cigarette she just smoked, I don't know why but it made it better. It seemed like I knew the rhythm already and what she was going to do before she did it. Then the battle started, she wrestled for control and she already had the element of surprise on her side. But I didn't give up that easy, I grabbed the back of her head and pulled her roughly against the already heated kiss.

We were at a stalemate, both of us too stubborn to surrender to the other. I don't even recall if there was a winner or not. Our breathing had become short and choppy but neither of us was willing to back away. The kiss lasted for...I still don't know how long but when we finally parted we both were gasping for air and my heart was racing.

We stared at each other for a moment before she said something,

"So, I think we should make that a regular thing" she said, with the confidence back in her voice.

"Are you, uh, asking me out?" I said my head still spinning from the kiss.

After almost eight years of being strictly friends, I was unsure how a relationship would go and I knew how we both were, stubborn and hot-headed at times. But I knew I had always had feelings for her, more than just being her friend. I couldn't turn her down.

"Yah" she said.

"Uh, okay"

"Is that a confused okay or an okay to my question?"

"To your question" I said quickly.

She beamed at me and pecked me on the lips, "Good"