Carson

Horrific is what this night has been to me, How can I feel anger for someone I love with almost ninety percent of my heart. I cannot give him the other ten percent; it will make me feel like he is a dictator. WE are going back to New York in the morning. Passing the police station, I get a shiver going up my spine. Where is the climax in this horror story? I look to Lucy and she cannot stand my face Monica gives me sympathy in the rearview mirror. Silence, I wish it were more of an awkward silences that hatred. We stop to a rest stop. Thomas had to use the bathroom. Monica followed to let Lucy and I have some sisterly bonding. She could be going to do a quickie, but I rather not know. "Are you seriously angry?" The silence is killing me.

"I'm not angry, more of sad. I look at different scenarios and this could have reiterated. I'm sorry this happen to you." Sniffles and sobs make her in distress. "I'm supposed to look out for you and I can't seem to bring the right people around you. The most depressing thing about this situation is your inner gut was telling me that danger was close and I dismissed it completely." Lucy falls into her lap. Soaking her leg I consul her. I grab her face and stop a few tears. She knows it is not her fault. My intentions were not to make this conversation seem like she was the culprit. Monica and Thomas return. Placing finger hearts on the window to show there sympathy. We make it home; Thomas and Monica are sleeping over. I would not send them home at two in the morning, especially in New York. I check the mail and of course, we have bills, contest, and coupons, but underneath all that, non-important stuff is a letter from the courts. Jake requested for a speedy trail. I am not required to attend but I want to see his punishment. His trail begins in two days. When everyone is asleep, I nudge Monica with my feet. She grunts.

"Monica, I got a letter today from the courts." She immediately jumps up with her eyes half close. She looks in my direction. She should not speak, especially the way she has been sleeping. I place my finger on her lips before she can make a verbal response. "I want to go, but I don't want this repeated to Lucy. She had a huge breakdown this morning and I do not want to rehash that. I think this is what I need to be healthy, some closure." She approbates my decision. Monica is who I need to end this horrid expedition. She's understanding and very frank on subjects. I hope that during this trail she can be the same when he gives his testimony.

Is my life going to be at ease now that there is justice? I do not think so because regretfully I think I still love him. I know that a little effed up but it is true. When I look at him I do not see a criminal, I see a man that learns from his own experiences. A man with affection for people but is scared they will not return the same emotion. Jake is not a bad person, just a scared man at points in time. Darn it, I know what I have to do now; it is of matters of the heart! I sleep with this thought and as a plan converts in my head, I feel exhilarated. I need him to know how I feel about him!