This is my piece for the June "Writing Challenge Contest." ^^
Prompt: "In the beginning there was nothing and God said, 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing, but everybody could see it." - Dave Thomas.
I wish I couldn't see.
The brightly lit hallway causes my eyes to smart, but I can't look away. I'm unaware of who I'm walking past because I'm completely focused on you.
My statement isn't entirely true. I just don't want to see this again, not today. I'm not strong enough anymore, and I can't take it...
I wish that I could forget what you caused me to feel.
It's there, that stinging reminder that I'm not quite good enough for you. Rejection, I could deal with, but being played, so many times-it just makes me bitter.
Every time I see her, with you, a fresh wave of pain settles between my ribs. It almost hurts to breathe, like I'm choking nothing but air. My heart constricts and relaxes impatiently, irregularly; and it feels like it's ripping itself into pieces...
Is this what a broken heart feels like? I can't imagine anything feeling worse than this.
Why couldn't I have been born deaf?
She's laughing at something you've said, and it rings above the dim murmur of the crowd. Her hands slide up your chest, as she smirks and whispers something into your ear. I can hear your strained chuckle; I know that sound too well. My eyes are glued to her, wrapping her arms around your waist and giggling suggestively...
Oh, God... Did you know what you were doing on that day when you created light? Could you have guessed that my perception of the world would eventually tear me apart? Did you know that beforehand, God? Because if you did, that's the sickest joke I've heard in a long time...
I look away, my heart splintering, until it feels like nothing except crushed fragments. Unconsciously, my eyes flicker back to you again, despite the pain that I know it'll bring.
I just cannot help myself...
Your eyes catch and hold mine, for the briefest of seconds. My dismantled heart somehow manages to skip a beat, and I'm speechless again. I'm afraid of holding your attention for too long... I don't want you to see what I see, feel what I feel. I don't want you to catch a glimpse of my suffering, even though you're the reason why it's there.
I want you to be happy.
That's all I've ever wanted, really. It just breaks me apart when I know that I'm not the one you'll be content with.
Something shifts inside you when your eyes make contact with mine. It's almost imperceptible, but I know you well enough to spot it. Your blank stare frightens me a bit, and then a concealed emotion is there, one I have to unearth before it's gone.
It's a mixture of things, I decide. A bit of frustration, maybe? Amusement, from her, and... sadness from what you saw in me?
Am I imagining things? I wonder as I avert my gaze and glide past you, silent as a ghost. You...You can't have been sad because of what you saw. Sadness equals pity, which means that you feel some sort of compassion towards me...
My heart swells with a sense of hope, and my mind screams at me to shut it down, before it can infiltrate my system again. I can't... I can't do this anymore! I have to stop feeling this way about you. I only wish that I could will it to stop; my life would be so much simpler.
Yet, my heart continues to beat, detached and bleeding. It struggles to comprehend why it can't continue on loving you...
A tear escapes, and it slides down my cheek, caressing it. Tomorrow, I will be refined; I will be confident and happy enough. But today, I'll let my true emotions show, as I try tuck myself away from your view...
There is nothing that remains of me, nothing in this fragile heart or broken soul. Nothing at all; nothing except a broken promise and an empty shell of myself.
Why does nobody need to see it in this brightly lit space?
Hey, everyone. :) Please, let me know what you think! Reviews are always appreciated, and I try to return the favor as quickly as possible. ;)
This is my piece for June's "Writing Challenge Contest." If you've enjoyed it, please vote for me here.
This is my first time entering a contest with a prompt, so please be nice with your reviews... :P Let me know what you think of my spin on the prompt. Basically, the prompt made me think about how fragile our perceptions of things are, and how easily they could be changed by a single event, or being "seen in a new light." :P I also took hold of the "and everybody could see it" part, and put an ironic twist on it: Nobody can really tell how she feels in the story, even when she's realized that things have changed, nobody except herself notices it. :)
So, that's what my brain thought of. :P Reviews are awesome!!! :)))
All works: © AvidWriter-92. Fictionpress User I.D. 717443. 2010.