Drunken Nights...

So everyone's funny when they're drunk... duh. Just a few of my favourite quotes that others have so nicely reminded me about.

I am the worst combination ever of drunken people. I'm all the bad ones, seriously. I am:
-The annoying one- Who interrupts your conversations.
-The random one- Who does the most stupid things... like, sleeps in trees.
-The emotional one- Who is verbally abusive and cries and hugs trees.
-The dumb one- Who has a five second memory and says the most stupid things.|
So yeah. Not fun because I definitely need a minder when I am drunk.



Standing in-between two fence posts with my arms outstretched trying to reach both at the same time.

Me: "Imagine if there was a fence here... I totally wouldn't be able to get to the other sides of the fence!"

Boy: (Moves to step through it, laughing)

Me: "NOOOOO! I'm a fence!"


Me: "Don't touch my hair! You'll use it as a wig!"

Everyone: (Laughs)


James: "Hey Liz! Hey! Don't you think Rose's hair looks like endoplasmic reticulum."

Me: "Oooh, it does." (Start stroking her hair) "Niiice endoplasmic reticulum. It's so soft... Must be smooth unlike the rough stuff... Nothing rough here."

Rose: (Laughing)

Smooth E.R... Rough E.R. It's from Biology. I probably know more when I'm drunk.


Me: "What's your name?"

Rayne: "It's Rayne."

Me: "No it's not! Rain comes from the sky! You can't be called that!" (I start laughing)


Me: "Hey Billamus. Want some sauce?" (I move to wipe sauce on his hand but he moves it and I end up getting his jeans)

Billamus: "What's you do that for?!?"

Me: "You moved your hand!"

"... I didn't like your stupid pants anyway!"

Poor guy. I don't think he really appreciated his nickname... or the sauce.


Me: "That toilets name is Merlin!" (Laughing hysterically) "We can't go in there! Merlin is a boy's name! We're not boys!"

Kate: "You never go to the toilet anyway."

Me: (Seriously... Well as serious as you can get whilst drunk.) "You'll get aids if you go to the toilet."


I've just been to the toilet.

Me: "Hey! Guess what Jane! ...There's a poo in the sink! A poo!"



Random guy: (Talking about Chuck)

Me: "Hey! I know Chuck!"

Kate: (Laughing) "He's your brother."

Me: "Oh."


(In the backseat getting driven home; we pull over suddenly)

Something is said about a rabbit...

Me: "Ooooh! Rabbits! Let's make it our pet! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit!"

Boy: "Let's kill the rabbits."

Me: (Bouncing up and down in my seat) "Yeah!" (Suddenly I realise the guy driving was on crutches before... ) "Oh my god! You can't drive! You're a cripple! A cripple is driving and we're all drunk!" "...Where are we going?"

Driver: "Chuck's place."

Me: "I know Chuck!"

(Everyone laughs)

Me: "What?"


Pull up at my house.

Me: "Hey! This is my house! What are we doing here?"

Driver: "Seeing Chuck."

Me: "Oh! I know him! Where does he live?"

Driver: "Here. He's your brother."

Me: "Hey... Wait a minute... What are we doing at Chuck's place?"

I'm evidently quite dumb when I am drunk.
Also, it's totally ok guys. The guy had had a knee operation on his LEFT knee... I just couldn't process that in my state, so it was totally safe after all. YAY! Well, as safe as it can be when you have me in a car and I kept sticking my head up the front and distracting him.


I have made it inside my house.

Me: (Run into a chair) "OW! Stupid chair! Who put that there?! Who the fuck's house am I in anyway?"

Random: "Yours, ya stupid drunk."

Me: "Oh."


My friend, May, is crying and my best friend, Kate, is explaining why to me... It's something to do with her boyfriend, and well, I don't really know because I wasn't paying attention but yeah...

Kate: "She's upset about Ashton. She doesn't know what to do."

Me: (Laughing)(To Kate) "You know what she should do?"

Kate: "What?"

Me: (To May) (Still laughing)"You know what you should do?"

May: "What?"


...And then I ran away... No seriously, I did.

Oh, I am horrible guys because she was bawling I tell you, bawling.


I'm pretty drunk and the exchange student is trying to calm me down.

Me: "I need another drink. I should totally get another drink!"

Koh: "Liz... Calm down. You can't get another drink. You need to calm down."

I try to get up but he forcibly restrains me. I pout at him before getting distracted by another guy.

Me: "Catherine Kimber! Cattthhherine Kimber!" I point at him when I say this and he rolls his eyes and walks away again.

Koh: "Calm down Liz!"

Me: "How do you even know my name?"

Koh: "What? I don't know, I just do?"

Me: "But, seriously... How? It's sooo cool! How do you know my name?"


Koh: "Liz?"

Me: "Yeah?"

Koh: "Shut up."

The party was a mid-term exam reliever and during our GAT (General Achievement Test... I think) a lady had called out Cam's name as Catherine which is why I was saying that. I don't know about you, but I don't think he was very impressed. Also... I MISS KOH! He went back to Japan... And now me and I friends have no hot foreigners to perve on! Also, this isn't really funny at all... it's what I do afterwards that's funny but that's for another time :)


Talking to a guy with a beard.

Me: "Oh God! I love your beard! Seriously it's so cool! I want one! Do you think I could grow one?"

Bearded guy: (Laughing) "Thanks! Yeah, I reckon it'd look awesome!"

Me: "Really? Me too! We'll be beard twins!"

Bearded guy: (Laughs)


I see a cat and go over to pat it for a long time before going to talk to my friend.

Me: "Hey Em! Did you see that cat? I think it likes me! Yeah, I think I made friends with it!"

Em: (Laughing) "I'm sure you did Liz."

Me: "Do you think it likes me?"

Em: "Yes, Liz. I think it does."

Me: "SCORE!"


Me: "Sometimes I check out other girls arses, but not in a 'oh, I'm a lesbian' way but in a 'man, I wish I had their arse' kind of way. And I used to check out Koh's all the time... Yeah he had a nice arse. But don't worry... You have quite a nice arse too. Yeah, when you've got those pants on and your shirt tucked in... Quite nice."

AJ: (Laughing) "I am so glad you're drunk Liz!"

Me: "HAHAHA. Oh, this is going to be awkward at school!"

Man I am retarded sometimes.
I am yet to speak to him again... I was so right

I feel like this isn't as funny as my sober quotes but I am a bad drunk who never remembers anything so you take what you get :P.
Hope my idiocy continues to amuse you :)