Originally Posted: 12/7/08
A/N: If you read my story A Moment Too Soon, you'll know that I'm reposting a lot of my stories from FanFiction onto Fictionpress. There are spelling/grammar mistakes in here, but I didn't change them because I want the story to be exactly the same as how it was when I first posted it. The A/N at the bottom of this page is also from when I first uploaded this story.
Death and Suicide
There are times when I don't even know what I'm living for. I always wonder, what's the point of living if all we're going to do is die in the end anyway?
Life is bullshit. It's nothing more than a game God plays; create us, drag us through hell, and then kill us as if it were nothing. After all, the bible does state that God has already planned all our lives out. Doesn't that mean we're mere puppets? Nothing more than a simple tool in a twisted, cruel experiment?
When people say our fate is already decided, I think about how religious they are; more like how damn stupid they are. I think that's complete bullshit. Our lives are only like that if we let it become just that.
People make such a huge deal out of every little thing in life, yet they never do anything to change it. They just sit around and complain. I actually work to gain change. I actually want it.
People these days have to open their eyes and think for themselves. All they do is follow others and what they believe, trying to be the same as everyone else. In other words, all they want in life is to fit in. Of course, this doesn't apply to everyone. Only for those ignorant ones. Those who judge and try to manipulate other peoples' lives as if they were their own.
I'm sick and tired of it; hearing people say that something is 'best for me.' That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, especially since no one has the right to judge anything. I repeat, no one. Even I have only a small right to be able to judge myself, and none at all to judge anything else.
Besides, what's supposedly best for me is simply what I want. It's not what anyone else wants. I thought that was obvious. If I really do have a reason to live, it'd be to live for myself. But maybe I've already lost that will entirely.
What am I supposed to do? Suicide won't help, though it's been a consideration once before. Heck, I've tried it. Too bad it failed. If it hadn't, I suppose I wouldn't be in this mess right now. No worries about anything. I could just do whatever I wanted. I could go anywhere.
Death. I've always wondered what it was like; how it felt to die, and how the afterlife would be. Whenever someone says the word 'heaven', I think of vast skies, white clouds, and little angels flying around everywhere as if it was the greatest thing to do.
I've always wanted to fly. It seems to be the best thing to do at these times, when I want to escape life for a while. Too bad I can't, huh? Then life would be a whole lot easier.
Then again, that's just running away. It's just a gentle form of it, though. Suicide is probably the regretful way. My definition of suicide; 'The easiest way to run away from life. Permanently.' No u-turns where you can change your mind in the middle of it. It's crash and burn in this world; life or death. Nothing more, though possibly something less.
A/N: I apologize for those who don't believe in God. The (Christian) bible part might not be true. I'm just guessing from what little I remember from all those Sunday church sessions I used to go to.
This is crap, I know. I'm not exactly in the mood to make it the 'perfect little story.' Just not in the state of mind to be able to do that. My entire life is falling apart, and I'm tired of it. I don't even know what I'm living for anymore, and this story is based on my current feelings. Everything's just screwed up right now.
And I know this entire piece sounds extremely ignorant, obnoxious, and even arrogant, but it's supposed to be like that.
I have a headache that's been raging since last night, so there are probably mistakes in here.