After falling asleep on Carson's couch with him, I hadn't stirred, or even had a nightmare, something I had completely pushed to the back of mind when deciding I would sleep here. I woke up refreshed and content, and met with the tender pulse of Carson's heart beneath my ear.
I looked up and noticed that Carson was awake and staring at me with a small smile gracing his face.
"Good morning." He whispered, his smile growing wider as he leaned down to peck me on the lips. I turned my head so that he got my cheek instead. He tried to hide the disappointment and confusion he was feeling but it was displayed clearly on his face.
"I have morning breathe." I spoke wrinkling my nose. All traces of Carson being upset left his face as he chuckled and leaned in to give me a peck on the lips before I even registered his motive.
"I don't care." He said leaning back and smiling. The smile tugging at my cheeks broke free.
"What are your plans on this lovely Sunday?" He said taking a gaze out of the window before looking back towards me.
"I told my dad I would go see him when he called earlier this week." I remembered. He looked slightly disappointed but managed to hide it decently.
"Oh, alright. When are you going?" I hated leaving Carson a lone, he seemed to hate it. I was the same way, my thoughts consumed me whenever I was by myself and I didn't want to leave him to wallow away in his own emotional pity.
"I could not go." The words flew out of my mouth before I could even stop them. My father was sick and I was willing to not see him for fear of leaving my new boyfriend alone. Am I really that horrible of a daughter?
Carson must have noticed the change in my demeanor for he shook his head lightly.
"I wouldn't make you choose between staying here with me or going to see your father whose sick." I smiled up at him, silently thanking him for washing away the guilt I would have felt.
"Do you want to come with me? You know, meet my dad. I mean, if you don't want to its perfectly okay, you don't have to. You know, if its to soon. I would completely understand. I don't want to push you into anything. I-" I spoke hastily trying to resurrect confidence in my question before I was cut off.
"I don't Hannah. I'm not…" He stopped speaking mulling over the words in his head silently. "I'm not sure how to say exactly what I mean without it sounding rude or harsh." He finally spoke out.
"Just say what your thinking however it was you first thought it. I promise I won't get mad about whatever it is." I was feeling more crushed as the moments went by. I wasn't sure if he couldn't seem to come up with a good enough excuse or he truly felt something.
"I don't like your dad. In fact, after thinking about it I think I might hate him." His words started off slow until he gained enough confidence in them, they then proceeded to gain momentum and confidence as each syllable passed through is mouth. "He hurt you. He hurt your family. He wasn't there for you when I was, hell he wasn't there for you when I wasn't. He's the reason your mom isn't here, he's the reason my mother isn't here. He was the deciding factor if I would kill my father, or my mother and him both."
I looked at him incredulously. How could he pin his actions on some one other than himself? Let a lone the man that had raised me to the best of his ability. My dad had his shortcomings, he was by no means the perfect man, but he was there. He was not the man that tore apart my childhood bubble, Carson's father was.
"He didn't make you chose anything. You made all those decisions yourself. He didn't hold a gun to your head and tell you to kill your mother." I know I had said I wouldn't get mad but the words flew out before my mind had a chance to filter them.
I'm infuriated at the thought of going to see her father. I have no right to tell her not to go but I have all the right in the world to personally not go and tell her how I feel about the man.
"He didn't make you chose anything. You made all those decisions yourself. He didn't hold a gun to your head and tell you to kill your mother."
I felt the urge to hit her, hearing Jack in the back of my mind.
No woman should ever talk to you like that, unless she's looking for punishment.
I contained myself but unconsciously took a step closer to her. Does she not get it?
"Do you not fucking get it Hannah? Do I have to explain it to you once again! For, I don't know, the hundredth fucking time." I took another step closer, watching her take a step back from me.
She was frightened, but I didn't care. She was cowering, but I still didn't care. I moved closer, invading the space around her body to a point I couldn't even control the proximity any longer.
A surge of intensity passed through her eyes and I was mesmerized and patient for the emotion to spill into the atmosphere.
"That man did not hurt me. That man never even dreamed of hurting me, let alone to attempt to. He was kind, and he was gentle. And above all that he was my father, despite the terrible incident that took place with your scathing whore of a mother. But you, you, Carson Pearce, have thought about what you condemn my father for. I see it in your eyes, you're thinking about it. Come on, hit me then Carson."
She was baiting me and she knew it. Where this Hannah came from I had no idea, but I don't like it.
Hit her, then. She's asking for it. Literally, kid. Show the bitch her place.
I felt the dominance surge through me. Feeling inferior and weak was not a feeling that suited me well. I needed to feel in control. Without the dominance and control I was the same seven year old boy that beat to the brink of death on a daily basis. I would never be that weak again, I had promised myself this. I was no victim.
And Hannah would learn that.
The words about my father spilled with intensity and were laced with venom at my new aggressor. My father was all I had left beside Trevor, he was my only blood and I would stand by his side against anyone. Carson didn't know what that was like, understandably, but that didn't mean I would sit back and watch as he degraded the man that gave me life.
"…. Come on, hit me then Carson." I was taunting him, trying to break him over the edge, for reasons I couldn't comprehend in the moment.
I would not be victimized for another moment in my life. His proximity was dangerous, his intensity deadly. I would not stand down and give up. My entire life had been learning to accept the dominance that controlled my life, but I wouldn't do it anymore.
But one look in his eyes sent my heart spiraling down.
Or maybe that was impact of his fist to my face.
AN: I know this is short but I'm trying to space things correctly and have everything I want to happen with this story happen, so bare with me please. I also want to apologize for the length of time it takes me to spit out another chapter, I get lost in daily things but I will always return to this story. Thank you all of you who continue to review and those of you who have subscribed and favorited. It means the world to me. xoxo