Seeing Stars

"I'm not gay. Honestly. I just like kissing boys."

Misty, my best friend of, like, forever, raises an eyebrow at me. She's giving me one those looks again that tells me she thinks I'm full of bullshit.

"Uh, Issac, I hate to break it to you, I really do, but if you like kissing boys, that means you're gay."

I shoot her a spiteful glare, crossing my arms in front of me and wishing she were close enough to kick from under the lunch table.

"Oh, shut up. That's not what it means at all. Lots of straight guys kiss other guys."

Mist snorts, rolling her eyes and popping a fry into her mouth. "Yeah, just like lots of other straight guys paint their nails and have broad shoulders on their checklist of turn-on's. Face it, babe, you're gay."

"Stop saying that!" I snap, glancing around to see if anyone heard. I hope to god not, because I've put way too much time and effort into trying to keep this secret. Trying to scare her into submission, I peg her with my best death glare. It doesn't work. At all. In fact, she kind of laughs at me.

"Oh, come on, Issac. Don't get your panties in a bunch about all this. I mean, if we're going to be honest, I've pretty much known you were gay since that time in 5th grade when you tried the whole 'I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours' line on Brent Garrison…"

I tune Misty's voice out as I spot Ryan Vallors from across the cafeteria.

Sigh.

Sometimes, just the sight of him is what makes school bearable. I know I shouldn't stare, but I can't help myself. Is it wrong that I'm probably drooling all over myself right now? Not really. He's the closest thing to perfection I've ever seen, with dirty blonde hair and dark, mysterious blue eyes-

"Issac."

I snap my head to the right, locking eyes with Rayven, or Rave as we like to call him, the missing part of the trio Misty and I make up. I feel my heart skip a beat, it's usual pitter patter interrupted as my stomach does a backflip. He's my other best friend, one things have become very complicated with these past few weeks.

Rave follows the line of gaze I'd held just a second ago, his mouth twitching slightly as he sees Rave Vallors across the cafeteria. Misty clears her throat, picking up on the tension as Rave takes a seat between the two of us on the circular table.

They both knew I was gay, if I was going to be completely honest. That wasn't what was making things awkward. See, these past two years, I'd began to feel…differently towards Rave. He'd been my best friend forever, and at first I thought maybe I was just confused since we always spent pretty much every waking moment together. As time went on, though, I realized it was a hell of a lot more than confusion. And that it definitely wasn't going away.

Yeah. I'd pretty much done the worst thing possible. Fallen in love with my best friend. My straight best friend. I'd told Misty, who'd accidentally let it slip to Rave. And now, whenever we were around each other, there was this tension.

The look in his eyes, though, the way his mouth had twitched when he saw me staring at Ryan…I could've almost sworn he was jealous. I knew I was just seeing what I wanted to, that there was no way Rave could be jealous. Sometimes I was just so pathetic, trying to convince myself like this.

"I wouldn't waste a second glance on him." Rave says, obviously referring to Ryan. "I mean, I've heard when he's drunk he goes for guys and girls, but the guy's pretty much a man-whore. I mean, seriously, I bet he's walking around with at least three STD's."

Misty raises an eyebrow at Raven, glancing over at Ryan once more. "Sheesh, Rave. Harsh much? What the hell did he ever do to you?"

"Nothing." Rave says, shrugging defensively. "It's just, you know how Issac is. He's way too innocent for his own good."

"I'm right here!" I shout, annoyed that Rave's talking like I'm not even here. "And I'm quite capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much." I snap, crossing my arms. I hate how he treats me like a child sometimes.

"Issac, you know that's not what I meant." Rave says, his voice slightly softer as he looks over at me. "I just don't want you getting involved with someone and then getting your heart broken because you think there's good in everyone and shit."

I raise an eyebrow, unable to stop the next few words from coming out. "Yeah. Because it would be totally horrible if I ended up trusting someone and they just ended up breaking my heart."

Everyone knew I was talking about him. Sometimes I hated myself for being bitter like this, but it killed me, seeing him like this every day and knowing he would never feel the same way about me as I did him.

Rave's jaw tenses slightly, his grip tightening around the plastic fork he'd been holding till his knuckles turn white.

Before anyone can say a word, a loud, shrill voice sounds to our right, causing all of us to cringe.

"Hey, Ravey! I've missed you!"

A blonde, bubbly girl forces her way in between Rave and I even though there's really no space. Her name's Marissa, and I've been plotting her death for these past few months. She's dating Rave, my Rave.

He wraps his arm around her, pulling her a little closer as she plants a repulsive kiss on his lips. I cringe inwardly, trying to keep my gag reflex in check. Every time I see them touch, I feel like someone's digging around in my chest, pulling me apart bit by bit. It's horrible.

Gah. They don't even look good together anyways. He has jet blackish blue hair and these amazing ice blue eyes. She has this ugly bleach blonde hair that looks like it's been fried to shit and these disgusting puke green eyes. At least they look puke green to me. Rave has these perfectly sculpted lips, just the right size for kissing. And she has these ridiculously pouty fish lips that look way too big for the rest of her face.

And that stupid nickname she has for him. It's not even cute.

"You know, Ravey, my parents aren't going to be home tonight. I was thinking maybe you could come over and-"

Ugh. I can't sit here and listen to this.

"I'm gonna go to my next class. I'll see you guys later." I mutter, casting one last glance in Rave's direction. He knows why I'm leaving. I get like this every time Marissa comes around and practically drapes herself all over him. Everyone knows, except for Marissa. She's just about as dumb as a rock. I swear.

"Here, I'll walk with you." Misty says, a pitying look on her face that makes my stomach wrench. I'm so pathetic, with the way I'm pawning after him even though I obviously don't even have a chance with him.

Whatever. It's not like I can change that. Trust me, I've tried. And if I could, I would. In a second.


I bob my head back and forth to the music blaring through my headphones, signing along softly to the words of the song Beautiful Colors by Kill Paradise. They're my favorite band. Of all time. Ever.

Music's kind of my outlet for all the shit I can't deal with in life. Like loving my best friend and having him reject me without even saying a word every day of my life. Or seeing Marissa's fish lips sucking face with him. Eww.

"Hey, heads up!"

I barely hear the warning above the loud blare of my music, turning just in time to see a football heading straight for my face. I don't have time to react, feeling the painful collision as the football slams into my face, flattening me back first against the pavement.

I blink a few times, seeing stars before a tall figure comes to stand over me. By now, my headphones have been knocked from my ears, so I can pretty much hear everything that's going on.

"Hey, you alright?"

My heart jumps to my throat as I recognize that voice. I know Ryan Vallors is standing over me, even if my vision is still blurry from the accident. I could recognize his velvety smooth voice anywhere.

Flushing deeply, I try and sit up, but Ryan kneels down, putting his hand on my chest to stop me from doing so.

"Whoa there. Take it easy. You could have a concussion, with how hard you hit the pavement." He says, genuine concern in his voice as his eyes appraise me.

I blush, not only at the physical contact, but also at how close he is. He smells amazing, though I can't quite put my finger on what it is.

"Are you dizzy or anything?" he asks, slowly taking his hand off my chest and allowing me to sit up. The place where his hand had been tingles, a peculiar warmth spreading through my chest.

I shake my head furiously, more than embarrassed that this is the first time I'm actually talking to Ryan Vallors. I'm sure he's seen my staring at him several times, though he doesn't seem to be put off by the fact.

"Hey, Ryan, c'mon!" I hear Ryan's friends call out to him as he twists his head over his shoulder. He throws the ball back to them, but doesn't leave my side.

"Naw, I'm gonna make sure Issac's alright. I'll catch up with you guys later."

My heart skips a beat as I realize he knows my name. Ryan Vallors actually knows my name.

"Oh man, I'm really sorry about this." He says, turning his gaze back to me and motioning to my elbow.

I vaguely register my elbow's bleeding, but only slightly. I can't even feel it, actually.

"Don't worry about it." I manage to force out without stuttering, grateful for at least that much. "I mean, I should've left one earbud out so I could hear what was going on."

Ryan glances at the backpack next to me, then back to the school I'd just left.

"You walk home?"

I nod, averting my gaze and flushing lightly. It was embarrassing to be a senior in high school and still not have my own car.

"You want a ride home? I mean, it's the least I could do after hitting you like this."

I stare at him for a few seconds like an idiot, not really able to believe he's actually offering me a ride home. Once I regain my sense, though, I politely decline.

"No, really, I'm fine. I don't want to inconvenience you. Besides, my house is really only a few blocks away."

Ryan hesitates, helping me to my feet and slinging my backpack over his shoulder.

"Then at least let me walk you home. I mean, what if you actually do have a concussion and you ended up passing out or something half way home."

I snorted, thinking the chances of that are next to nothing. Still, though, the idea of Ryan Vallors offering to walk me home seemed unfathomable.

"Uh, I mean, yeah, sure, if you really want to."

Ryan grins, waiting for me to lead the way as we began walking in the direction of my house.

"So, you're in my English class, aren't you?" he asks, recognition flashing in his eyes.

I nod numbly, still not really able to believe this is really happening.

"You're the one who won the writing contest, about the justice system in America and all that stuff, right?"

I blink, unable to hide my surprise. That happened, like, 4 months ago.

"Uh, yeah. I guess, I , ah, just got lucky."

Ryan chuckles, raising an eyebrow at me. "Yeah right. You don't just get lucky with stuff like that. I mean, honestly, I'd kill to win something like that."

"Really?" I ask, wondering why in the world he'd want to win any sort of contest that like that. "Why? I mean, it's not like you need it or anything. You're pretty much the star of the football team."

Ryan flashes a crooked grin my direction. "You come to the games?"

I flush slightly, trying to shrug it off casually. "Sometimes. I mean, I always hear people talking about it and stuff…"

"You should come sometime." He says, almost as casually as my last statement. "We have a game this Friday, you know."

I pause, trying to figure out if he's inviting me simply to be polite, or because he honestly wants to see me there.

"Yeah. Alright. I'll try and make it."

A faint buzzing sound comes from Ryan's pocket as he pulls his cell phone out, reading the text he'd just gotten and frowning slightly.

"Damn it. Mom's freaking out, asking why I'm not home seeing as football practice ended twenty minutes ago."

We both pause, locking eyes for a moment before I remember this is probably the part where I should thank him.

"So, ah, thanks, you know, for being so nice about all this-"

"Hey, I was the one who hit you." He reminds me with a small grin. Taking a few steps backward, he looks back towards the school, which is now a few blocks away. "So, I've got to go before my mom freaks out, but I'll keep an eye out for you at the game this Friday."

I nod as he turns around and begins to jog back to the school. Holy. Shit. Ryan Vallors just walked me home. And we talked. And had a actual conversation.

Buzz. Buzz.

I jolt slightly, reaching into my pocket and pulling out my phone.

I see that I have one text from Rave, sent less than a minute ago.

What the fuck were you doing walking with Ryan Vallors?

A/N: Alright, so what do you guys think?

I wanted to try a Yaoi Romance from the first person perspective and experiment with a different tense. Plus, lately I've been kind of hung up on the whole 'best friend/unrequited love' thing, so I wanted to try something out with that.

Still not sure about it yet, so depending on the feedback I get, I might have to go back and pitch the idea from different angle.