Driving My Teachers And Lecturers Up The Wall
A/N: In all the following conversations, yours truly is referred to as simply "M". No, it's not a James Bond-ish thing. It simply stands for MidNight. V stands for my dear ink sister, Viskqoux, and OB is M's stupid mother-in other words, Old Bitch. The BARN is what yours truly refers to as her current prison. Most other people would call it "home" or "house", but it's a barn(because of all the livestock animals living there. Again, most other people would call them "family", but that's not the way it is from my point of view.)/prison to me.
Oh, and I didn't do all these mad things to the SAME Sir. There's about 2-3 different Sirs in here.
Oh, and yes, MidNight The Magnificent's not-so-magnificent name on her identification is actually the dull boring "Jasmine". (In my defense, it wasn't my fault, parents only gave me my given name when I was about 7. I asked to be named after the protagonist in a certain Disney movie. And I got what I wanted. SORT OF. Wasn't quite the protagonist I was thinking of, though. Aladdin would have been such a cooler, not to mention APPORIATE name!)
A ? means that moi can't remember the date that the particular incident happened. These should all be in chronological order anyway.
And yes, I do call all my teachers and lecturers "Sir" or "Mdm". It's so much more convenient that than to remember all their different names. As long as I don't call a male lecturer "Mdm", or vice versa and I don't stink too badly of cigars(don't smoke, personally, but my sis likes cigars. I much prefer the smell of it over cheap cigarettes too.) and wine when I show up for my night classes, I'm golden.
All of these incidents happened with the SAME Sir.
Totally fucked LATE for class, and everyone was ALREADY taking the test by the time I walked into class(in my own defense, at least I WASN'T sashaying!)...
M: "Sorry, sir, but I got held back at work." (Technically, I overslept my afternoon nap. Mugging for the test took its toll on me.)
Sir: (graciously)"That's alright."
M: (cheekily)"Well, at least you know I wasn't out partying before I came here."
Sir took the bait! "Why's that?"
M: (grins)"Because I'm sober and I'm not sitting here smelling of cigars and wine."
Of course, none of this would ever happen while I'm still STUCK in this damn barn, but hey, it's pretty fun to tease those of my lecturers who do have a sense of humour. Oh, and he seemed pretty surprised that I was all, "not smelling of CIGARS and WINE." I dunno. Maybe he was expecting me to be a cigarettes and beer kinda girl?!
Sir is explaining solutions to an exercise that we did in class.
M:"Excuse me, Sir, but could you put it into the (shared) student drive so that we can retrieve copies of it?" (so that we could view it on our individual computers in the lab)
M:"Thank you. (pause) Not that you are unpleasant to look at, of course, but it's really tiring to keep moving one's head up and down. (angelic grin)"
Class laughs raucously. Well. The guys laughed. I don't think women get me, and frankly, I don't give a fuck about it either!
M really really appreciates a guy who can laugh WITH her, as some of the guys joked, even after, "(I) just insulted (his) manhood."!
"Insulting his manhood?! Come on, it's not like I said that he was small-sized, alright?"(it's even funnier when you consider the fact that I'm siting down, somewhere right about crotch-level when Sir is standing there, teaching!), alright?" (It was a computer lab, not lecture hall, which explains much?)
And when Sir is willing to SUSPEND lessons for 15 minutes just so the dudes can can come around giving me hi-fives(while the stupid girlie girls just SULK in a corner giving me the evil eye.), I know that he's a really good sport and that he likes me, man. Not to mention returning my hi-five at the end of it all when I grinned at him, "No hard feelings, right, sir?"
M is in an argument with her Sir, fiercely arguing AGAINST the retarded sites called FaceBook and Twitter. M passionately launches into a rant all the EVILS(yes, EVILS-it is that serious.) of Face-fucking-book and Twit-retard-ter. Sir gently interrupts. "Uh, Jasmine. I have FaceBook and Twitter too, you know."
M pauses to take a breath: "I know." and then continues ranting on the evils of Facebook as if Sir had said nothing at all. Sir just heaves a somewhat weary sigh. But at least he was IMPRESSED when I told him that I actually write LETTERS to keep in touch with my friends!
Who fucking needs a website to keep track of how many "friends"/stalkers one has got?! Call up your friends to chat, or write them a letter if you really love them that much.
Starting here, these mad incidents take place with ANOTHER Sir because M finished the previous module. Nice dude up there. VERY tolerant. At least TOLERANT enough to NEVER throw me out of his class... (I'm pushing my luck, aren't I?)
M is in class and Sir asks that we all work our projects.
M switches Stud* on and exclaims, "Ooh... Let me make SWEET LOVE to my baby!"
*Stud is name of moi's brand new MacBook Pro. Saved for and paid with my own cash.
Sir: (heaves a mock exasperated sigh) "Jasmine."
M: "What? It's not like I'm going to put a condom on him and stick him in one of my holes. (laughs shamelessly)"
Anyway, the guys were all laughing raucously WITH me(including Sir), so it's really not like I ain't funny.
Needless to say, I chose NOT to reveal his name as Stud there and then. I mean, I do love my Sirs and classmates. I have no wish to give them all heart attacks. ONE revelation at a time, aye?
Sir:"Jasmine, why do you like the violent stuff so much?"
M:"Sir, it's not just the violence. I like sex too. Especially when you put them together. S/M is kind of cool!"
Sir gives up and just shakes his head silently, choosing NOT to venture down that dark path with me. WIMP!
Sir:"Class, I need you each to come up with one emotion and one way of presenting it visually onscreen."
M:"Horny, and 'Johnny had a really big bulge/massive raging hard-on in his pants.'"
Sir:"How would your character behave if he or she were lovesick?"
M:"Hook up with a new fuck buddy!"
Sir:"Jasmine, you have issues. I said LOVEsick, not LUSTsick."
M:(looks at Sir innocently)"What's the difference?"
Sir:"Class, come up with an example of an object that symbolizes an ending."
M:"A used condom!"
Sir:"Jasmine, that's not what I meant."
M:"Sure it is! After fucking, I kick your silly ass out of my bed and you go home. There's never a need to spend the night."
M continues with all sorts of THINLY veiled sexual innuendo throughout the lesson...
Near the end of the lesson...
Sir:"What is wrong with you tonight, Jasmine? Boyfriend out of town?"
M:(waves a hand idly)"Boyfriend, Sugar Daddy, Fuck Buddy, whatever you like to call him, yeah, sure."
(later that night, I met up with my sis, V...)
V: "Oh my gods, Night, can you imagine if Sir calls up your barn?
'Hello, Mrs. (surname), I'm just a teeny-weeny bit concerned about Jasmine. How often do you get her tested for STDs?
(Old Bitch panics on the other end of the line.)
No no, it's nothing that I KNOW, just a suspicious hunch... She just seems a bit...' (Sir doesn't finish the sentence!-quite possibly the WORST thing he could do is NOT finish the sentence.)"
In other news, and yours truly seems to be the guy-est person in the whole class. The rest of the BOYS are such WIMPS! One of the more innocent ones even had to have ME explain to him WHY Johnny(refer above) would have 'a huge bulge in his pants'! Look, it's not even MY anatomy and I know it better than him! Seriously! What the fuck is the world coming to?!
In class, Sir has rejected ALL of M's script ideas.
Sir:"Jasmine, why are all of your ideas so bloody and violent? I think you have issues."
M:"No, Sir. It's not that I have issues. It's for the very simple reason that red splats are EASY to animate!" Bloody Hell, if I really had issues, I wouldn't be able to function in a 'normal' society. Lucky me nobody has caught on to my craziness yet, aye?
But that would be defeating the point of why I parted with cash to study for this animation diploma, wouldn't it, if I keep choosing the easy-read RED SPLAT-way out?
I'll update again when I tease my current Sirs to NEAR breaking point again. Or whenever current module with this Sir ends. Whichever comes sooner.
MidNight The Magnificent
15th Jul 2010