Those of you that have read/will read, this is some background info on our beloved Aubrey ^.^ Since he's been around 600 years I figure this sort of thing was more likely to happen in the past. This story will also explain his actions in the novel and why he has separated so much from the other vampires and why he feels so strongly so suddenly for Ciara.
This story can stand alone as well.
The Lord of Ekonsine
The tears she shed wear meaningless and small as they splashed into the river below. The very beating of hear breaking heart in her chest out-sounded by the rushing of the water, and the humming of the cars on the bridge above. Tightly, her hands were clasped around a doll adorned with male features and fashionable attire.
Something had possessed her into creating him. It was something inside of her that she herself couldn't understand. Such an unnatural attachment to an inanimate object. Of course people we're going to scorn her for the obsession, shouldn't she have expected that? Or at the very least, tried to tone it down a bit? It wasn't the 2000's yet, it wasn't time to try standing out or leaving the crowd. Antelope that get separated from the herd, in the end, die.
Was that why this overwhelming feeling of despair would come to her every once in a while?
The sand nearby was wet, but she didn't care. Carefully propping her doll up on a nearby rock, his head tilted in her direction. The tears still hadn't stopped, and even though she still debated herself, her actions, everything, her vibrating hand still followed down the path she'd came here to take.
Every night, consistently, she'd dream of him. Vividly. The way he touched her felt like fire on her skin, his voice was as soft and alluring as black silk, and his beauty; his beauty could not be compared to anything she'd ever seen. Was it possible to dream so religiously of something that does not exist? Is it possible to love someone that you've only ever met in your dreams?
In her dreams, he was completely hers...but in her life, he was just a dream.
Yet, regardless of all of that, out of everyone she knew or had known, not once had she loved anyone else more. Not once had the feelings she felt for him in her dreams ever made any sort of appearance in her real life.
If you believe wholeheartedly in a false reality, is it really false?
It wasn't hard to draw the line across her wrists, down the road not across it. That's the funny thing about believing in a false reality, the pain is the one thing that tells you your still alive, and that your not dreaming.
Yet, at the same time her strongest fear was not of dying, it was of living.
I love you...
If you dream when you are asleep, is death a constant, never ending, dream?
I love you!
As her heart beat slowed and the sand began to stain with blood, she felt even closer to him. Inside her mind was screaming it, screaming how much she loved him.
Then there was darkness. Then, finally, there was light. It wasn't bright, and her life hadn't flashed before her eyes or anything. Yet, she could see light, and a figure...she just couldn't make out their features.
Then again, blackness, and when she finally saw the light again it took her a moment to realize that she was still alive.
It was morning, the river was still flowing, the sun was almost at mid sky, and the sand was still covered in blood. Sitting up she tried to figure out how she had failed her task, only to notice that her wrists had no scars, cuts, abrasions, any sign of wear on them; and her doll, her doll wasn't sitting on the rock where she was sure she had left him, but instead was curled up around her arm.
Attempt two was only days later, and this time she thought it would be better to do it somewhere she thought no one in their right mind would ever find or run into her. Someone must have done some sort of quick ass surgery on her the first time. This time, she swore it would work.
No! It was him! It must have been him!
Downing an entire bottle of pills she had found, she sat down against a nearby tree to wait it out. Once again, her doll was close by, head tilted to look at her. The trees were soothing as she closed her eyes. If it didn't work this time, then her body would have to be blamed because she'd walked for hours just to get to this secluded spot in the forest, and it was the middle of the night.
I love you, I love you!
Then again, the darkness, and the light. Not a bright light, just a dim light and that figure again. The one she swore she'd saw before. This time though, she felt them, their hands on her, a panicked sort of rasp to their breath. Something was shoved down her throat, she didn't know what it was but was too weak to fight, or to keep her eyes open.
When she finally found the strength to open her eyes, it was morning and the sun shone through the trees, and once again, her doll was wrapped around her arm. Definitely not where she'd left it.
Okay...Okay...She thought, two times is just a coincidence, i'll succeed on my third try.
Attempt three was a few weeks later. It took more planning since she needed to find a sturdy rope, and an even more secluded and impossible location to get to. This time, she forked out a lot of money and convinced a stranger to drive her out to the middle of the mountains and drop her off. Hours from anything, and now ever hours away from the road she'd been left at, she assumed finally she was out of the reach of being saved. Even if her family, or someone, did find out where she'd been left and what she planned, it only took a minute to die this way. They couldn't make it in time.
If she lived again this time, it must be him.
Tying a rope around a tree she set up the noose and angled her head into the rope, with one swift kick at the log she hung herself.
I love you, I love you!
The darkness came faster this time, but different from her last two attempts the light didn't appear. It only got darker. Then brighter, but not because of the light, there was fire. All around her. Then pain, worse than anything she'd ever felt and then she realized that she was being torn apart.
All she could hear was screaming...
It felt like she had been there for an eternity when she saw him. The pain was so horrible she could hardly feel anything through it, but she knew, somewhere inside her soul, that he heart had skipped a beat regardless. With him he brought the light, and all the pain and darkness started to fade as he got closer to her until finally everything just went black again.
With a shock her eyes flipped open to take in the sun, the trees nearby, the mountains in the distance, and her doll wrapped around her arm, again.
Was she in love with an angel!
It was at this point she gave up. Every attempt she made at living, or dying, had failed. Rather than try at either she deduced that she just wouldn't try. Day by day, from that point forward, she degraded right in front of her eyes.
If he was real why hadn't he come to her? If he wasn't real, who had saved her?
First she stopped eating, and with that lost all her weight but also her energy. Months went by and as much as her family tried to figure out why she was looking sick, they never knew she would vomit everything they fed her.
Staring into the mirror, she wondered why she'd wanted all her life so badly to be skinny. If being skinny, as much she loved her body now, meant her face looked so deathly, then it wasn't worth it.
Energy levels continued to decline, she get out of breath just getting out of bed, half the time she couldn't talk because her mouth just simply refused to move. Instinct told her if she didn't want to go for attempt four she would need to eat, but she'd gone so long without food her body didn't actually long for it anymore. It disgusted her now.
One night, when she'd finally come to the conclusion she would eventually just fade away rather than die, her world was shaken all over again.
Before she even opened her eyes she sensed someone in the room, and she knew, oh yes she knew; it was him. The room was dark, but she could see his figure at the end of the bed, and he was looking at her.
"I-" She opened her mouth to speak only to have a piece of fruit shoved into her mouth.
Instinctively she spit it back out, only to watch in horror as her soul mate stood up and began to walk out of the room.
Mustering as much emotion in a whisper as she could, "Don't go!"
Rather than turn around, he passed her the bowl of fruit in his hand and glanced at her wearyingly over his shoulder.
Hesitantly she took it, not wanted to give him another reason to leave her.
Slowly, he came to sit beside her, his knee lightly brushing against hers. That was when she realized how revealed she actually was in her nightgown, and even though her blood pressure was low she had enough of it left to blush.
Taking the fork he gently poked another piece of fruit and brought it to her lips; she made no attempt to open her mouth or swallow.
Yet, she felt an immense amount of guilt when she heard his heavy sigh of response.
"Is there no other way?"
Though she'd opened her mouth to respond, her words were caught in her throat as she watched him take the fruit into his own mouth. Since he had leaned in towards her the light from the street outside had finally shone in through the window to highlight his features.
There was no doubt about it, he was an absolutely, divinely-perfect black haired beauty. Dear god his eyes, like soul stealing grey pits of doom which pulled her in and before she knew what was going on his lips were against hers and she was chewing, swallowing fruit.
When he pulled away, he grinned, a seductively alluring type of grin.
Taking more fruit, he offered it to her but she just looked at him expectantly.
"Ah," he said thoughtfully, this time he reached forward and plugged her nose until she gasped for air, at which time he shoved the fruit into her mouth forcing her to chew and swallow.
"Good girl," he whispered, as he kissed her, a real kiss this time.
Eventually, the eat and kiss routine came down to the last piece of fruit. Slowly, she ate it, unsure of what would happen after it was gone, but she did it none the less.
Again, he leaned forward and kissed her, deeper each time. Softly his tongue entered to mingle with hers as he captured and recaptured her lips. This kiss didn't end abruptly like the rest, it suddenly got deeper, faster, more desperate and she could feel his arms wrap around her.
It was then she realized that he wasn't a human, or an angel, as her tongue came across inhumanly sharp teeth she came to the solid, undeniable conclusion that he could be nothing other than a vampire.
That changed nothing. More than ever she wanted him, and the last thing on her mind was to have this feeling of being in his arms to stop. Pressing her tongue against his teeth she cut into her skin and knew it had worked because his arms had tightened around her, and his kiss deepened even more.
Not willing to have any regrets, she courageously crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. Finally her body was pressed against him, his strong arms still wrapped around her, holding her tightly to him.
Then, suddenly, he broke the kiss and tossed her from him. Looking the other way he made no attempt to leave the room or move closer to her.
Only when he heard her quiet sobs did he turn around, his face reflected shook as he watched the tears stroll down her cheeks. God it pained him, like a stab wound in the heart, to see her like this.
"Why?" She sobbed, "All i've ever done is loved you and tried to be something you loved in return, what have I done wrong? Will I never be good enough for you?"
Staring into her eyes, everything, every ounce of resistance he had broke and he came quickly to her. Wrapping his arms around her once again he pressed his lips to hers and fell atop her on the bed. Nothing would stop him now...
It took her a moment to realize what was happening but when she did she gave herself freely to him. Gently he loved her body, his hands splaying across every inch of her, his mouth and tongue hungry for everything they could taste of hers.
Even as her fear got caught in her throat at the most vital of moments his sweet whisper of love against her ear soothed everything. Nothing had ever felt this brilliant before, and they felt this over and over again that night as she made love to him, and to anyone, for the first time.
After, they lay quietly basking in the post-sex euphoria.
"Do you really...love me?"
"More than anything, my darling," he chuckled, "Though, i'll admit I do I miss my chubby little girl."
"...You couldn't poss-"
Stopping her with a finger on her lips, he shook his head, "You've always been, and always will be, perfect to me."
"Will you promise me something?"
Hesitating, she shook her head, "depends, what?"
"No, say you promise," he replied sternly, "If you can't promise me this and keep it, then you mustn't truly love me."
"...okay, I promise."
Staring back at him she saw an immense amount of despair in his eyes, but as soon as he blinked it went away, "Promise me that you will be good to your friends and family..."
She nodded, "okay..."
"...and eat again, I want my special girl to be healthy and happy..."
She nodded again, "okay, okay!"
"...and most important at all, when the time finally comes and you find someone you like, I want you to marry him..."
"...yes, and I want you to have a cute little baby and lots of puppies and kitties and all the nice things that you like."
The tears started falling, "but I only want to be with you! I love you!"
"I know you do," he said quietly, "I'm so happy I got to share this first important moment with you, I don't think I could bare having to give you away for your first time to anyone else."
"I don't want to be without you!" She sobbed, "I don't want anyone else, I can't have anyone else, I'm meant for you!"
"Don't you love me?"
"...I..." she hesitated, her sob caught in her throat, "...Okay...I promise."
Kissing her forehead he whispered into her ear, "I love you so much, never forget that."
"I know," she said absently, "I won't."
"We may not be able to be together in this lifetime but trust me when I say I will find you again, we will be together again one day so there is no need to ruin this lifetime by being sad."
Still sobbing, "I'm go-ing to mi -miss you soo much -ch!"
"I will miss you too," he said, a raspy catch to his voice, "...and I have all eternity to miss you."
Soothingly, so very soothingly he stroked his hand through her hair. The gentle, loving, movement helping to drift her off into a sleep. Holding her tightly too him he tried to memorize the feeling of her inside of his arms. Silent tears of blood stained his cheeks as he lied there with her.
Slowly, reluctantly, he stepped away from her. Making sure that she was covered well he gathered his clothes and silently put them on.
Bending down in front of her he stared at her sleeping form and leaned in to kiss her cheek.
"I love you," he whispered.
With one last look at her he disappeared. Trapped once again in his own house, in his own life, staring at the walls, ceilings, paintings, that he'd had for as long as he could remember.
Falling to his knees he still cried, the bloody tears now staining his shirt red. It didn't matter how much he tried, he knew the only way he'd cure the pain of missing her was to kill again, to drown himself in more of the blood like that which he poured from his eyes, and become even more of the monster he hated himself for being because it separated himself from her. The amount of death and despair around him he'd caused was enough for a war god to call a "good deed."
After all, he was Aubrey Ravaine, Lord of the Vampires, the reigning Lord of Ekonsine and one of the oldest remaining vampires in the world. First his duty was his job, his people, his nature, which was all villainous and horrible and full of death and blood and hate and everything that she was not.
Eventually things would change, they always do.
Eventually he'd live a life he could share with her.
Eventually he'd find her again and hold her in his arms and call her his women.
Eventually he'd be powerful and cunning enough to have her and protect her.