We both know I'll never give you this but I still have to write it, for the day when I'm strong enough to give it. To give you another one of those little bits that lets you see the real me. You know all my big secrets. You know about my cat, my sister, my dad, my insecure spots, him and my little problem with people. You know everything but...
word of the moment it seems. When I say I miss you. I mean it. When I say I'm not the same without you. I mean it. When I say that you make me laugh. I mean it. When you aren't around I just... I deflate. My smile shrinks a little, my glow dims, my heart slows, my eyes lose their shine.
It been a while since we just spent time, sitting, holding, hugging, kissing, loving. And I'm too scared to tell you I'm down. Because you'll worry and fuss. Because you'll think I'm not perfect. Because telling you would mean I'm not as strong as you think. Because you don't like to hear it. Because, well, how about just because?
So here I am. Scared and sad and pouring my heart onto a page you'll never see.
I'm down, not quite depressed but not quite not. All because you aren't here and I feel like I'm failing at everything. I feel like there's too much to do and I can't do any of it. I feel like the world is just sitting there waiting for me but I can't open the door to get there. I can't even convince myself to get up and try. I don't know what I want but I know I want you.
I want to wrap my arms around you and have you make everything better. I want to feel you beside me and feel your warmth wrap around me. I want to hide my face in your shoulder and just let it all flow out. But I can't because you're all the way over there. And I'm stuck here.
So come here
hold me close
and make my world brighter.