The Monkey and the Banana - Crackfic!
Mister Eduard F. Monkey was bored after a long day of working in the corporate office, and wasn't sure what he wanted to do now that he was in the nice beachy cabana that he called home. Scratching his dark, patchy fur, he loosened his tie, and pulled out a chair at the green and grey flecked granite countertop. When he sat down, he put his head in his hand and sighed. Today had not been a good day. To be fair, he hadn't really had a good day since his wife had left him for that chimpanzee sonuvabitch, anyway.
He knocked the picture of his family from back when they were happy flat on the counter, and was about to start another put-upon sigh when he was interrupted by a small voice.
"Yo, bro, you look pretty down," came the voice from somewhere near his fruit bowl.
Eduard's head snapped up, and he looked around suspiciously before laying his head back down on his arms, and wishing that he had someone to actually talk to, instead of just imagining voices.
"Eduard. Are you ignoring me? I'm just trying to cheer you up," came the small voice again, but this time a little louder.
Eduard opened one eye and sighed again, then stood up to look out his kitchen window to see if maybe one of his neighbors was paying him a visit. He pushed aside the green and white striped curtain, and peered out, but there was no-one to be seen.
"I'm over here, you doofus; you've only talked to me nearly every day when I was still growing, Mister."
Growing? thought Mister Monkey, who then looked back to the fruit bowl.
"Finally. Eduard, I thought we had some kind of connection. Every day you told me to Grow Stronger, little guy, and to Do my Best. Now you pretend you don't know me when I'm finally grown up enough to actually talk back. Why are you so down?"
Mister Monkey walked over to the fruit bowl and picked up the banana.
Well, he thought to himself, If I've been talking to it for this long, I might as well keep talking.
Out loud he said, "I've been down for a long time, little banana. My wife left me a year ago tomorrow for that ugly chimp! I don't know what to do with my life anymore."
To his surprise, the banana curled around his hand in what almost seemed like a hug. "I know that feel, bro," said the banana. "My brothers and sisters all left me one day, and not a single one said good-bye. I was devastated. But you move on, you know? Let's do something fun together to get you out of this funk."
Not sure what else to say, Mister Monkey put the banana in his pocket, and they went for a night out on the town.
Over the next few days, Mister Monkey and the banana became good friends; they went on the boat together, "Ban" went to work with the monkey it now called "Ed", and they even slept in the same bed. But the better friends they became, the more Ban realized that its time was coming to a close.
About a week had passed, and its skin was going brown with age. Ban and Ed were sitting together on the dock while Ed enjoyed a piña colada (which he had gotten from a pouch in the freezer, so Ban didn't see what went into it).
"Ed," said the banana suddenly into their familiar silence, "my time is drawing short, and I feel like I haven't done anything with my life." It cleared its throat when Eduard tried to interrupt. "Ed, you've been a good friend for my entire life, but I think it's time that you ate me."
"Ban!" shouted Ed, dropping his drink. "There's no way I could eat a good friend like you!"
"But Ed, don't you see?" exclaimed Ban, "It's the only way I can do any good with my life! I'm getting old, and soon I'll be rotting garbage to be thrown out! I don't want to be that, so you have to understand. It's time to eat me."
Mister Monkey wasn't happy with what his friend was saying, but he understood. Their time together had been good, but Ban's end had come. And so, with tears in his eyes, he ate his friend.
"I'll never forget you, Ban. You were the best friend I've ever had."
That night, as he was going to bed, he thought he felt a brush of air against his arm, but figured it was just a draft. Time to repair some of the old holes in the walls, he supposed. However, when he awoke, it was in the arms of a ghostly yellow figure, a beautiful monkey with tears in her eyes. "Ed, I'm back! I came back for you!"
Ed hadn't realized that Ban was female, but was ecstatic to see her again, and as a member of his own species. They happily embraced, and then stayed together for the rest of their days, until they were both ghostly figures haunting the bay.