Author's Note: This was a one- act play written for a creative writing class. I apologize if the formatting is screwed up, I had to transfer it from PDF format… I had blocking sheets, but sadly I can't put those up on Fictonpress. Anyway, I had tons of fun writing it, so I hope that you like it! :]

Warriors In Walmart

Characters

Johnny: A 19 year old geek, dreamer,

and college student, who

works in the security room

at Walmart.

Laura: The bossy, controlling, day-

shift manager at Walmart.

This is the only job she

could get, but even so,

she still takes it very

seriously.

Neil: The Walmart janitor who

creates a time machine in

the janitor's closet.

Liz: The 17 year old sister of

Joanie and Gina, on a mission

to get the costume parts for

her sister's costumes.

Gina: Twin of Joanie, younger

sister of Liz. A HUGE 'Star

Trek' fan that embraces

whatever comes her way. Quiet

at first, but ambitious about

adventure.

Joanie: Twin of Gina, younger sister

of Liz. She is more logical

and doesn't really see

the point of fighting the

soldiers.

Horus (Soldier #1): The leader of the Roman

soldiers. Fairly smart.

Harold (Solider #2): The muscle of the Roman

soldiers. Not the smartest.

Ra (Soldier #3): The comic relief of the Roman

soldiers.

Shoplifter: Self explanatory. Shoplifts

twice (once at the beginning,

once at the end).

ACT I

Scene 1

On down stage left, JOHNNY, a 19 year old college student is sitting down in a swivel chair inside a security camera room. He is learning back in the chair and his feet are propped up on the desk in front of him. He is wearing a standard employee headset with a microphone. Several monitors are showing different images of Walmart customers adventuring through the store.

JOHNNY

(In a mock narrators voice)

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy, not so very far away, security camera watcher, Johnny Miller, watches the footage of the Parade Street Walmart customers. He's been preparing for this day his entire life. Today, is (dramatic pause) Halloween. Shoppers run around trying to buy last minute costumes and candy, and ask if shopping attendants or my manager, Laura, know where something is, even though they clearly don't, because customers have thrown items around and the items have clearly not been put back in to place. Yes, Johnny Miller is ready to call the security guards, if anyone tries to shoplift from this--

(Headset crackles)

Scene 2

In Walmart, which is set up for Halloween, LAURA, the day manager, is chasing down a SHOPLIFTER.

LAURA

To JOHNNY on her employee headset.

Johnny!

To the shoplifter she sees stealing

Stop right there, Mister, I saw you steal that Snickers Bar!

(Chases the shoplifter and hits the 'talk' button on her headset.)

JOHNNY

(Johnny jumps in his chair) Uh-- uh-- yes, ma'am- I mean- uh- uh- Laura?

LAURA

We have a Code Red.

JOHNNY

In his mock narrator's voice, not realizing he's still holding the 'talk' button down

Roger that, sending special forces in.

LAURA

Pardon?

JOHNNY

Back in his 'normal' voice.

Uh-umm- yes ma'am. Calling in security.

Scene 3

NEIL is sweeping the floors, ranting. Behind him is an unlabeled metal door, that when opened, shows a time machine- like device around the edges of the door)

NEIL

I'll show the science league, just you watch. No one believes that I could invent a machine that defies the space- time continuum. Just they watch... they'll see. I'll show them.

NEIL opens the metal door and hanging from the door frame are silver streamers, that the audience can't see through to the other side of. HORUS, HAROLD, and RA, come out of the door, in that order, looking confused. All three have thick, Ancient Roman accents.

RA (WARRIOR #3)

With confusion, but with respect to his commander, HORUS.

Where are we, Centurio Horus?

HAROLD (ROMAN WARRIOR #2)

(Pouting, but still polite)

Certe. ("Yes" in Latin)

HORUS (ROMAN WARRIOR #1)

Trying to lead his "troops", but with some uncertainty.

Some sort of basement hut, with unusually hard floors, I think.

HAROLD (ROMAN WARRIOR #2)

They are very hard...

RA (WARRIOR #3)

Spotting a mop

And what is that stick, with knotted cloth?

HORUS (ROMAN WARRIOR #1)

I think it is a...

NEIL

Wide- eyed, smiling with pride and in awe. He starts to laugh evilly and chuckle, very loudly.

All three Roman Warriors turn their heads with practiced skill, towards NEIL.

HORUS (ROMAN WARRIOR #1)

With surprise

Only one guard?

There is a beat, then he speaks with a mocking tone.

How pathetic.

HAROLD (ROMAN WARRIOR #2)

Certe!

HORUS (ROMAN WARRIOR #1)

And his clothes! How...

With disgust

hideous!

HAROLD (ROMAN WARRIOR #2)

Certe!

RA (WARRIOR #3)

Downsizes NEIL

And no sword, or whip?

Beat.

Peasant! What be you're name?

HORUS (ROMAN WARRIOR #1)

Reaches over, grabs the mop, and knocks NEIL on the head with it, knocking the American out.

The three soldiers exit stage right.

Scene 4

HORUS, HAROLD, and RA, in that order, wander out of the Janitor's Closet and in to the main part of the Walmart Store. They have their backs pressed to shelf on stage left, so no one in the store can see them. HORUS gives the two the signal to follow him around the shelf. Following HORUS, they freeze in awe as they walk in to Walmart.

Scene 5

17 year old LIZ and her 9 year old twin sisters, GINA and JOANIE, walk in front of the barriers from aisle 3 and in to aisle 2. JOANIE is in a "Star Wars" costume and JOANIE is in a "Harry Potter" one. They pass LAURA, who is stocking food and random house hold items on the side of aisle 2 closest to aisle 2.

LIZ

Excuse me?

LAURA

Laura turns around and is now facing the audience and the sisters, who have their backs to the divider that divides aisles 1 and 2.

Yes, how can I help you?

LIZ

I was wondering if you could tell me where the costumes are?

GINA

Almost interrupts her sister, but doesn't.

Because I'm going to be Spock

Signals to the "Spock" costume she is wearing

'Xcept everyone is out of Vulcan ears!! _

JOANIE

And I'm going to be Hermione, but everyone's out of Gryffindor ties! _

Signals to the "Hermione" costume that she is wearing.

LAURA

With politeness, but she doesn't quite get what GINA and JOANIE just said.

No problem.

Tries to put on a smile, so she seems less intimidating and more "customer friendly.

Aisle one, girls.

GINA

To LAURA and in a stage- whisper, like it's a secret.

Star Trek is cooler!

JOANIE

Also to LAURA and in a stage- whisper, like it's a secret.

Nu- uh! Harry Potter is!

GINA

Half to LAURA, half to JOANIE.

Spock's way cooler!

JOANIE

HALF to LAURA, half to GINA.

Nu- uh, Harry is!

GINA

To JOANIE.

Spock!

Joanie

To GINA.

Harry!

GINA

Spock!

JOANIE

Harry!

Meanwhile, HAROLD, HORUS, and RA, walk behind aisle 3 and into aisle 2. they stop so that they are full- front to the audience.

HORUS (ROMAN WARRIOR #1)

Commoner!

Liz

Surprised and with sass

You talking to me?

HORUS (ROMAN WARRIOR #1)

Where are we!?

LIZ

Kind of annoyed by the soldiers' ignorance, as she assumes they're drunks or overgrown men.

Walmart...?

GINA AND JOANIE

Not missing a beat

Doy!

HORUS (ROMAN WARRIOR #1)

And where is this Wall- Mart located?

Liz

Erie, Pennsylvania...?

HORUS (ROMAN WARRIOR #1)

Right.

Pretends to laugh. Then scowls.

No, I'm therious.

Beat

If you don't tell me, I will slay you!

Reaches for his sword, only to find that it is not there. The other two soldiers reach, to find that their swords are not there, either. They are confused.

GINA

Tugs on Liz's shirt, and in a whisper, speaks.

Their outfits are really cool!

JOANIE

Do you think they would let us touch them?!

GINA

Shrugs.

JOANIE

To Horus

I like your costume.

HORUS (ROMAN WARRIOR #1)

Offended

Costhume?! This is NOT a costhume, this is my unithorm!

joanie

Giggles

Sorry, teacher.

HAROLD (ROMAN WARRIOR #2)

Theather?

GINA

Teach-er. A pro-fess-or.

HAROLD

Offended.

I'm not shtupid! I--

HORUS

Trying to take control of the situation.

You'll have to exshoes the Foeda.

HAROLD

Sporadically and with all seriousness

Let's storm Walmart!!

HORUS

To Laura in a demanding voice.

Woman, where is your arsenal?

LAURA

In a factual voice, rather ignorant to who the men are or what they doing, not really noticing that they are not the usual sort of customer.

Phasers and light sabers are in aisle one, sir.

Adds for a courtesy effect

Happy Halloween!

Scene 6

Johnny is sitting with his feet propped up on the desk in front of him. He has two 'Star Wars' action figures in his hands. In a 'Han Solo' like voice, he says:

JohNny

"Look, Your Worshipfulness, let's get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person: me."

In a girl, 'Leia' like, voice.

"It's a wonder you're still alive."

A loud crackling noise catches Johnny's attention. Johnny glances up at the cameras, then back down, but he registers that something is wrong. He notices that one of the cameras is blacked out.

Of course one of the ships cameras is out! Who decided to take them out this time!?

JOHNNY runs to the Janitor's closet to go see what's wrong. He sees NEIL lying unconscious on the floor. He shakes the older man.

JOHNNY

Dude?

He shakes NEIL again, but harder this time.

Dude?

In a high, nervous voice.

Dude?

To himself

Please be alive!

In a loud, very dramatic voice voice, as he shakes the older man.

PLEASE BE ALIVE!

JOHNNY reaches for his pocket for the headset box attached to his beltloop. He reaches his hand out in front of him, as a last result, and in a "Jedi- command- voice" says:

Wake up, young Jedi.

NEIL

In a hoarse voice.

They... got... out... of...time...

Cough violently.

Time. Machine. Roman...

JOHNNY

He speaks with a kindly voice, although he is a bit confused.

Okay, back up, buddy.

NEIL

Coughs violently, but them begins despite doing so. He speaks low and with a stutter and frequently gaps for air.

I... I... wanted to see if I could... c-create a time mm-machine. I g-got a j-job here, so I c-could have access to supplies and a p-place. I-I d-didn't mean for it to... to... work. B-but t-three men came o-out. I-I think th- the year- year meter s-said y-year eight- eight- eighteen. Help- help g-get them b-back.

JOHNNY

Bows head.

Yes, Wise Master Yoda.

NEIL

M-make sure t-they get h-here and I-I'll have the m-machine w-wor-k-king.

JOHNNYs

Yes, Wise Master.

Scene 8

JOANIE, GINA, and LIZ are looking through aisle one, looking for the costume pieces they need. Slowly, HORUS, HAROLD, and RA, are wandering through the store.

JOANIE

Liz-zie! Sid you find any scarfs that would work?

Liz

Not yet.

GINA

Did you find Spock ears?

LIZ

With just a tad of annoyance

Not yet.

HORUS, HAROLD, and RA, walk up to them. They are further stage right than LIZ, GINA, and JOANIE.

HAROLD

They really need to thrange their numbering thystem! I couldn't find recognizable thumbers anywhere!

HORUS

To Liz, Joanie, and Gina

Peasant! Where did you say the arsenal was?!

GINA

Points to the lightsabers on a rack far stage right, almost connected to Johnny's monitor room.

There's lightsabers right over there.

The Romans are confused.

JOANIE

Feels the need to explain. She understands that they're not from Erie...

The ones with the gray handles and green or red or blue or clear ...

GINA

Changes the subject

Where you guys from anyway... Ancient Greece or something?

HORUS

Clearly insulted

Rome! We are from Rome!

RA (WARRIOR #3)

Who do you think you are, peasant?!

JOHNNY appears behind the roman soldiers, so that the girls can see him, though it's not obvious. He looks through costumes on the rack, settling for a silly costume of a Roman King.

GINA

I am Gina of Erie, though I'm really from really from Vulcania. That's where my boyfriend Spock's from...

LIZ

Quietly, and in a warning tone.

Gina...

HORUS

Well Gina of Erie... friend of Spock. You have disobeyed my commands and therefore, you must--

HORUS reaches for his sword, but then realizes/ remembers that it is not there. JOANIE reaches for a lightsaber, and hands one to GINA, and then gets one for herself.

GINA

Tell you what, Mister, um, Horus, I'll challenge you to a lightsaber duel.

HORUS

You're on.

GINA tosses the closed lightsaber to HORUS, while JOANIE passes her lightsaber to GINA. GINA swishes the sword so it opens. Horus tries and fails once, twice, and finally on his third time, succeeds. The two begin to duel.

GINA

Good thing I take fencing!

HORUS

Good thing I'm a warrior.

HORUS is fencing somewhat better than GINA, when JOHNNY appears between them, facing the audience (the HORUS and GINA are side- profiling the audience).

JOHNNY

Stop right there!

HORUS and GINA stop their fighting.

As your... governor... and... and I command you to... to... follow me!

HORUS

Sir, where are we going? I would like to be prepared!

JOHNNY

You forgot your... sword... in my... chambers.

HORUS

Horus bows

I am sorry, sir!

Liz

Gina, Mom will KILL me if I get you guys hurt. Those men obviously have issues. PLEASE don't pick a fight with them again...

JOHNNY grabs a lightsaber, then walks backwards as HORUS, HAROLD, and RA follow him to the Janitor's closet.

Scene 9

NEIL opens the door to the time machine. He is hitting buttons on the "control panel" with one hand, the sword HORUS dropped earlier, is in his other hand.

HORUS

And why are you awake!?

NEIL

Nervous, yet in awe that his experiment actually worked.

I am- I am- I am

HORUS

Notices that his sword is near NEIL

I thought I knocked you out!

NEIL

I- uh- I- uh- was- uh-

HORUS

Horus stretched out his arm, light saber in hand

Tell me thor I will sthlay you with this light-thaber, thing!

NEIl

I- um- I- I-

GINA and JOANIE take to both sides of NEIL, their lightsabers drawn.

JOANIE

Or what, Voldemort?!

GINA lunges towards Horus with her lightsaber, who in return blocks her attack. They begin to fight as they talk.

HORUS

Vol-de-who?

GINA lunges towards HORUS, who blocks her strike with his own light saber. Then JOANIE tries to attack and her shot is blocked by HORUS.

Meanwhile, the time machine door is opened, so that the door swings in. GINA and JOANIE attack HORUS at the same time, pushing him back and through the door. HAROLD and RA raise their arms to fight, but LIZ crosses her arms and glares at them. They freak out and run through the door.

Scene 10

LAURA and the SHOPLIFTER are now is aisle two. The SHOPLIFTER has tried to put a random item in their coat and LIZ sees their attempt.

LAURA

Johnny!

JOHNNY

Johnny is back in the Janitor's closet.

Uh... yes, ma'am- Laura?

LAURA

Back in aisle two, LAURA grabs the SHOPLIFTER'S sleeve.

Call in security security ASAP!

JOHNNY

Back in the Janitor's closet.

Yes... um...

JOHNNY exits.

In the Janitor's Closet, NEIL, GINA, JOANIE, and LIZ are all standing. GINA and JOANIE look at each other.

GINA

That...

JOANIE

Was..

GINA

Totally...

GINA AND JOANIE

Awesome!!

Beat.

Liz

I need to cut back on the Starbucks...

Scene 11

JOHNNY is sitting in a swivel chair, facing away from the audience. He swivels around to face the audience, then begins to monologue in a "narrator's voice".

JOHNNY

And so, very, very recently, in a space- time continuum, in a galaxy very, very close, a boy named JOHNNY MILLER helped helped save the day from massive amounts of chaos and insanity, after the confused and misunderstood Parade Street Walmart Janitor, Neil, accidentally brought three Roman soldiers through his time machine and they got released into Walmart. With the help of three girls and a Janitor who was brought to the good side, Johnny Solo was able to help save the day by pretending to be a roman king and luring the soldiers to the Janitor's layer. Thus making today, the most... epic... day... EVER. :D

The... End...

Fade to black.