Life

Sometimes, I lay in bed for hours, awake, just thinking. I think and think and think until I can feel my stomach knot and my breathing get harder. Then, after I've turned on all the lights available, I sit in bed, with my head in my hands, just repeating "Don't think, don't think, don't think, and it will all be fine."

I used to scoff at the person who said ignorance was bliss. After all, who would want to be ignorant, when you could understand the things around you with perfect clarity? Now, when I look at the world around myself with fearful eyes, I can't help but bite my lip and wish I had realized the wisdom behind those words sooner.

I listen to the people surrounding me complain about trivial things. Things I used to care about, things I used to complain about too. Things I still care about. Things I should care about in any case. I don't. I wonder if there's something wrong with me then. I pretend to be okay though. After all, I can't let other people know, even if there is something different about me.

I walk from day to day to day, smiling and acting normal. I wonder if anyone out there can see through all my pretending. It's easy to push away unneeded thoughts around other people and act like nothing is wrong. When I'm alone though, I curse and rage and cry out at the hopelessness, and wish someone would simply just understand.

A/N: I suppose I'm feeling a bit down today.