Two Canaries in a Coal Mine
I drove by his house everyday and his car was never in the driveway, until today. There was the vehicle parked neatly to one side of the two car wide paved area. After I noticed the car I saw the front door open, making my heart speed up. I turned around and drove in next to his car and parked. Then I sat there looking around. I'm not sure what more I was looking for, some sign from above? He was at home and that is all I needed to know.
I opened the car door and stood up. My heart pounding so loudly that I felt I was moving with the beat. Each step was matched with the marching beat. The sound flooded my ears. I neither heard another car or even a song bird. I walked up to the door. The faint smell of soap came out and greeted me. He was doing some laundry. As I stood waiting for, still I'm not sure ,what to happen he walked down the stairs and into my view. Of course, I went into his view too. Our eyes locked, our expressions serious for a moment. Then he smiled that glorious sunshine welcome and I could not stop myself from smiling back if you were going to hand me a million dollars not to smile. He opened the screen door and made a sweeping gesture for me to enter.
"What a nice surprise! Come in, come in. " he said. Then he turned his attention to being more theatrical.
"Welcome, to the house made of candy, little girl." said in the voice of a little old witch ala Hansel and Gretel as he bent around my shoulder and talked quietly in my ear.
"Is it really all made of candy?" I answer.
"It is, try anything you'd like m'dear. It is all very delicious." he said while staying in character, now hunched over and pointing to the picture on the wall.
"Anything?" I said in amazement.
"Oh, yes, please, I insist." he said while we walked into the living room.
"Then I'll try this." I said as I turned on my heels and faced my hunched host. I took his face between my hands to have a steady target and stepped in and pressed my lips on his and stayed there. The kiss was light and chaste, but it was still a kiss on the lips and there was only one reason for that, I loved him. I never told him and maybe I should have told him before accosting him in my own way, but I never knew how to tell him.
You see, I once told him some dark and personal secrets and I don't think they impressed him much. I wasn't trying to impress him like Ooo, look at me, I wanted to show him that I trusted him with my most guarded secrets. If I trusted him, then I was trying to show that I loved him. But it came out all wrong and I don't event think he thought the secrets were worth much, let alone, that I never told another living soul these less then news worthy items. Basically, the whole conversation ended as he told me we were friends, good friends, but maybe if I needed to get some things off my chest I should seek out a therapist.
I was shattered. I either scared him or bored him, both were awful. I loved him and never having been in love before I didn't know what to do, though I'm not sure even if I had been in love before I would have learned how to handle this mess I made. Me and all my let me be truthful, when will I learn no one cares. Isn't that why people go the psychologists? No one else really cares to listen, except those you pay. Everyone has problems. Then I spiraled down into a depression. I hung around as a friend, keeping guard on my secret torment. Still, it was good to have a friend, a handsome and flirtatious one at that.
Then the flirting changed and became more bold on his part over time and I felt confused. Was he wanting me to make the first move or was I just delusional? He told me he was just my friend, a very good friend. I felt like banging my head against something rock hard. I felt like I should make a move. What would happen if I did say or do something suggesting I wanted to be more then friends – again?
All I could picture was this look he has, this 'Can you be serious?' look. And then he would say, 'I told you before I am JUST a friend, alright? If you feel this strongly, maybe you should stay away, leave me alone. Just move on.' Then he would think I am crazy, and well, I think it, so he may not be so far off track.
Now, here I was, not ever having kissed a guy before in my life. I was kissing him and he was not pushing me away. My eyes closed early in the kiss and I was afraid to open them. I just held his face and kissed. Both of us started breathing harder through our noses against our cheeks. Then I felt his arms around my back and his posture changed and we still did not break our kiss. Our first kiss together, maybe our only kiss. My first kiss ever and it was electric. Don't stop, please don't stop! I begged inside my head.
I pressed my lips harder as I moved my hands to his strong shoulders. I had to swallow, where is all this saliva coming from? I start to chuckle. I can't help it, I have to swallow again. Is this some weird nervous habit? A picture comes to mind from South Park of the kid who is in love with Wendy and he throws up whenever he is around her. Great! I think I'm going to have a panic attack now. Deep breath in through my nose.
When I inhale deeply, he moans. He pulls me in tighter and I feel his tongue against my lips. I swallow and open my eyes to peak. His eyes are closed, and from what little I can see there is a crease by his brow and it shows an urgent expression. It was such a turn on that I forgot everything. I forgot my feelings like I was drowning in my own fear. All the voices turned off within my head. I opened my mouth and our tongues touched, explored, ignited our passion. After a few minutes he pulled away. I squeaked when he did.
"Oh, did I hurt you?" he asked, concern all over his face and he reached up to brush his palm to my cheek.
"No" I whispered.
"I , I don't want to stop." I said.
"Where is this coming from?" he asked. "I love it, don't get me wrong. But what changed? What happened?" he asked
"You said I could taste whatever I wanted, remember?" I said as I batted my eyes to be funny. We were both practically panting.
"Have any peppermint sticks?" I added.
"Come here, you're a minx, do you know that?" he said as he pulled me close.
We started kissing again.
I don't know if this should continue or if it is stupid. No, I have not had a real first kiss, so this is all just my imagination.