Un-Frequently Asked Questions
So, I'm not the only weird person around! I've heard people asking the STRANGEST questions. Here are some of them, and I've provided answers, for your own enjoyment.
Q: Why can't I throw my cigarette butts on the ground?
A: The answer is, that the fish crawl up on land every night. We don't want them smoking, dang it! We're TRYING to get them to stop, but every time they see a butt, they just HAVE to go for a smoke.
Q: Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
A: Yeah, totally. This year, actually. His name is Kevington.
Q: What turns you on?
A: Hm, well, I don't really understand this...because, I'm typing stories and everything. I'm PRETTY SURE that I'm already on, there's no, like, on button on me. I've come to the conclusion that I am 'on' when I'm awake, and 'off' when I'm sleeping. So, what turns me on? My alarm clock!
Q: Are you on any drugs?
A: Dude, that's not cool, man....
Q: What's your favourite dinosaur?
A: The thesaurus, of course!
Q: Why are sporks so awesome?
A: Because they just are. I mean, it's like a fork and a spoon had a kid.
Q: Do you like cheese?
A: Of course, cheese is only the most amazing thing ever.
Q: Do you have any thing against gays?
A: No, why do you think my favourite character on Glee is Kurt?
Q: Are you insane?
A: Yes, I am. Wanna make something of it?
Q: Will pigs ever fly?
A: Yes. Believe me, I know these things...plus, Swine Flew
Q: What's the longest you've gone without taking a bath?
A: Actually I haven't taken a bath in a few years. If we were talking about SHOWERS...
Q: Is Santa real?
A: Is your face real?
Q: Why does Goofy stand on two feet, when Pluto is stuck on all fours?
A: Because if Pluto stood up, Mickey and Minnie would be his pet mice. Plus, he can't talk.
Q: Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?
A: I've been asking that question for years.
Q: Are you a smurf?
A: Yes I am.
Q: What about a ninja?
A: What about a ninja?
Q: And a pirate?
A: Um, sure...although I don't know why you'd want to set up a date for a smurf, a ninja and a pirate...
Q: Why aren't blue berries blue?
A: Why isn't Greenland green?
Q: Why isn't 11 pronounced "onety-one"?
A: Because then you'd be leaving poor eleven out in the cold. You don't want that, do you?
Q: You can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed, but why can't you be simply whelmed?
A: Because whelmed is a strange word.
Q: Shouldn't the opposite of shut up be shut down?
A: No, because then, the opposite of "Shut down the generator" would be "Shut up the generator"
Q: Was Michael Jackson thinking of zebras when he wrote the song, "Black or White"?
A: Was Justin Bieber actually thinking of a baby when he wrote "Baby"?
Q: Why is the 'fear of long words' such a long word?
A: Because SOMETIMES people can ONLY think of themselves.
So, that's the end. I hope I answered some of your un-frequently asked questions! And also a shout out to Juniper Rhose for their inspiring words "Swine Flew"