If people truly understood human nature, then maybe there wouldn't be so much hate in this world. The best example of human nature is in small children, they are so carefree and outgoing, and don't care what others think of them. Children do not hate, until they reach the inevitable preteen years. I always think to myself 'I am only one person, what difference can I make?' If we all thought like that, nothing would get done in the world. Everyday there are heroes that go out of their way to motivate others, but do they ever get recognition for their hard work, and their optimistic views? I gave up my optimism after so many years of others putting me down, and lowering my self-esteem bit by bit. I have worked hard throughout my life, and not once until this year, have I lost any self-esteem. I still keep up the charade to my high school friends, for they have always known me as the girl who would be there to put smiles on faces. I have been told by many teachers and colleagues that I am never seen without a smile on my face, and that my joy spreads like a virus across groups. And yet, if I can spread joy onto others, why can't I feel the same joy, why can't I even find someone who can be considered a close friend? Why, if people tell me that I am optimistic and outgoing, can I not even grab the attention of guys? I know that I am not ugly, I have been told when I was a few years younger, that I had that face of a model, that I was very beautiful, and yet I still can't find anybody to love me. In the past year I have given up, I gained 50 pounds from overeating, caused by stress, but mostly caused by me not even caring anymore. I give up. I surrender. Take me away.