Chapter 2: Moving Right Along
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."
Of course I had to think about it. I felt like it had come out of nowhere. Of course that might mean I was exceedingly unobservant, but that's beside the point. What was I going to do? I literally had no idea what my answer would be. I was kind of stuck. I mean, Marco was my best friend! I didn't want to hurt him. But I didn't know what to do. So I decided to do pros and cons.
Pro: He's a good guy who really likes me
Con: I'm not sure if I like enough that way to go out with him.
Pro: He knows everything about me
Con: He knows everything about me.
Pro: People think we should go out
Con: I don't want to do want people think I should do.
Pro: He's my best friend
Con: I don't want to ruin our friendship.
So I guess I had come to my decision. I don't know if it was because of the Pro/Con list, or because I was afraid but I think it was probably a little bit of both. I was afraid that if it ended badly things wouldn't be the same and we wouldn't be best friends anymore. I don't think I would have been able to deal with that. Yeah I guess I was being a chicken. I'm not sure if I regret it or not, considering how things turned out in the end. Well, the end of this story, not my story. Because my story isn't over yet. Not as long as I still live.
Now all I had to do is figure out how to tell Marco of my decision. I wasn't sure what I should say because I really didn't want to hurt him. But he was my friend. So I figured I just had to tell him. But even though I made my decision, it didn't mean I wasn't beating myself up over it. So Sunday night while I was trying to sleep, I kept going back and forth over my pro/con list and trying to figure out how to tell him.
Now at the time, Marco had crutches, from getting hurt playing basketball. The only reason I have to tell you this is because we were in the elevator going to class when I told him. My hands were shaking and I told myself "Just tell him you chicken." So I took a deep breath and said, "Marco I don't really know how to say this."
Marco said "All you have to do is say no." Darn, he knew me too well.
So I said "I'm sorry but you're more like a brother to me."
And I figured that would be the end of it. Boy was I wrong. But I'll get back to that later.
So after that we only had about a month left of school. Everybody was getting anxious for it to just end. Finally it was the last day of finals. I had two that day. I don't remember which ones they were. It was three years ago. And then the bell rang. Sophomore year was over!