A story of a boy whos blind and his deaf sister. Its very good and pretty long but worth it in the end. There is some God refrences, basically, God exists in this story. If you don't believe in God, don't get offended by this. Reviews are love!

Lucas heard his alarm clock go off, effectively waking him from his dreamless sleep. He reached over to turn it off but his touched nothing but the cool wooden desk it was usually perched on. Someone had moved his alarm clock and now it wasn't were it was supposed to be. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, searching for the floor. When he felt the carpet underneath him he stood up. His head turned left and right as he tried to decide which direction the beeping was coming from.

'Left.' he told himself and then he made his way towards his left thinking it was probably under a pile of clothes since its beeping sounded muffled. He could also hear his family moving around downstairs as they set the plates down for breakfast. His foot touched a soft cloth, which he took to be a shirt, and he lifted it up. The beeping grew louder and his hand came down on a cool and smooth surface. His finger slid down the side of the alarm clock until he found the row of buttons.

'One, two, three, four, five.' he counted in his head until he got to the fifth button which he clicked, causing the beeping to stop cold. He sighed and then stood up. He yawned and stretched his arms above his head, then lightly scratched at his ruffled black hair. Then he rubbed his green eyes in an attempt to wake himself up. He heard someone coming up the starirs and he waited until he heard a knock before going to answer it. When he opened it he waited for someone to talk since everyone in his family knew he wouldn't be able to see them.

But no one said anything. He felt a hand touch his arm lightly, and that is how he knew it was his twin sister Tammy. She grabbed his hand and started leading him down the stairs and he trusted her to safely guide him down.


When lunch time rolled around Lucas went to the cafeteria all by himself, no help at all. His parents wanted him to use a cane but he wouldn't humiliate himself like that. When he got to the cafeteria he leaned up against a wall and waited.

"Lucas!" It was Tammy's voice. Her voice was slightly slurred and odd, like it always was, which is why Tammy didn't like to talk much to anyone besides her good friends and her family. Lucas turned in the direction her voice came from and listened to her coming closer. It was true what they had said about blind people. It sharpens all your other senses. So Lucas guessed that Tammy most have exellent eye sight. It was weird.

He couldn't see, but had extrodinary hearing. Tammy couldn't hear anything, but had extrodinary eye sight. Tammy was older than Lucas by only fifteen minutes, but she acted so much more mature than that. Being born with their loses, the twins handled them in different ways. Tammy handled it very well, and didn't mind that she couldn't hear. She learned how to read lips and she was happy the way she was.

But Lucas wasn't. He got angry very easily and he couldn't stand the fact that God had made it so he couldn't see. The only one he didn't get angry around was Tammy, but that was because she was a calming presence to him.

"Hi Tammy." he said and she repeated it back to him. "Hi Lucas."

Tammy started walking towards the lunch line, knowing Lucas would be able to follow the sound of her footsteps. But she couldn't help herself, she kept looking over her shoulder to make sure that he was nearbye, hadn't gotten lost, and that he wasn't running into things. She knew that she and Lucas had been in this school long enough that he could lead himself around with out any help, knowing where everything was. But, there were some cruel kids that would sometimes move things around on purpose, just to freak him out.

When ever that happened her brother would get very angry and if he got ahold of whoever it was that had done it-sight or no sight-he was going fight them. Tammy was so worried about her younger sibling. He was always so angry and disappointed. She wanted to help but there was no way for her to give him his sight.

After they had eaten their food, they sat down in the courtyard. Lucas was looking at the ground, not caring if he couldn't see it or not at the moment. Sometimes, on rare occasions his anger would fade and he could be happy, thinking about music, something he really loved.

Then he felt Tammy tense beside him and that could only mean one thing. Someone he didn't like was nearbye.

"Wow!" he heard Andrew Rice suddenly shout. "Thats such an awesome sign! I mean, look at all those awesome colors! Right Lucas? I mean, just look at em! Arn't they fantastic?"

He heard snickering around him and Tammy, who had had read Andrew's lips as he had spoken grasped Lucas's hand tightly. Lucas other hand curled into a fist and he stood up and readied to throw himself at Andrew, but Tammy gasped, "No!" and pulled him back down.

He growled angirly and yanked his hand out of his sisters before marching off in the opposite direction. He could hear Tammy following behind him faithfully. Then he heard laughing again and Andrew shouted, "Hey! Lets all sing a song! A really pretty song! Hey Tammy, what song would you like to hear?"

Luckily, Tammy hadn't been facing him so the cruel joke was lost on her. But it was not lost on her brother. He clenched his teeth together as whispered comments of, "Your making him angry," and "Dude, maybe you should stop, its not that funny," started rolling around.

Lucas whiped around and glared feircly in the direction he knew Andrew was in.

"What?" Andrew laughed. "What are you planning on doing? Good luck trying to find me!"

But Lucas already had. The whole time Andrew had been speaking he had been pin-pointing his exact location and had been making his way toward him. When he was close enough, he launched himself at the other boy.

Andrew cried out in suprise as Lucas's hands wrapped around his neck with deadly intentions. "Hey! Get off!" Andrew shouted but Lucas started to tighten his grip and Andrew's air was cut off quite suddenly. He started gasping and wheezing as he attempted to get Lucas off his chest but Lucas was not going to budge.

Tammy was screaming in a panic, shouting, "Lucas get off! Get off Lucas!"

Other kids were screaming too, things like, "Oh my God! Somebody help!," because Andrew was starting to turn blue. Finally the security team reached them, after pushing past the large mass of teenagers. The grabbed onto Lucas and ripped him off of Andrew. But Lucas was still keyed up and he turned his blind fury(-.- wow I did not even do that on purpose) on the gaurds. He lifted his hands and scratched them down the gaurd's face. The gaurd holding him hissed in pain and his partner quickly seized Lucas's hands.

Lucas howled in frustration and started kicking madly, nailing both gaurds. One in the chest, one...right were in counts. Tammy was still shouting, telling him to calm down and she pushed past the teens watching and wrenched one of Lucas's hands out of the gaurds grip. She grabbed on and squeezed tightly and the whole courtyard watched in awe as he immediately calmed down.

"Tammy?" he asked, and his voice sounded stricken with panic and fear. And no one had ever heard that from him. To some it was patetic. To some it was heart-warming. To others, it was just plain heart-breaking.

"Yes. Yes Tammy." Tammy gasped, to scared to make full sentences. "Calm down. Please calm Lucas."

Lucas was already calmed down but he nodded anyway and the gaurds lowered him to the ground, even though the one that he had kicked in the coconuts looked more like he wanted to chuck him over a bridge.


Later that day, Lucas was laying in his bed, his Ipod on full blast, his eyes shut to help him concentrate on the sound. If he had his eyes open he would only concentrate on the fact that he couldn't see. Plus when he had his eyes shut, he could pretend that he couldn't see only because they wearn't open . That when he opened them, sight would flood his eyes and brain and his entire being.

The song was calming him down effectively and his thoughts did not once turn to that lunch period in school. He had been suspended for a week and Andrew had only gotten two days detention. Luckily, Tammy had gotten nothing.

When the song ended he played another. And another and another and another until he was lost in his own world. A world with nothing but him and music. This time when the song ended, he picked up his guitar and started to play it, strumming carelessly, doing nothing but calming his heart and making wonderful noise. He was calm. He was at peace. He was happy.

Then there was a knock on his door.

Lucas got up to answer it but when his hand reached for where the doorknow was he felt nothing but cool wood. He clenched his teeth in anger.

'I missed the freakin doorknob!' he told himself and he could feel his anger and hate coming back to get him, like an old friend. After all his time living here, he had missed the freakin doorknob of all things! The knock repeated and he shouted angirly, "HOLD ON!"

But the knock came again so he knew it was Tammy. He slid his hand a few centimeters up and his hand touched the cold brass knob. But he was already angry and he flung the door open with so much force that he had to propell himself backwards to avoid being hit with it.

"What?!" he shouted and he heard Tammy gasp in suprise. "What do you want? To come up here and tell me everythings okay?! To come up here and make me feel like a freakin five year old throwing a stupid tantrum?! To come up here with your, holier-than-thou additude and say that the Lord make me this way for a freakin purpose?!"

Tammy was silent and Lucas growled at her patience and calmness.

"Well its not gonna work you deaf freak! I don't need your help!"

Tammy gasped again and he heard her sniffle as he said the words,"deaf freak." He had made her cry.

Lucas pushed past her and practically flew down the stairs in his hurry to get out of the house. His parents watched in alarm as he ran out the front door and into the city.

"Lucas! Where are you going?! Come back!"

"Honey we have to get him! He could be killed!"

Five milliseconds later Tammy was down the stair too and she charged out the door with purpose coming off of her like a waterfall. But her parents quickly ran after her.

"No Tammy, stay here! We'll get him!"

They closed the door behind them and got into the car and sped off after their son. But Tammy was not going to be put down so easily and she went after them the second they turned the corner.

Lucas didn't know where he was going. He didn't know where he was. For a while he had just tried to follow his memory of where things were when he went into town with his parents or friends but after a short while he had absolutely no idea where he was going.

He refused to put his hands in front of him though so he kept running into things, people, lamps, mailboxes, buildings. He had pulled the sunglasses he always kept in his pocket out and put them on, so that people couldn't tell he was blind. But he kept going in a straight, not caring where he went as long as wherever it was was a place where he could see. He was lucky he hadn't run into the street yet but eventually that luck ran out. He suddenly heard the squealing of a car and people screaming. He crouched down on the ground and covered his head. The car rolled to a stop centimeters from his head.

He heard a car door slam as a man got out. "Are you okay?" the man asked, bending down to help him stand up. "Kid what were you doing walking into a busy street like that?"

"I didn't know." Lucas whispered helplessly, shaken from the ordeal.

"What do you mean you didn't know? What are you, blind?" the man sounded scared and angry at the same time and Lucas growled in frustration.

"Yes I am." he hissed and he felt the man recoil in suprise. But Lucas pushed away from him before he could do anything and kept running.

Tammy had no idea where she would find her brother. He she had checked everywhere she thought he would go but so far she had no luck.

Then she saw a man shouting at a boy in the middle of a street. She smiled. Yes! It was Lucas! He was pushing away from the man and started running again.

"Lucas!" she shouted and she saw his body twitch in suprise. He started to run faster. "Lucas stop! You're going to hurt yourself!"

But he didn't stop running. She followed him for a long time until they were passed the city limits and the buildings and cars were starting to come in less numbers. She knew that soon they would reach the forest that bordered their city.

"Lucas!" she yelled, but her brother was in his own world. She was suprised at the amount of stamina his body seemed to hold. She was sweating and panting and her side hurt but he didn't seem to be breaking a sweat. She figured that was because of his determination.

Lucas could hear Tammy behind him and he was starting to grow worried that she would never go away. He could hear water running nearbye so he knew that he was close to the river. Which meant that he was now in the forest. He kept running, focusing on finding the river. It was almost half an hour later that he started to slow down. Then he hit a tree.

He hit the ground harsly and he heard Tammy scream his name again.

He groaned in pain and rubbed his face gingerly, checking for any serious wounds. All he felt were some scratches that didn't feel to serious. "Go away." he mumbled at Tammy, who by now was standing over him.

"No. Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

Tammy reached down and pulled him to his feet. She looked up and down his body carefully, making sure not to miss anything. "Nothing to bad." she said and Lucas rolled his unseeing eyes.

"I told you I was okay."

"Can't be so sure. You might have a concussion or something."

"No. I'm fine."

Tammy sighed sadly and sat down on the soft grass, gently bringing her brother down with her. The river was right in front of them and she saw Lucas looking in its direction hopefully. He loved noise. Any noise that was gentle and beautiful, or any song, was magic to him. She thought maybe she'd like noise too if she knew what it sounded like.

'Which is worse?' she wondered. 'To not be able to hear things, or to not be able to see them?'

She knew that she enjoyed seeing things, it was what made her forget that she couldn't hear. But always seeing Lucas so happy when he was listening to music made her envious of him. She knew he must hate the fact that she could see when he couldn't, but at least he didn't have to suffer through seeing her enjoying colors and sight. She had to suffer through seeing HIM enjoy sound.

She didn't know what birds sounded like. She didn't know what water flowing sounded like. She didn't even know what her own family sounded like. But maybe it was worse for him, to not know what they looked like. To not know what anything looked like. She was upset when she thought of how much he suffered, she wanted to do what ever she could to ease his pain. Because thats what big sisters were for.

She looked up at the sky. The sun was gone and the stars were out. But they didn't offer to much light due to the clouds that were trying to cover them up.

"Its dark." she said. Lucas smiled sadly and she had to look hard to read what he was saying.

"Its always dark."

Tammy felt her heart catch in her chest. That was the saddest thing her brother had ever said in his whole entire life. She put a hand on his shoulder. "Its always quiet." she said back to him and he looked in her general direction.

"Your not missing much." he said. "Noise can be good, but mostly its a pain. People yelling, screaming, trains blaring in the middle of the night, gunshots. And you can get past that by learning how to lip read. Theres no alternate way for me to substitute sight. If I don't know what it looks like, thats the way its gonna be.

"Birds chirping, water running, people singing, the wind blowing, laughter. Those are the things I want to hear. But I never will." Tammy said, trying to make him understand that he was not alone in his suffering. But Lucas was set on outdoing her.

"The sun, the sky, clouds, stars, houses, grass, trees, animals, colors, books, boxes, the world, you, mom, dad, everything. Thats what I want to see." A pause. "But I can't."

And if Tammy could hear she would have heard the break in his voice. But she sensed it.

"Tammy?" Lucas said in a broken voice and Tammy could tell he was going to say things he wouldn't normally say by the expression on his face.

"Yes?"

"What color is your hair?" he asked and Tammy started in suprise. Why would it matter if she told him. He didn't wouldn't know what that looked like. But he wanted to know. He had never before asked questions like this in his life, never had he asked what color things were.

"Yellow. My hair is yellow."

"Your eyes?"

"Blue."

"My hair?"

"Black."

"My eyes?"

"Green."

Lucas buried his head in his knees and she felt his body rack with a sob. "I think we don't look alike then do we?" Tammy could tell he was saddened by the thought.

"No. Not really. But you look like your own person. There is no one who looks like you. You look like...like every color that was ever born." She didn't know how to describe that but that was what she thought. His thoughts, his emotions, his every move represented every color that there ever was and ever would be.

"What color is the sky?"

"Its blue too."

"Like your eyes?"

"Yes."

"The grass?"

"Green. Like your eyes."

"This tree?" he asked, touching a tree very lightly.

"Its trunk is brown. Its leaves are green."

"The sun?"

"Yellow."

"Like your hair?"

"Yes."

"The moon."

"White."

"White?"

"Yes."

"The night?"

"Black."

"Black? Is black a color."

"Yes, black is a color."

He shook his head. "No. Because I see black. And I don't see colors."

"They're different kinds of black."

"There are more than each kind of color?"

"Yes. Hundreds of thousands of each."

Tammy saw a tear roll down his cheek then and she decided that this was begining to take a wrong turn. So she asked, "What does music sound like?"

Lucas didn't know how to answer that. He took a moment to think. "That depends on the song. Some are soft and light. Are some of your colors soft and light?"

"Yes."

"Then it sounds like those colors come alive."

Colors come alive? It was the most beautiful thing Tammy had ever heard. Well, not heard, but...well...you know what I mean.

"But some songs are dark and angry. If you have those colors too then they sound like that."

Tammy couldn't think of any angry colors but she could think of an angry person. Which lead to her next question, "What does your voice sound like?"

"Like the saddest and most angry color there is. Like black, like nothing."

"Are you sure of that?" Tammy asked and she saw her brother smile, though it was getting harder to see his lips in the ever growing darkness.

"Yes."

"And what...does my voice sound like?"

"Like the most beautiful song in the whole wide world."

Tammy smiled brightly.

Lucas suddenly heard something that he had never heard before until today when he called his sister, his very best friend in the whole world, a deaf freak. She was crying.

"Whats wrong?" he asked her in shock, but she didn't answer so he figured that it was too dark for her to see his lips. He instantly wrapped his arms around her shoulders and rested his head against her shoulder. He squeezed her tightly. Now it was her turn to cry. For everything she would never have and for all the pain she too had suffered.

'How could I have been so blind (Again, wow)to her pain?' he wondered. But he knew deep down. Because he was so focused on his anger and his suffering that he had thought that she was the exact opposite. He had never asked her how she felt, and he never sat by her beside when she was suffering or angry.

'I'm a terrible brother.'

Then Tammy sobbed, "Thank you. For telling me that."

Lucas nodded even though he knew she couldn't see it with all the darkness. He couldn't see and she couldn't see. Which meant that they were stuck there for the night.

Lucas lay down on the grass and Tammy did too, using his stomach as her pillow. He shut his eyes. When he opened them again, he didn't know weather it was night or day.

"Tammy?" he asked, moving his hands around as he tried to find her. But he couldn't feel her and he couldn't hear her either. She was gone.

"Tammy!" he shouted, begining to panic. "Tammy where did you go?"

He could feel rain starting to fall down on him, but as he thought back, it had been falling down ever since he woke up and it was falling pretty hard.

"Tammy!" he shouted again, starting to run. But he tripped over a log almost instantly and fell back down, getting covered in mud and slime. He pulled himself up.

"Tammy!"

He started running again, but almost instanly ran into a tree again. And since he had been running pretty fast and the ground was slippery and wet he hit the tree with quite a lot of force. He groaned in pain and stumbled backwards, but didn't fall this time. He rubbed his nose painfully, and when he tried to move again his leg screamed in pain.

It wasn't broken but he could tell that it was twisted. He limped on, still calling his sisters name even though he knew she wouldn't hear it. He could now hear crickets chirping so he now new that it was still night.

'Where did she go?' he wondered angirly, his frustration begining to show through. But he was more worried than anything else.

He stumbled around for what felt like hours, tripping and slipping and sliding all around. He had no idea where he was going and he hoped that he didn't fall off a cliff or something. He was crying tears of frustration, gasping through his teeth because he didn't want to catch bugs in his mouth.

'What if she was kidnapped? Or hurt? What if she was dead?!'

Lucas knew he had been looking for hours. He slumped down onto the ground and started gasping for breath. He kept thinking about how it was over and how after everything that she had done for him now she was dead.

"God." he suddenly said, which was a word he had never said before. "God, if your actually there, if you actually exist, if you actually care, if there was ever a time a needed sight, now is it. Just until I find her. I could be going in FREAKIN CIRCLES!" he shouted, even angry at God. Then he took a deep breath, trying very hard to calm himself.

"Please." he tried again. "I need to see. I need to find her! She's gonna die!"

And then he was crying again, because when he looked around he still didn't see anything but nothing.

"Then atleast lead me to her." he whispered helplessly. "Please. I beg you."

Then he curled up on the ground and kept crying, letting the rain hit him and letting himself die. Because he knew that if he stayed out here in the rain and just lay there doing nothing then he would die.

He could feel the world dyeing around him, things fading, and he thought that he would never know what anything looked like. Not even his beloved sister.

"This way."

Lucas's head snapped up in suprise. "Whos there?" he asked, hoping it was someone who would help him find his sister. But the only answer back was, "This way Lucas. She's this way."

The voice was soft and loving, and deep and caring.

"G-God?" Lucas stammered.

"This way. Follow my voice."

Lucas stood up but when he took a step his leg contracted painfully and he fell back onto the ground. He groaned and tried again but with the same result. His body was too tired to move after running around all night and he hadn't eaten since breakfast the day before.

"I...I can't move!" he cried in frustration, and he felt tears stinging his eyes again. Then he felt arms wrap around him. The arms were warm and full of power. They seemed to come from all directions. He felt like something beautiful was inside him, like light was coming from him, like he was glowing. He felt alive. Suddenly he was on his feet. The arms moved away.

"This way."

Lucas limped slowly in the direction of the voice, following faithfully.

"How far?" he whispered, knowing the voice would hear him no matter how silent he was.

"This way."

"Okay."

He kept going, and every now and again the voice would repeat itself, letting him know where it was. Then it stopped. He kept calling out to it, but it was gone. So maybe he had reached his destination.

"Tammy!?" he shouted, hoping she could see him. But there was no response.

"I don't hear her! Where is she? I don't hear her!"

Lucas took a step and instantly pulled his foot back becuase there was no ground there. He got down on his knees and felt around. The ground just suddenly stopped.

"Its a cliff." he whispered to himself. "She's over the cliff? How do I help her? I don't know where she is!"

And he felt something warm in him suddenly, filling his entire body, like a blanket. And he blinked.

And he could see.

He actually screamed in suprise as everything he had ever wanted to see came into his vision. It was day time now, he could see that. The rain had stopped. He whirled around and looked up at the sky and he looked at the sun and his eyes burned. He looked at the ground, the grass, the trees. But then he remembered why God had granted him his sight. He looked over the cliff.

He gasped.

"Tammy!" he screamed. His sister was laying unconcious further down the cliff. She had obviously fallen down and was lucky enough that she had landed on a part of the cliff that was jutting away from the rest. Otherwise she would have just kept falling.

"Tammy!" he screamed, seeing his sister, seeing her hair and her clothes and everything. Except her eyes. Because they were closed.

"She can't hear me." he whispered in frustration. He started to lower himself down and started climbing down the cliff. But when he was only five feet from her, he slipped.

He screamed and went past her and only barely managed to grab a handhold.

"Tammy!" he screamed again, closing his eyes in fear of the fall that was waiting for him. But he couldn't give up now. And he got an idea. He looked forlonly at the sky again. It was blue. Thats what blue looked like. He'd remember that. Because he would never get to see his sisters eyes.

"God." he said, breathing raggedly as he started to slip. "She can't hear me. But she needs too. Take away the sight you granted me. I'm close enough to her. Take away my sight and give her hearing." he let tears fall down his face. "Thank you for letting me see. Even if it was only for such a short while. She needs her hearing more than I need my sight. And she definetely deserves more."

"I don't need it." he said, really trying to convince himself more than anyone else.

He gasped again as he sobbed as slipped another foot. "Please!" he shouted, looking up at the sky. "Save my sister!"

And he closed his eyes. And when he opened them again, the colors were gone. His chest tightened in pain. It was really gone. But he shouted as loudly as he could, "TAMMY! WAKE UP!"

Tammy opened her eyes. Something odd had happened. Something that had never happened before in her life. She didn't know what it was. But then she heard something. She heard something?

It was water running. It was birds singing. And it was her brother calling to her. She quickly looked over the side of her rock. Lucas was below her, barely holding on to the rock that his hand was clutching. And when she looked at him, she saw him gasp. And she thought for sure that barely a second after she looked down, his eyes had something in them. And then it was gone.

"Lucas!" she shouted down. She reached down and grabbed his arm. She pulled as hard as she could and he dug his shoes into the rock, using them to propell himself upward. When she got him up she wrapped her arms around him. She saw that he was covered in mud and injuries.

"How did you find me?" she asked him, tears falling down her face. She felt him shrug helplessly, his energy barely a flicker. "Luck." he said, and she heard it. She gasped.

"Lucas, I can hear you!" she said happily and he smiled at her. A true happy genuine smile. "Good. Thats good."

Tammy looked at him forlonly. "You can't see though, can you?"

"No. But thats okay." he said and she could tell by the sound in his voice that he really meant it. "I don't need it."

Then he frowned. "Where did you go?"

"I woke up and I thought I saw a human walking around. So I followed after them but lost them soon enough. And it was so dark and I didn't know my way around and I fell over the cliff."

"Oh." he said and he smiled and he got up. Thats when she noticed that he was limping. He really had been looking all night and he had obviously gotten hurt many times.

He bent over and said, "Get on my back."

"But your hurt!"

"So are you."

And Tammy couldn't argue that her whole body was in pain and she highly doubted she could move at all. But she was able to get herself onto his back.

"But the cliff..." she started.

"I know how to handle the cliff." he said and he started climbing up it, like he knew where every rock was. She could tell that she was kinda heavy and that with all his injuries he was having alot of trouble getting her up. But they reached the top. They had done it.

He was still carrying her as she told him which ways to turn. A few hours later they were back in the city. And soon they were back home.

"Where have you been?" their parents asked, in a complete panic. "Lucas what happened to you?''

"I can hear!" Tammy shouted happily and their parents looked over in suprise.

"What?"

"I can hear."

They looked at Lucas, ready to ask him if he could see. But by the look in his eyes, they already knew he couldn't.

That night after they had been ammited from the hospital Lucas lay in his bed. He couldn't see anymore. Tammy could hear. That was the way it was meant to be. And he knew what her eyes looked like. Because just as she looked over at him he caught the faintest glimpse of her. It was faint, but he had.

He shut his eyes.

"Thank you God. For saving my sister. And for saving me."

Beautiful I know. Pretty rushed in the end but I couldn't think of ANYTHING! Anyway, I love reviews so make sure to review. Critism welcome but don't flame me or else I'll be depressed for the next couple days.