Chapter 1

What I live for.

The grass underneath me was cool and soft. There was a soft breeze that was such a relief on hot summer days like today. If I opened my eyes, the sun would probably blind me. I was laying on my side, with my head on Blake's stomach. His quiet laughter as we talked was the best thing that I had ever heard. I could listen to it for hours on end. It had been the sound track of my summer so far, which was only a few weeks.

I was just barely aware of Blake's hand running up and down my bare arm. It was giving me goose bumps, in a good way. He ran his hand down my arm until he got to my hand, which was on his side. He held my hand a little, then went back to rubbing my arm.

It still amazed me how long we could just lay out in my front lawn and talk. Hours and hours and hours. Usually about random things, we already knew everything about each other. He was my best friend, and my boyfriend. It was good not having any secrets and telling him everything.

"Kids! Dinner!" My mom yelled from the house. I looked up to see her face through the open window.

Our house was a story book type house. It was a light pink, with white shutters that actually opened and closed. There was a white picket fence out front, with daffodils lining both sides. Beautiful, but definitely cliché.

We walked inside, holding hands. In the kitchen, we had clear tiles, and water with fish underneath. There was a few small holes drilled into the corners of the room to let air in, and so we could feed the fish. When I was little, I always tip-toed across the floor, so I wouldn't 'wake up' the fish.

The dining room had dark hard wood floors and brown walls. There were stained glass windows, and a chandelier that was never used, so it was always dark in this room. The wooden round table and matching chairs were the only things in the room other than pictures on the wall.

"Brittany, will you go get your father?" My mom asked me. I nodded and turned to walk out of the dining room.

The living room was very bright. Blue shag carpets and white walls. The lights were on, and the flat screen TV that was mounted on the wall was on, with the sound turned down. The sectional couch was blue, with a wooden coffee table a few feet in front of it. There was a matching chair and loveseat on either side of the room. I walked fast through the room, trying not to get dirt from my feet on the carpets.

My dad's office was on the other side of the living room. It was a simple room, all white with a wooden desk, two brown chairs on one side, a computer chair on the other side. There was a small table with my dads computer on it, with a chair in front of it. There were a few other comfy chairs that he would sit in and read. There were three bookshelves filled with books. When I was younger, he would push me around all over the place in the computer chair.

I knocked on the door, a habit I had gotten into a few years ago, during my dad's few years as an alcoholic. He would hide away in his office, and I was told to knock on the door to make sure he was sober, because I did want to deal with him if he wasn't.

"Come in, Brittany!" He said. I was apparently the only one who knocked on the door. I opened the door, and he looked up from the book he was reading.

"Dinner's ready." I said. He put a book mark in the thick book, and set it on the floor. My dad was the complete opposite of my mom, she was a neat freak and he left everything everywhere. Luckily, I had taken after my mom.

"Kay, thanks." We walked out of the room and back to the dining room, where Blake was setting the table.

I was glad my parents approved of Blake. Even though he was three years older than me. I was sixteen, and about to start senior year. Blake was nineteen, and was finishing up his first year of college. He only had a few classes left. He was here a lot. All week he had classes, except Saturdays and Sundays. He came everyday he could after class, and was here all weekend. The days he couldn't be here, we texted all day.

We sat down for dinner, and had small conversations about how our day was.

After dinner, Blake had to work on his homework, so I went to take a shower. I liked the downstairs shower better, for no reason at all.

The downstairs bathroom was huge. It had white and black tiles, and white walls. There were double sinks with a huge mirror above them, a huge bathtub, lined with mirrors. And the shower had a stained glass doors and pretty lights everywhere.

I didn't take long in the shower. I got dressed in silk shorts and top, I brushed my hair and then ran upstairs to my room.

My room was my favorite room. It had smooth wooden floors, and baby blue walls. My queen sized bed had all white bedding, except for the blue flannel sheets. I had a white desk with my laptop and various other things on it, and a matching chair. My huge white dresser had a big mirror on it. Plus all my make up. There was a white bookshelf and a big comfy chair. My closet was huge, it had full body mirrors lining every wall, and white couches. All the clothes that weren't in my dresser were hung on clothes hangers. And all my shoes were lined up on shelves. My jewelry and purses all hung on clothing racks. I was definitely spoiled.

My favorite part of my room was the balcony. I had a sliding glass door that opened up to a balcony that over looked the garden.

Blake was on my bed doing his work, so I walked over and climbed in his lap. He wrapped one arm around me and kept doing his work with the other.

"Blake?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you stay here tonight? Please, please, please?" I begged him. I already knew the answer, but I thought I'd ask again anyways.

"Britt, you know I can't. My parents want me home on school nights.'

"Your nineteen! Your legally an adult, you don't have to listen to them anymore." I pleaded with him more.

"Honey, I can't. This weekend, I promise. How about I take Monday off from school and spend the day with you? Okay?" He rubbed my cheek with the back of his hand as tears filled my eyes. I hated it when he told me no, and I hated it even more when he left. "Hey, don't cry, come here." He put down his work and pulled me closer to him. I put my face in his neck and let him comfort me. He ran his hand through my hair and snuggled with me.

After about a half an hour, I fell asleep in his lap. He went back to work then. When he was done, he woke me up.

"I'll lay with you until you fall back asleep." He said, I nodded and got in bed, he laid down with me and snuggled with me for a while, and I still hadn't went back to sleep.

"Honey, its ten, I really need to leave." He said after a while, moving away from me.

"Please don't." I said, grabbing his hand as he went to walk out the door.

"I have to, I don't want to." He said, turning around to face me again. I got up off the bed and started walking downstairs. He sighed and followed me. My dad must have already been in bed, because my mom was alone in the kitchen, cleaning as always. She looked at me apologetically, because this was the same every time Blake left.

He leaned against the driver's side of his car. He leaned down to kiss me, and then I wrapped my arms around him. I didn't know why it hurt so bad when he left. I got to see him all the time. It made no sense.

He let go of me and got in his car. That's when I felt the warm tears run down my face. I saw him put his face in his hands before driving away.

I just walked inside, where my mom handed me a cup of coffee. She put her hand on my shoulder. "It'll get easier, soon." She said.

"Mom, its been eight months and it hasn't gotten easier yet. I don't understand it at all." I said, taking a sip of coffee. My mom made the best coffee ever. "This is really good by the way."

"Thanks." She said, "And it's only cause you love him."

"I'm trusting you on that one." I said, laughing a little. She laughed with me. She hit my head with her magazine lightly then went out to the living room. I grabbed a few cookies off the plate on the counter and went upstairs to my room. I pulled the heavy curtains over the glass door, so the sun wouldn't get in the way of my habit of sleeping really late.

I turned my laptop on and decided to check my Facebook. I scrolled down the list of statuses and posts and likes, until I saw Blake's latest status. 'I has a lot of thinking to do…' and then made me worry. I spent about half an hour arguing with myself on whether or not I should comment on it. Finally, I did. '?' I wrote.

Usually, Blake would tell me everything. He never made a decision without me. He'd tell me eventually, maybe he just needed time. I did everything to stay away from Blake's posts after that.

I decided to post something to make him wonder about it. Like I did for his. 'Ugh, I'm sick of it.' I wrote. That would make sense, sick of him leaving. If he asked, that's what I'd tell him.

I sat around on Facebook until two in the morning. Then read until five. Then finally crashed.

I woke up around noon, and checked my cell phone. A text from Blake destroyed my day before it ever started. 'Hey, can't make it this weekend, studying, sorry.' He wrote. That pissed me off. He promised.

'Whatever.' I wrote back. I didn't even read the text he wrote back, I just opened it and pushed the end button. Then turned my phone off.

I knew there was something wrong here. I didn't know what, but I didn't like it.