She likes, she likes the heartache of a breakup; she likes, she likes to be my bittersweet love

"L-Lord Oliver-"

"King." I correct him.

"K-King Oliver- I need your help…" The man shakes as he says this, sobbing- a mere man who's been broken and left. A shell of a person, but really that's all they are. Most of the time they're just teenage girls who think they've had their heart broken and think that their life is over- when in actuality they'll be fine.

I guess it's time for a proper introduction.

My name is Oliver and I'm the King of broken hearts. I'm the one you go to when you're in need of help after a broken heart, when the world seems like its ending, when it seems like there's no one who can mend your heart and you're just miserable. Which is far too much of the world if you ask me.

On the other side of the world is the Queen of Hearts but she's of no interest with me. She's in a way my opposite, she's like a cupid but a sinister one- she matches them but well- she doesn't really have a heart. She's a bitch, plain and simple- of course I've never met her.

Anyway, despite what many believe I have a heart but my expectations are too high and I have never fallen in love and I doubt I will considering that I'm thousands of years old- staying at my prime age and appearance of 21 years old.

Contacting me is a lot easier than contacting my opposition- when your heart breaks a card with a black heart will appear. A card with a red heart will rarely appear though- or so I've heard. . Then there are the other kings and queens but I have little interest in them, they deal with war and peace and death and life and they're scattered throughout the world. I've only met the King of Death because well- heartbreak sometimes results in death.

"With what?" I ask with no real interest, stories I've heard far too many times. I slouch lazily in my throne and a leg slung over the arm rest.

"I need her back! I need her, my wife she left me and I- I don't know what-" The man starts to cry and break down on the spot, falling to the floor. He's not too ugly or handsome and he's about 30 years old. He'll get another girl.

"You'll be fine."

"Fine?" He quivers, "She was, she is the love of my life!"

"For God's sake man, if she loved you then you wouldn't have hurt you."

"But she does love me! She-she just made a m-mistake! Everyone-everyone ma-"

"Everyone does, but it sometimes things aren't mistakes, they happen for a reason. The hands of fate have touched your life." I look at my fingernails absentmindedly.

"What if you're wrong? Please, I just need another chance with her!"

"Okay, fine I'll make sure she comes to talk to you, but it's up to you if she stays or goes."

"Thank you! Thank you, is there anything I can do? What do I owe you?" He walks a lot closer to me and is practically groveling.

"Let's just say that when time comes you'll be giving me something." I shrug, "Now you should leave."

"Right, right sir! Thank you!" He rushes out of the long hall leaving me alone.

Oh the petty problems of people.

And let's just say that the hand that touched his life was the Queen of Hearts. The Kings and Queens control your fate and ironically so, the Queen of Hearts is the one who decides if and or if your relationship will last. She makes the mess and I deal with the mess.

I find it rather interesting that I've never met her- I hear she's heart breakingly beautiful-more irony. Of course, when many females come to visit me, they fall in love with me but often I erase myself from their fragile minds.

I let out a sigh, God I'm bored. The woes of my life of sitting here and dealing with everyone else's problems. I'm like a fucking diary. All the others get to have fun and actually do things. Of course the King of War is rather sleuthy but he basically is like a General of the World. I don't hear much about him.

Queen of Peace is like a hippy- I'm pretty sure she does LSD and pot and meditates and learns religions and a bunch of stuff I could care less about.

Queen of Life and King of Death well- I've heard she's always busy but I don't know much else. King of Death on the other hand I know very well.

Speak of the Devil.

"Oliver," He gives a curt nod as I stand up to shake his hand.

"Nolan." I nod.

"Two more of your 'visitors' have died – more broken hearts added to your collection." He smirks.

"Delicious," I chuckle, "How great it must be to walk around and have fun."

"You're smart, figure a way to get out." He laughs and pats me on the back before he walks off to find the room of broken hearts.

"Maybe I will…"

The odds of dying of a broken heart is 1 in 2,345,000 people. The odds of finding your true love, 1 in a million. The odds a female will commit suicide, 1 in 23,330 and the odds a male will commit suicide is 1 in 5,694. The odds that an adult believes his or her current partner is their soul mate? 1 in 1.23- the odds it's true? Rarely. The odds that someone has had their heart broken? 1 in 1. The odds a person will die of cancer is 1 in 4.7- basically I could go on, but if you die with your heart broken then I get your heart. If you die, and it causes a person pain and sorrow, and that person comes to me than I get their heart. If you're a tortured soul, I get your heart. If you commit suicide, I get you heart. If you visit me for help, I get your heart. Get the picture?

I climb back into my throne and sulk a bit, "Hey Nolan!" I call out.

"Yeah!?" I hear his voice ring through the castle.

"Have you never met her? The Queen of Hearts I mean."

"Yeah and the King of War but that's it. Why?"

"Just wondering why I've never seen her."

"Cause you're stuck here!" He laughs.

"Unfortunately. It sounds so great doesn't it? The Queens of Love, Peace and Life?"

"Yeah, the Kings of Broken Hearts, War and Death," He snorts, "Just great."

"Of course," I chuckle, "I wonder if she's really as gorgeous as I've heard."

"She is." He says as he enters the room, "Probably even more- fact of life and death, us kings and queens are all the best looking of the world."

"Eh, you're okay."

"It's only because you're the second best being- the Queen of Hearts being the first."

"Right- 'cause we're the ones dealing with hearts and love."

"Pretty much. Lucky bastard."

"Yeah- but it's not like we date or have relationships. The only one who does is Queen Aria." I scoff.

"Can't say you didn't expect it. You know you're talking a lot about her."

"She's been on my mind, I'm kind of jealous of that bitch."

He laughs, "Well makes sense-you actually have a heart unlike her the other Kings."

"Including you."

"Yep, it comes with being King of Death. But sometimes I wish I had one." He shrugs.

"Well gotta get back- see ya." I don't reply and he disappears.

A/n: ANOTHER STORY! Jeez, but oh well- I've been pretty good updating so I think I'll be fine. So what do you think?

Fantasy seems to fit me but meh. Like the idea? It's not going to be that long either.

P.S. the statistics are all true, except the true love one and the odds that someone has had their heartbroken- I made those up. (:

P.P.S I fixed some mistakes