Written for my writing class.
Prompts: Setting must be 4am, July 5th, in Alaska. Characters must include The Sleepy Guy, the mermaid, the fisherman, the sailor, the goldpanner's grandson, and a bush pilot. The story must be funny. The story must include TPing, a moose, someone stranded on a rooftop, someone dying, a musical sequence, the use of a 3 syllable word 5 times, a camera, and a fish being caught.
At 4 o'clock in the morning on the Alaskan pier, The Mermaid is a faltering strip joint waiting for a crowd that never seems to come. This is mostly due to the Sleepy Guy, whose name has never been learned, who always falls asleep from excess consumption of alcohol at the entrance to the bar. He is the town drunk who brings his own alcohol to the strip joint and never leaves a tip for the show.
His behavior causes poor business for the fisherman, George, who only makes enough to keep the strip joint running by having his prized five-inch salmon head, which is mounted to the wall, photographed by Japanese tourists for money.
"It's only what remains of the whole fish I caught, but lost at sea that fateful day." Everyone knows that he didn't actually catch the fish. It jumped into his boat and was caught on camera by his son, Howard, who is a wannabe rapper who goes by the name AK-47, because it's gangster, and is working on his first album, Staying on My Grizzly.
"Toned, tan, fit and ready," he raps Snoop Dogg's part of "California Girls", imagining himself in a cupcake suit with a pimp cane. "Man, this shit is bananas!"
George sees the Sleepy Guy asleep at the bar and decides he is going to pull a prank for causing him bad business. He calls his son into the strip joint to help him move. Garbed in baggy shirts and pants to his thighs, Howard helps his father move the drunken body to the rooftop where the town's prized mascot moose had settled for the evening, hours ago exhausted from the July 4th festivities.
"This job is bananas, old man," Howard says.
Meanwhile, above the town, a bush pilot by the name of Jim leaps from his plane chewing tobacco as he pulls the strip of his parachute, arms full of toilet paper and two half-eaten bananas in his right hand. He begins to toss the toilet paper, unraveling it as he throws and watching as the paper loops over trees and eventually reaches the strip joint.
His plane crash lands on the strip joint roof, partially destroying the ceiling as it bursts through and promptly implodes, lighting all the toilet paper on fire and engulfing the building in flames.
Sleepy Guy is unharmed, but the poor mascot moose has been killed. A moment of silence, please…
People have crowded around the building, watching its demise, some weeping, others too drunk to speak.
"Dude, that shit was the freakin' bombest bananas ever, man!"
Everyone turns to Howard and screams at him to shut up.