This whole time, from beginning to end, I have been telling you this story.
It's the story of my life. Hence, it is the way I see things. Also, I hope you knew from the start, there were always going to be things I left out, because it's my story.
When you first began reading this, I didn't particularly trust you. I felt nervous enough telling you about the scandal between me and Jace, let alone the family war it created.
Let's get this straight, so you don't get on your high horse. I told you I was going to tell you the story of Jace and I. I made no promises to tell you everything.
I didn't tell you most of the things I think. My mind is a very private area, and, to be honest, I'm not sure you could handle seeing its contents.
But, it's time to be frank. You've kind of proven yourself to me. Not only have you made it this far, you've listened to what I've had to say, and even supported the decisions Jace and I made. I guess I owe you at least a peak into what I've left out.
Again, though, I can't promise it's all of it. If you had to tell your life story to some stranger, would you tell them every detail?
There are small things I haven't mentioned, and there are big things.
You don't know that Lily has dyslexia, for example, or that she's missing the little finger on her right hand from an accident in the kitchen as a small child.
You don't know my mother spent my entire childhood cheating on my Dad, and ignoring Lily and I, only to leave home to marry a boy in his second year of university.
You don't know that my Dad is a pathetic excuse for a man who can't hold down a job, who was barely able to feed Lily and I after Mum left.
You don't know that Roseanne, despite feeling the need to appear perfect to the outside world, drinks herself into oblivion after eleven pm each night, alone in the kitchen. That she's been doing this since we moved in, and still hasn't stopped doing so, despite her pregnancy.
Poor, OCD, ruined Roseanne.
You don't know that I have very few friends. People don't like to be around me, because my default setting is hate. You need to earn my trust, and my friendship, from less than scratch.
Which, you did. So, it might be in your best interests to just try and understand what I'm telling you here, because it's taken you a long time to get the truth out of me.
This world is a disgusting place. I don't care about superficial things, such as who smokes, who drinks, who isn't as smart as the next person.
Every person in this world judges.
The hypocrites that surround us.
People preaching about the love of God, while they spread hate themselves.
People donating to charity, so that they can get applause when it's mentioned at their next committee meeting.
People who tell you they love you, while they calmly plan to destroy you.
At least, when I decide to destroy people, they know it first.
Jace, is different. He does drugs, he drinks, he doesn't give a shit about school... most people, they'd label him as a dropkick, and walk away. But, I've helped you see him for who he really is. At least, I was completely honest with you there. You agree with me; he's something amazing.
Maybe he doesn't belong to this world. Maybe I was selfish to call the ambulance that night, dragging him back into it, but it can't be helped now.
He is the ray of sunshine you don't expect to see while you're at the mercy of a tornado.
He is the single shrub of greenery that grows during a famine, promising hope.
He is every jewel ever discovered, every song ever sung, every warm touch ever extended.
He is the only thing that stops me from hating this world.
Do you get me now?
Do you understand?
Roseanne knew it was coming. She knows me; I guess I'm a kindred spirit. So polite, so pretty, so twisted.
She knew, in her way. But I had her trapped. Her reputation; that was the only thing she had left, the only thing she had to cling onto in the world.
Her reputation was like my Jace.
Really, I was kind to her in the end. I figured out a way we could both win.
Reporting her to the police would bring her down, but it wouldn't take away what she did to Jace and Darren. It couldn't erase their feelings of guilt, and disgust, and confusion, and fear. It couldn't give them back a normal childhood.
It would crush Jace, to be involved in sending his mother to jail, to confront her.
Apart from me, the hope of her love, respect and care, as a mother, was all he had to cling to. When he lost both, he went under.
Now I could give him both of them back.
Of course, my plan had a flaw. You've noticed it yourself.
If I didn't tell anyone about Roseanne, she'd repeat it with this new little boy.
This new little boy, who was roughly the size of an apple. But he would grow.
This new little boy whose quality of life had probably already hit rock bottom, due to the amount of alcohol in his mother's blood each night; the blood that nourished him.
Do you understand now?
My actions, that is.
Don't fret; I think I've told you everything important. I'm not hiding anything anymore. There are no riddles here, just scattered pieces that make a coherent story if put together right.
I'd thrown out the bread, the day before, when the bins went out. The loaf was taken to the dump, to be mixed amongst God knows how much other garbage. To never be seen again.
The mould was in a small, plastic bag, which, in turn, had been placed in the pocket of my shorts.
Roseanne was putting the finishing touches on her spaghetti in the kitchen. I was standing outside the kitchen, hidden behind the door. She couldn't see me.
The bowls were filled and ready. Yellow for me, pink for Roseanne, blue for Dad, violet was Lily's, red was Darren's.
Jace's was still in the cupboard.
The table was set. Roseanne grabbed the salad bowl, the garlic bread and the water pitcher, balancing them all in her arms, and headed to the dining room.
As she left, I walked in silently, calmly. No need to panic. Panicking and hurrying would only cause me to mess up.
Out came the packet. The small, flaky black tufts were sprinkled into the top of the pink bowl like seasoning. Grabbing a fork, I mixed it through quickly but thoroughly, and added a thin layer of parmesan back to the top.
It melted immediately.
Satisfied, I left the kitchen again before Roseanne could return.
It took longer than I expected; for awhile, I wondered if my plan had failed.
When it began, I realised with delight that the timing aided my plan.
You see, Roseanne had already downed two glasses of vodka downstairs by the time the blood gushed onto the floor.
Of course, I was awake and ready. As soon as I heard the screaming, I calmly walked to Lily's room and roused her. I wasn't planning on being stuck home to babysit.
While Lily dressed herself obediently, I wandered downstairs, trying to look concerned. Roseanne was in the lounge room, being held upright by Dad. Beneath them, glistening in the soft lighting, was the blood that, hours ago, had been cradling my brother to be.
Roseanne was hysterical in the car. Dad, his face pale, drove steadily, but screamed with rage every time he found himself caught behind another car on the road.
Lily, wisely, was silent. As was I.
Upon reaching the hospital, Roseanne was rushed off with a group of concerned nurses, while the rest of us were told to wait.
Dad collapsed in a chair, and Lily sat beside him, her face contorted with misery. Neither of them looked at, or spoke to, me.
So I began to walk.
Roseanne had put the money in Jace's bank the day before. Jace didn't know about it yet. But I knew what his answer would be.
Roseanne might be suspicious, but she couldn't prove a thing.
Especially now that the miscarriage coincided with a considerable amount of alcohol coursing through her veins.
Plus, the bread was gone, the packet flushed down the toilet, the dishes washed.
It was, I told myself, the only way it could have ended.
I found Jace's room easily enough, having been there many times. I didn't have to make my presence known when I entered; his eyes flew open as soon as I arrived at his side.
He didn't have to know about my role in the baby's death. We could talk about Roseanne's drinking problem, and how it was all inevitable, really. He would be sad, at least a part of him, but I could offer comfort. And the news that we were finally free.
He looked at me in silence for a period of time, a soft smile spreading over his features. He was obviously debating over what to say.
Eventually, he took my hand, and squeezed it gently. "I love you, Laine."
Laine. How long it had been since someone had called me that.
Things were finally going to get better.
"I'm never going to leave you again," I told him. "We don't need anyone else. It's just us, now."
He let out a contented sigh as he slipped back into unconsciousness. I smiled back at him, and leaned onto the bed, laying my head on his chest.
My family was all here. Dad and Lily in the waiting room, Darren probably on his way, Roseanne in the emergency ward.
For the first time, I felt calm.
A/N – Well, that's it. I know it's probably not what any of you were expecting, but I hope it didn't leave you guys feeling too confused. It does make sense, only you might need to read it all again in one go to follow what each character is thinking and going through.
Yes, everything in this chapter was the complete truth, and yes, it's been planned from the beginning.
Thank you all so much for following this story through! Don't forget to leave me one last word of love in the review section! Plus, I've JUST popped up the first chapter to my new story, about a small girl in Ireland who is rescued by a handsome faerie.
Plus, I've JUST popped up the first chapter to my new story, about a small girl in Ireland who is rescued by a handsome faerie.
Eleven years later, he comes back to offer her everything she could ever want, in return for her love.
But the girl, who is hopelessly wrapped up in romances and fairytales, forgets that faeries are not wholly friendly, generous beings, and that they can be dangerous if crossed. She also finds herself faced with an impossible choice; whether eternal youth, power, beauty and riches are worth trading in her mortality for.
I've love it if you could check it out!
All the best xx