A/N - Just to let you know, I am a girl writing from a guy's POV. This is what I wish was going through my crush's head.... exactly 1,000 words without this note.
She'll never know how beautiful she was tonight.
I don't know what made her stand out from all the other times I'd seen her. Maybe it was that purple shirt and skirt that made my hands shake after one look. Maybe it was the fact that she volunteered to for that speech on short notice, and did wonderfully. Maybe it just finally hit me like a ton of bricks. One thing's for sure: it wasn't doing my heart any good.
She's the girl I've had a crush on for eternity. Or, at least it seems like eternity. I've watched her from a distance for four years, and every time I see her it gets a little bit worse. And up until two years ago she hardly even paid attention to me. And now that she does, I wish that every second we talked would last a little longer.
I remember the first time we actually talked to each other. We were both getting baptized at the same big convention. I was super nervous, not only because I was getting baptized, but because she was too. Even back then I had a crush on her. I badly wanted to talk to her but didn't know how to start up a conversation. When she came over and sat just two seats down from me, I couldn't have been more nervous. It was the worst feeling ever. Luckily she began the conversation and I just kept it going. I could hear the nervousness in my voice and I was pretty sure it was written all over my face too. We talked until the session started, and I replayed our words over and over during the talks when my mind would wander. And every once in a while, I'd look over and watch as she tried to keep from falling asleep.
She not like a lot of other girls I know. She's morally strong, and would never be tempted by anything that was wrong. She doesn't hang out with a lot of other teenagers, mainly because they don't include her in much. I felt bad at times, but there was nothing I could do. She's intelligent, sarcastic, and above all else, loves God.
She has a beautiful smile, too, but she'd never say so. She often smiles at others in the congregation, and it makes my heart jump out of my chest. I've even tried to be funny when she's talking to me and get her to laugh just so I can see her smile. I'm becoming somewhat of a master at comedy, and she smiles during every conversation we have. Like tonight after the meeting, I was behind the literature counter about to close up. We had been talking, and I asked her why she wasn't volunteering at school. When she said she was, I pretended not to believe her. When I closed the window and started playing with the blinds (talking through them and adopting a deeper voice) she smiled and started laughing.
I noticed something else about her tonight: she wore makeup. Not a lot like some girls, but just a little. None of that mascara or eye liner or whatever else there is, but just enough to make me notice. I wonder if she wore it just for me. She's always been a bit of a tomboy, usually never even touching the stuff. And now all of a sudden she's wearing it? Maybe she used the makeup like I let my hair grow out a little longer: to get the other to notice. I was hoping she would comment about it, but she never did.
I even offered to help her study for the ACT's, which surprisingly she agreed to. I ended up having to call her to ask what time I needed to stop by. I was more nervous then I'd ever been dialing the number on my phone. For a while I wasn't sure my fingers were going to work. It rang a few times, and my heart was racing with nervousness. When she answered, and her voice said a simple "hello?", I froze up. I couldn't say a word. She eventually hung up, and I wanted to kick myself. I ended up just texting her instead, saying that I thought it was her voice mail message, but I still wish I could have said something back to her.
We stayed late that night studying, mostly because I had to explain the things she didn't know. But then I had a brilliant idea. I told her that I'd take her test home with me and I'd work out one of the problems later. We had been having trouble with it anyway, and she agreed. Now that ACT practice test sits on my shelf, and its like part of her is with me. Is it weird that I'm holding onto a stupid test just because she wrote in it? I think I've officially gone too far this time.
I want so bad to get to know her more, to know if she sees me as more than just a friend, but I know it can never happen. I'm only 19 and she's just 17; both too young to even consider dating or marriage. I'd decided long ago that I wouldn't date until I was at least 21. So then she'd be 19, but knowing what I do know of her, she wouldn't want to date until she's at least 21 as well. So I would have to wait until I'm 23 to even consider asking her. But there's another problem. Her family was talking about moving. Out of state. In a year, after she graduates from high school. So I guess my feelings are just adding fuel to the fire. I'm running out of time, and fast. This is her last school year. Its now or never. I've gotta do it soon or else she'll never know the truth.
But in my heart, I know she never will.