I wanted to tell. I wanted to open my mouth and say it, but it was no use. I would have had to answer questions about why I couldn't say it. Better to stay silent than to give myself more trouble.
"Come on, let's go."
I looked up to see him reaching a hand out to me. I took it. It seemed so natural a reaction, it was like my arm moved by itself. Suddenly, I found myself in his arms. I looked up at him in surprise.
He gave me a strange stare before letting me to, "Sorry… it's a habit," he said cheerfully.
I swallowed and nodded. I was unfamiliar with the warm feeling that bloomed in my chest. It was not uncomfortable. Somehow, it felt right, like I was supposed to be there, like it was normal for him to do that, like I wanted to be there.
Well that wasn't so bad, he thought, at least she didn't hit me…
About an hour later, I found myself in the front seat of the car again. This time, we were going to the roller-skating rink.
"Hey, Wade?—Yeah… is Carl with you?—nope—yeah—well she said she was up for it—what?—how the heck am I supposed to know?—whatever—yeah—see you guys there—uh huh—we'll be there in about thirty minutes—yes, that's half an hour shut up—see ya," he sighed and put his phone down. He glanced over at her, "Have you been roller-skating before?"
She thought for a minute, "I don't really remember."
"Really now? Well I hope you do or else you'll be slipping and sliding all over the rink."
As much as I hated admitting he was right, I couldn't help but agree with that statement when I was clinging to the side of the rink. I could keep my balance just fine in situations no normal human would be able to accomplish. But there was something about having wheels strapped to my feet that made my physical anatomy refuse to let me remain upright.
"Come on!" he whirled past me, turning around and skating backwards, "Just try!" he resumed skating forwards.
I stared at him before looking back down at my own feet. I hadn't let go of the wall for more than three seconds than a queer feeling came to my stomach. Next thing I knew, I was sitting on the ground, feeling unusually frustrated with myself.
"Hey. You alright?"
I looked up to see him extending a hand to me. I took it warily this time.
He led me over to the wall again and then skated a few feet away, "Come on. You can make it at least this far right?" he held his hands out to me.
I studied his skates, "How do you get those things to work anyway?"
He gave half a smile and was once again right next to me. He took both my hands and started skating backwards, dragging me along with him.
"Come on, move your feet."
I stared up at him, "If I move my feet, I'll fall…"
"You don't trust me?" he looked amused for a moment, "Well, at least don't make me do all the work."
"What do you mean by work?" I raised an eyebrow.
"I mean work," he grinned. The lights seemed to enhance his features.
"You remember the first time I tried to teach you how to skate?" he smiled down at her.
She laughed, "Yeah, I remember I was pissed at you for a while."
He took her hand pulled her along as he sped up slightly, leaving their friends behind. He spun around in front and took her other hand skating backwards, "Come on, don't make me do all the work and drag you around."
"What if I feel like letting you do all the work? I trust you," she smiled up at him, "besides, what do you mean by work?"
"I mean work," he laughed.
"Hello? Anyone there?"
My senses snapped back, "What?" I saw him peering into my eyes like he was trying to see through a fogged up window.
He blinked, "Back from the dead I see. Were you thinking so hard that you couldn't hear me?"
I wrinkled my brow, "What makes you say that I was thinking?"
"You kind of remembered how to roller skate."
I then noticed that I was no longer depending on him for movement. We were loosely holding hands, and I wasn't clinging on him in fear of falling. I looked back at him in surprise.
"I guess you have gone skating before," he smiled warmly.
Yes! She remembers something, he thought. For some reason the thought of her remembering some fragment of memory made him happy. He smiled wryly. A random memory is better than no memory.
"Come on let's go get a drink," he began pulling her towards the side of the rink.
She's reacting normally to a "stranger" holding her hand. Does she remember me?
"To celebrate the fact that you miraculously remembered how to skate of course," he laughed.
He watched her play around with the straw before taking a sip.
He opened his mouth and was about to say something when—
"Hey so here you guys are!" Wade popped up out of nowhere. He grabbed the table to stop himself and fell into the chair next to his brother, "You're so mean little brother."
"Huh?" he raised his eyebrow as his lip twitched.
"You're keeping her all to yourself of course," he winked.
He watched as her eyes widened slightly but didn't look up. He mentally congratulated his older brother for his spectacular timing. He licked his lips, raised his eyebrows and nodded, all the while staring into his drink. He gave his brother a slightly exasperated look that said, If you say so.
Wade laughed and sat back, "You should have seen Carl today at the shopping center. Some song came on over the intercom and that kid just started rocking out."
He blinked owlishly before he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "Yup… that sounds about right."
"I know right?"
The rest of their conversation died into the background. I stared absentmindedly into my drink before looking back out at the skating rink. Wade's girlfriend came and sat down next to him. I watched Carl and his girlfriend out on the rink, holding hands, laughing, talking quietly when he pulled her closer. I sighed quietly and chewed on my lip. I didn't understand. Why was no one else doing that? So far as I was aware our little party of six people were the only ones that I had seen skate in pairs. There were one or two others out there but I didn't pay them much attention.
I didn't know what to do with the situation I was in. I was never the sort to try and get others' attention. I was careful not to sigh when I turned my thoughts to something else. The boy sitting next to me had a habit of paying attention to every little thing I did or move I made. It wasn't annoying, it was just… I didn't know how to describe it… it was the type of sensation that sent a warm feeling straight to my chest and made me feel like smiling. Stop. An unbidden voice came through my mind. Stop thinking about stuff like that. It's useless.
The people that had thrown me into this boy's life. The people that were the reason why I was here. They had told me to ignore that voice. That voice that was and at the same time was not a part of myself. That voice that grew so loud sometimes that I could not hear myself think.
I slowly took a breath and resumed my earlier thoughts. I tried to make sense of the memory that had come to me earlier. I wondered what my relationship with him had been. I had been talking to him so comfortably. I had said that I trusted him. I replayed the memory several times in my mind… that is… if it was in fact a memory and not some random stray wisp of an idea conjured up by that voice in my head that didn't belong to me.
STOP THINKING. It was so loud it hurt. Why? Why should I stop thinking? Don't think. This isn't what you were made for. Who died and made you boss? I'll think what I want to think. You weren't made to think like this. Then how else was I supposed to think? Stop thinking. Why? A splitting headache came over me. Stop thinking. Be a good girl. Stop thinking… NOW. I refused to listen. If I listened, that memory would go away. This moment, this feeling. Everything would disappear. The headache increased and I could feel the veins behind my eyeballs throbbing. Ow. See? Stop. I told you to be a good girl. Stop. Just listen and follow directions like a good—STOP.
"Are you okay?" he was waving his hand in front of my face.
"Yeah… I'm fine," I answered.
"Are you sure?" he wrinkled his eyebrows, "Are you tired or something. You seemed really spaced out."
I looked into his piercing stare and swallowed, "I'm fine," I stood up, "I just need to go to the restroom," I could feel his confused gaze on me as I walked away.
"Are you sure about her, little bro?" Wade looked at him earnestly.
He wrinkled his brow, "Yeah… I don't know what's wrong. She's probably just a bit riled."
His brother blinked, "Riled? From what?"
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "I don't know… I guess anyone would be riled from being thrown into a stranger's house?"
Wade raised an eyebrow, "I thought you said you knew her?"
He bit his lips and let out a breath, "Well… it looks like she doesn't know me."
"Listen… either you tell me what's going on sometime soon or this will never work."
He was slightly taken aback by his normally goofy brother's seriousness, "What makes you think I know what's going on?" he gave a humorless laugh, "If I knew what was going on then this wouldn't be happening."
His brother gave him a hard look before settling back into his seat, "If you say so."
It took most of my composure to keep myself from running. I pushed the door open a little harder than I meant to and thanked the lord that I had the restroom to myself.
I splashed cold water on my face. Good girl. Get away from those people.
"SHUT UP!!" I almost shrieked. I felt like I wanted to tear my face off with frustration. This part of me that was not a part of me. It wasn't like some growth or a leech. Those could be removed.
You're not being a good girl right now. The voice hissed at me and I felt the previous headache returning with a greater intensity. I cursed. Be a good girl now. The voice was snake-like in its poison, in the way it seeped through my bones and permeated every cell in my body. I felt a burning sensation on the back of my shoulder. My eyes widened. No. No. No. No. Not now. Oh yes, now. Not now. You need to be a good girl. Anything but this. Anything? No. Not anything. Be a good girl and listen. No. Stop. If you be good and listen. No. I won't listen. Stop.
I could see the different emotions raging across my features. The pain in my shoulder stopped only to be renewed in my head. You will listen.
Sorry for the lateness in the update. Also for the shortness of it... .; It's probably really confusing to read too since it's all conflicting internal thoughts and whatnot but I tried!! x.x
Read & Review please!! constructive criticism is also welcomed!