This was a vignette writing assignment written at 3:38 in the morning. However, it has since been edited, so you may proceed without fear. Enjoy~!

Hayden Rodriguez was a rugged and fairly handsome specimen of man-flesh who had been adopted at birth by a Hispanic family and thus bore no physical Hispanic traits whatsoever. He was also a Special Agent for the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and had been for a number of years. He was what one could reasonably refer to as "ripped," and his interrogation history included at least two instances where seasoned terrorists had blurted out everything they knew at the mere sight of him.

Despite having most, if not all, of this information stored in its massive network of information, the object known as Hayden's personal office computer refused to cooperate with him.


Hayden's partner, a younger woman named Lucky with spiked dyed-white hair, poked her head around the door after a time lapse of approximately fifteen seconds. "What's up?"

Hayden stabbed a masculine finger at his computer screen. "This thing is deliberately antagonizing me again. Translate this technical mumbo-jumbo and fix it, please."

Lucky opened her mouth to respond, when the distant sound of a ringing phone broke the relative silence. "Oops. Sorry, Hayd, you're on your own. I've been waiting for that call."

And she disappeared, leaving her partner feeling crushed and betrayed, not to mention looking like a kicked puppy. As much as a man who could bench-press 550lbs. when down with the flu could look like a kicked puppy.

Making distressed noises, he turned back to the computer screen, where an "ERROR" window was informing him that he had clearly made a grave – well, error – in operating his computer system, and would he like to continue as if nothing had happened (this seemed like a dumb option to him), shut everything down and restart (he couldn't do that, he had been working on stuff, and it wasn't like he saved it every five seconds), OR would he like to do something that he didn't understand at all.

The final option seemed like the obvious choice, even if he failed to comprehend its meaning, so in the absence of Lucky he clicked on the button and was instantly treated to the sight of another window that looked positively dangerous. It featured red lettering, a red X, and techno-buggy mumbo-jumbo that involved words and phrases like "system hypersensitivity" and "potentially hazardous," not to mention "loss of all files" and "permanent deletion."


"Be there in a minute, Hayd."

"I don't HAVE a minute! IT'S COUNTING DOWN!!" Indeed, there was another line in smaller print at the bottom of the window informed him that "automatic strange-technical-term will commence automatically in 30… 29… 28…"

Hayden Rodriguez could stay cool under the most harrowing of life-threatening situations. Dealing with bomb threats, getting caught in a shoot-out, being thrown out of a helicopter, jumping off a roof to potential and gory death 30 feet below while chasing a criminal – in these, he was in his element. But when it came to computers – especially this one, which had a tendency to hate him – he became high-strung and panicky, not to mention hysterical.

Lunging across the room to his phone, he snatched it up and dialed the FBI technical support as fast as his fingers could move. By the time someone answered, his heart was hammering at least 3 times faster than it should have been.

"Hey, this is tech -"

"This is Special Agent Hayden Rodriguez! Office 221! My computer is threatening to – well, I'm not sure what it's doing, but for the love of God, man, get up here right now!!"

"Alright, alright. We're sending someone up, but you need to take a chill pill -"

"YOU take a chill pill!" He glanced wildly at his computer screen. "My partner has abandoned my side in my time of most desperate need and you have TEN SECONDS to get up here and fix my computer before it dies and I have a homicidal break!!"

The tech sounded worried now. "Uh, okay, someone's on their way, but sir – "

"EIGHT!" Hayden practically shrieked into the mouthpiece, then hung up with perhaps slightly more force than was strictly necessary.

The timer said five seconds when Lucky strolled into his office. "Alright, Hayd, what's up?" At his hysterical whimper, she moved to his computer. "Oh. OH." She grabbed his mouse and clicked something.

The window disappeared.

"Man, Hayd, whatever possessed you to try pushing what was essentially the Big Red Button? Your computer coulda been fried – oh. Oh. Aww, you. C'mere." Crossing the room, she crouched down and patted the blonde hair of her partner, who had collapsed against the wall and slid down into a seated position. "Poor guy. You're shaking."

"T-too many windows," he whined, "and it said 'error' but I didn't want to ignore it and then, then, countdown…"

"You're hyperventilating. Chill, Hayd. Breathe."

By the time Lucky finally managed to calm her partner down, which was about five minutes later, the promised tech guy arrived. "Uh, hey. So I heard there was a problem here?"

"YOU." Hayden pointed at him. "YOU!! Why weren't you here AGES ago? MY COMPUTER NEARLY DIED!!"

"I'm sorry," the tech squeaked, as it is intimidating to be simultaneously pointed and yelled at by a man of Hayden's strength and stature, not to mention either action on its own, "but I was helping someone defrag their disc drive and -"

"Don't talk techno-buggy speak at me! LEAVE!" The tech guy hastily did so.

"Don't be mean," Lucky admonished him. "Now, c'mere. I'm going to show you what you did wrong so that you can fix it next time. See? You just double-clicked on that." She pointed at a tiny icon in his toolbar. "It's not a huge deal. Some errors are really minor, okay? But just to be safe, next time that happens, wait for me. Or the tecchies. No matter how urgent it is. Alright?"

Hayden nodded. He had learned his lesson. He was done messing with things he didn't understand.

"Okay. I'm going back to my phone conversation, now."

"You mean you weren't done?" he asked, somewhat surprised.

"No. I heard you having a panic fit and put the ruler of Dubai on hold."

"You WHAT?!" As a superior agent, Hayden could not tolerate this.

"Don't worry, I'm just kidding. It was actually his personal secretary."

Hayden fell over. Lucky shrugged.

"I'm pretty sure he didn't mind. Probably happens to him all the time. Have a nice day, Hayd."

"Nice… day?"

That was fun. :) Do please drop a review! I really would appreciate it.